Citation: Baker. "The Collective Contemplative Void: An Experience with 2C-I & MDMA (exp58613)". Erowid.org. Jan 6, 2007. erowid.org/exp/58613
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The night was young as I felt the anticipation building within me while my dinner digested it's contents along with half a green pill of ecstasy ready to swirl around and hint towards future nausea. My stomach tightened and loosened almost in preparation to the memories I had traditionally associated with the effects of MDMA. I'm feeling energized, but not as a result or a placebo but towards the man that Iíve decided to indulge my evening together with.
The weathers a little humid and Iím a little nervous about the night, so I relieve myself in the toilets of a hungry jacks, relieve myself the only way I know how to treat those dam nauseating butterflies in the stomach... Not getting graphic or anything, Iím sure you can be creative enough to assume the situation yourself but there must have been a lot of butter on that chicken I ate earlier for lunch that day, not a welcome sensation. After this moment it was smooth sailing however. Waiting in the que, feeling a little lost in my thoughts, or absence there of. Steve's friends arrive and we promptly move into the club. Now this isn't where the true beauty of the night occurred, not by a long shot... but it definitely provided the basis for a very fulfilling emotional landslide of felicity.
I was introduced to Steve's friends, but still remained fairly oblivious towards my social skills as I sunk back into my own world of thoughtful thoughtlessness, and slowly began to admire Steve as he smiled back at me. The half a pill had to have started taking effect, because I was feeling a surge of energy push me towards dancing harder. My body was no longer willing to just move in simple frames of monotony but was encouraged to push itself further and motivate creativity from the tips of my fingers down my hips and into my toes. Swiveling and spinning, the music lulled me into fantasy, as my limbs swung in unison to the notes lighting up nerves of euphoria down my spine every time I hit a movement in line.
The sounds pounded my soul, as I followed my traditional roots of motion... The way I let myself go into the realm of freedom that lies synonymous with creativity. I was offered another half a pill, and eventually decided to have it, as I wasn't really feeling much off the first half, and wanted to push the experience into the nostalgic euphoria I used to associate with ecstasy. Into the bathroom I went, to open the zip lock bag in privacy, to put it in my mouth get back to the dance floor and swallow it with some water as I resumed dancing. The temperature felt as though it had changed, the perspiration on my back had taken on a different sensation. It no longer felt sticky and humid, but instead like a comfortable coat of water, softly attached to my body. It had taken on an entirely new appreciation, almost like a forced appreciation.
I couldn't help but appreciate the sensations I was feeling if I tried. I gave Steve a big hug, and felt his firm body pressed up against mine, reinforcing that strong sense of security that I had learnt to associate with his gentle yet firm grip. The second half still hadn't kicked in by the time we decided to leave but I was not worried at all about leaving behind the conquest of dancing and satisfying those surges of energy by matching physical endorphins to the melodies and beats. As something more appealing was on the horizon, the conquest of spending the night with the man Iíd been watching since we left his house, in the club and walking on the way home with him.
I saw him smile, several times, a wide grin which I would later associate with a sense of belonging and euphoria as his dilated yet blue eyes looked into mine sharing a state of contentment. We headed back to his place, which was perhaps a 15-minute walk with the intention of cuddling in private and consuming some 2c-i (18mg each). He swallowed his capsule and I poured the contents out into my mouth, just as I felt the second half of the pill kick in. We went and sat out on the balcony as I felt my mind begin to encompass strong states of simplistic thought. I was able to sink in and out of reality in complete ego dissolution based bliss.
I looked at Steve and exchanged smiles, as he took a hit of some amyl and handed it to me. I inhaled a small amount making sure not to get too much. I sat and felt its weird inebriation sedate my stimulated state into sinking as deep into the chair as I could. My muscles were all quite relaxed, but there was absolutely no fatigue or discomfort in them. They felt as energetic as ever, without much impending desire to use them. Any movement I made felt satisfying, as we got up and headed into his bedroom to cuddle. Lying on his bed created an awesome feeling, every spot of his warm body that I touched released a sensation of inner warmth from hands onto him while flowing into my chest as if I was exchanging any from my hands into him and everywhere he touched a warmth would fill within that area towards me.
In the quiet of his bedroom I was able to hear my breathing which seemed a little racey as it would sort of bounce in rhythm with the speed of my heartbeat which was at about 125bpm. There was no over stimulation, although I was sweating a fair bit in the summer air, it didn't feel hot at all. My body appreciated the humidity and the moisture only added to the aesthetic appeal of the moment, like it was generating an electrical field around me, to help exchange the strong energies I was experience between us. I got up and had a shower after lying down for about half an hour and washed all the sweat off me. Feeling the water splashing on my shoulders and letting it pummel my face, feeling the water gushing in and out of my mouth, like the cookie monster from sesame street who never actually manages to swallow any cookies.
I felt my body liquefied and was delighted by the warmth and texture of the water as it ran down my spine. It felt as though I could feel each little drop hit me if I focused hard enough, and was able to recognize the diversity of speed at which the droplets raced down my body. I got out dried myself and headed back into the bedroom, and in no time I was perspiring again. Oh well, it was a fun experience showering.
Lying down on Steve's bed with our arms wrapped around each other, a strong sense of security washed over my already overtly calm state. I had no desire to do anything else at that present moment and it wasn't just the drugs talking, though if he wanted me to do something else, I would have happily have performed it for him, but seeing the grin on his face only brought me closer towards as we interchanged each other's euphoria. Slowly the 2c-i began to take affect after about an hour of ingesting it, and it brought with it a pleasant intensity, as I no longer was merely sharing his external stimulus but began feeling his internal dialogue exchange with mine. Once again, 2c-i had enhanced an emotional intensity up onto the next level. I felt the intensity rise within him, as patterns around the room began shifting, I moved away as to give him space as I felt he desired it. I didn't need to ask, I just acted on what my mind spoke to me as being the appropriate thing to do.
Eventually we cuddled some more and decided it was time to go explore the streets outside. I felt the night air, touch the perspiration on my skin the second we stepped outside. My hairs stuck up and a chill of euphoria snapped down my spine again, while simultaneously I sensed a state of unease in Steve occur as the familiar began to feel unfamiliar within him. He was not used to the psychedelic sensations and found them slightly off-putting as he began to judge his level of discernability and rationale thought. Whether it really was a good idea being outside at this present moment. I pushed him forward as I understood that it's usually the more difficult conquests that are performed while on psychedelics that turn out to be the most worthwhile.
So we walked with arms around each other, lost in our own voids of contemplation while simultaneously conversing with each otherís subconscious ego's until we got to the top of a large set of stairs. I felt Steveís unease build within him again as he began questioning his ability to perform the task of walking down the stairs in his intoxicated state. He began questioning his rationale thought, which at the present was obviously far more rationale then that of a substance like alcohol as he was doubting his ability to venture down the stairs, but the point remained the same as we sat at the top of the stairs. This was the first moment where I felt Steve's ego reveal itself to me, or at least exhibit some insecurities within himself, he was no longer the brave bold man I traditionally recognized him as, whether it was a hallucination or not, it appeared as though his inner child made an appearance and came out and allowed him to doubt his perception of things for a short while.
To prove our inebriation wasn't life threatening after a drunken couple stumbled down the stairs, I got up and ran down to the bottom and then back up to him in attempt to prove the security of my state. For one that is familiar with this bent perception it was obviously quite easy for me, but this was virtually his first truly hallucinogenic experience and so had every reason to doubt his abilities. We made it down and headed across to a wharf, not before passing a petrol station where Steve got his first taste of negative energy that was hard to interpret, No place screams negative vibes like a petrol station full of bad smells and upset looking youth driving away in their cars. At the wharf, I was comforted by a morning ambience, the pill was still going strong with me as I zoned in and out of thought, nothing could harm my state of mind during this moment.
Although Steve was beginning to suffer a few mental challenges as I would have assumed his pill was wearing off. He started interpreting my energy, and misinterpreting some of it and having a difficulty understanding the person that lay beneath the layer of skin I had. He was visualizing me as someone else and he was finding it quite disturbing, not only that but he was dealing with multiple questions about my personality, observing me to an intense degree as I felt him pull away then pull me closer, then away again. We could hear the birds chirping, the crickets singing, the waves splashing over and the cities night ambience of air conditioners and cars cutting through the still night air.
So we decided to make the trek back and to fast forward some of the romance, the venture past the petrol station and the journey back up the stairs, we eventually made it close to home. Which is where we saw 5 motorbikes pushed on their side on the ground, at which point Steve began questioning his visuals for delusions again. But no, someone had gone and pushed 5 motorbikes even with their locks swung around a post. It made me contemplate why someone would do such a thing and how simple damage can be and how the costs of material things can stack up in comparison to things like food.
I felt the thoughts within Steve and the thoughts within me combine as I challenged my own views and exterior ones that questioned what is necessary and why people feel the need to cause un-needed damage against someone elseís property, jealousy, hate, envy, dissatisfaction... what purpose do these emotions hold, and why is it that we still let greed run so many of our lives. Hippy bullshit, and as if it hasn't been thought before, it wasnít' significant, just significant that my contemplative void had been broken, and I was once again seeing a state of dissatisfaction present itself in the environment around me.
We got back into Steve's place, and he made it obvious that he wanted it to end now, so I hinted towards the best option, Valium and stilnox and gave him some space while he rested his nerves. The rest of the night faded slowly as I watched in my euphoric sedated state as he rested silently, and I questioned my ability to teach and learn from this man. Everything about the night seemed good, I subconsciously knew the events of the night weren't particularly insightful or romantic, but they'd inspired a new unexplainable love inside me. That love of such extraordinary simplicity that was paralleled in meditative intensity of my first experience with ecstasy.
Eventually I faded into sleep when the stilnox took effect and slept from about 6 or 6:30am until 3pm, waking up a little groggy from the stilnox and valium, but on the whole still sedated and quite pleasant, as though I was still high on the ecstasy. Even still, 4 days later I still feel elated within me, trying to put together the pieces that made the night so incredible, even if it doesn't need to be justified. The memories of rubbing my temple against his and feeling a conversion of his positive and negative energies transferred towards me, as intense geometric patterns formed in front of me while sitting on the wharf, it was an intensely emotional and connected collective experience.
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