Citation: O.J.G. "The Godess Talame: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (20x) (exp58665)". Erowid.org. Aug 2, 2009. erowid.org/exp/58665
Before this experience with 20x, I had one experience with 10x. I took one hit and had strange fleeting hallucinations and a feeling that objects in the shapes of almonds were pressing against my skin. That experience in no way prepared me for what I was to experience and no amount of reading information or trip reports could ever give me an idea of what was to come. This is a trip of firstly, unexplainable awe, and secondly, sheer confusion and distress.
I woke up that day and knew what I was going to do as soon as I got home from school. I prepared myself the whole day by keeping low key and not engaging in anything to stressful other than the necessary school work. As soon as I got home from school I packed my shoddy home made bong and sat upright on my bed. Before I obtained the salvia, I did a ridiculous amount of reading on the subject and had an enormous amount respect for salvia and I knew I had to treat it well or I might hurt myself. I took three deep breaths and exhaled as hard as I could. I put the lighter to the bowl and took the biggest hit I could.
I immediately noticed the effects. Counting became harder because I would repeat letters. When I exhaled, I expected a huge rush of visuals and intense laughter, just like last time. Instead, I cursed the person who sold it to me because I felt nothing. Even as I was thinking that, visuals were forming before my eyes and patterns started swirling around the room. It was exactly what I expected. Stupid visuals I can tell my friends about. This changed. The patterns swirled in to a four headed entity that I sensed was a woman. All the heads were identical but this was one being. Before I lost all sense of reality, I opened my eyes and she was still there, so this is all a legitimate hallucination.
The faces were facing each other, one on top of the other with a thick line in between. I soon found myself on this line. I saw the faces with depth and knew that each face was a house on my block and the line was my street. Suddenly, this went away and this entity was back in front of me and I was looking at it floating. My eyes were opened but she was in an empty void. All the things in my room had been blocked out of my vision. The line in between the faces started waving and the faces seemed to be attached to it as it waved. I felt like she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and she radiated this sense of omnipotence and all-knowing. I got the feeling that her name was Talame so I asked her out loud, “Are you Talame?”
She immediately answered with a simple, “yes”. I realized that I could ask Talame whatever I wanted and she would answer without a shred of uncertainty. My next question was a terrible question and I wished I had never wasted my time on it. My friend K wanted to go out to eat that day but I did not feel comfortable with it. I asked Talame if I should and in so many words and an explanation, she said, “No”. What a horrible fucking question. I almost feel like I willed her in to saying it. My next and I think last question was the real thing. My unconscious mind telling me what it thinks of me. I asked her, “What is the meaning of my life right now?” With power and certainty, she answered my question. The only problem is, I CAN'T REMEMBER! All I can recall is that it was either positive or neutral. I felt bad later for asking such a foolish question my first time in my salvia space. As I was coming down, Talame drifted off in to the corner. I still had so many unanswered questions and I called to her out loud as she drifted away. There was never an answer and as the room started come back and the empty void retreated, I felt like I had been cheated. This is because I had forgotten EVERYTHING I have just described. It would take another even more intense trip 3 minutes later for me to recall what had just happened.
Feeling cheated, I packed the bowl with double the salvia and went to a room in my house I was not very comfortable with. I sat down on the bed and took a hit. A wave of panic hit me hard. What in the hell was I doing in this room and why was I smoking the most potent natural hallucinogen yet known to man. I got up and tried to walk to my room. While walking to my room with my bong and lighter in my hand, I was covered by a spherical force field made up of tiny little Talame faces! Everything came back to me with a, “What the fuck.” I got to the middle of my hallway and that was about the time that Talame took over my entire world.
One face of Talame went from my waist to my feet on my left side and another on my right side. There was also one face of Talame from my waist to my head on my left and right sides. The objects of my hallway ceased to exist as I entered the void. Talame was bigger than ever and so was her love. Even though I felt panic and the most confusion of my life, she radiated such a genuine love and understanding that if I was not looking for my room, I likely would have broke down and cried. She comforted me as I stood in one place in my hallway. There was nothing I could do. For a short while as I stood there, I felt something indescribable that left me dazed for hours. I don’t know if it was ego-loss or dissociation or what, but there was no “me”. All there was was Talame existing in a void.
I don’t know how but through all this madness, I got to my room, but that didn’t matter because (this is where the panic was heaviest) the concept of possession didn’t exist. Talame was still there but the void that meshed all things in to one was gone, so I could see my possessions. Even though I could see them, I didn’t know where I was. These things didn’t belong to anything or anyone. For all I knew they didn’t even exist. They were just pieces of crap floating in the cosmic jelly and this scared me the most. Just imagine being in your own house and seeing your own shit and not being able to know whose or what it is. You can see perfectly (despite the all-powerful and all-knowing being taking up most of your field of vision), you know you are in your house but you can't distinguish one room from another. It’s hard to describe but nonetheless, it struck a paralyzing fear all over me as I desperately tried to figure out were I was.
All the while, Talame is spinning almond shaped objects around my skin and I feel that I am losing my mind. Somehow, I recognize that this room belongs to me so I lay on my bed. There is one hit left, and it may seem like I am completely insane to take another hit after that but I knew I was safe in my bed and I’m not one to waste. So I took the hit and I have no recollection of what happened. Probably just the same visuals. I had just had the most intense sensory overload of my life that I wouldn’t be surprised if nothing at all happened.
The rest of the day I was on edge and for about 25 minutes afterwards I had trouble concentrating. All I could think to do to settle my nerves was to eat on orange and watch stupid comedy like MADTV which worked alright but it took awhile before I really had my bearings.
I learned a lot that day and now I never do large amounts of salvia without being comfortable and ready. I don’t just jump in to a mindblowing experience like that one without feeling comfortable with it.
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