Citation: Wolf. "The Battle between a Good and a Bad Trip: An Experience with 2C-E (exp58458)". Erowid.org. Dec 31, 2006. erowid.org/exp/58458
This is my first experience with psychoactive substances. Before this night I had only smoked dro once. I have really close friends who helped sit me, and understood the effects of 2c-e and how to take care of me. Overall I couldn't tell you if it was a good or bad trip, but only it was perfect and complete.
To help you maybe understand as well as I:
At this point in my life, I have been making a lot of decisions. I am soon to go off to college, and my #1 place is the United States Air Force Academy. That by itself is a hard decision. In retrospect, I realize my trip was all about decisions.
Iím a soccer/football player, very athletic, fast, good stamina, tolerant to pain, pilot qualified, smart, and driven. I like cats a lot, and since I was 8 and first playing soccer my parents have always called me coyote. Just a nickname that seemed good and stuck.
Other than myself,
Ryan-- A friend Iíve known for 3 years now. In the last year we have grown a lot closer than I had ever really expected us to. We first were buddies because of the whole LAN party scene. Over the years more and more things have connected us like soccer, hard calculus class, etc. He turned me on to 2c-e, he had tried it before. He has read almost every story on some websites involving shrooms and MDMA and likes to be really smart about using them. I agree but havenít researched it near to the depth of his. He understands better than anyone in this story what I went through.
John-- My best friend. I had never done anything 'bad' with him before. He got mixed in with some kids about 3 years ago but I was never involved. Iíve known him for about 5 years, and I can almost always tell what he is thinking, and I am really comfortable around him. He probably keeps me the sanest during my experience because he acts as a buffer between me and Maria.
Maria-- The only girl with us that night, Maria is a good friend of mine that I donít see very often. I used to have a thing for her 3 years ago when she went to my school but that quickly died down and was never brought back up. She graduated early and has her own apartment now so I donít get to see her very much. Maria has been around a lot of people when they are messed up, mainly on ecstasy. She is definitely the most involved in my trip even though she is the only sober one. I am really glad she is as knowledgeable as she is, because she was acting cool about some of the things I was doing in the trip, while she had every right to be uncomfortable and leave.
Andy-- A good friend of mine. We havenít hung out much really, but we get along well. I have only known him for about a year. He, like Ryan, knows a lot about the effects Iím going through, so he also helps take care of me. I have always kind of looked up to him because of his athleticism. While I am sure I could destroy him in soccer, he used to do Karate (which I thought was really cool) a lot and was really good at Dance Dance Revolution.
Kevin-- I've known of him for about 2 years now, but we never really talked until about 6 months ago. He is a very generous person, and will smoke anyone out and never be sour about it. He is a very easy going person, I am really comfortable around him even though I donít know him all that well.
We are out on Christmas break. I had bought the 2c-e from Ryan the day before. I woke up at 9:15AM to go to school soccer practice. Our coach is a soft spoken, but highly influential person in my life. I feel like he is judging me at every moment because I know he has high expectations for me. Not many players show up, so it was a very lackluster and effortless practice, and the coach is disgusted with us. He says he was nauseous at our lack of effort and heart. We just didnít want to be there because it was a waste of time to just play around because nobody showed up. So it is set to be a pretty dreary day. Itís cold and raining.
I get home, and Ryan (who didnít go to soccer due to a knee injury) messages me to see if I wanted to spend the night and trip on the 2c-e and he would sit me. I agree, but have nothing to do all day so he and John come over. We just chill for a while until about 5 I go to baby-sit my cousins for a couple hours to earn some petty cash because I have no time for a job with school. Around 8 o'clock I go to Ryanís house. We set up a computer for me, and wait for the other friends to get there. John arrives and sets up and soon Andy arrives. We are waiting for Ryanís parents to go to sleep so we are sitting around anxious, playing some games, relaxing. Maria calls John on the phone and they talk for along time. From what I gathered she is having some trouble with some friends. She is a good friend to all of us, so we invite her over. She comes over and we hang out till Ryanís parents go to sleep.
I mix 13mg of 2c-e into a 20oz. Vitamin Water. Ryan and Andy both parachute 1 tab of MDMA. I drink my vitamin water then lick the inside of the bag of 2c-e to get all 13mg. Now we play the waiting game
Nobody is feeling anything yet. My pupils are huge. We turn the lights out and put on some techno, Andy is really good at raving so he raves for a while to entertain us mildly.
I start to feel a body high. I feel like the T-1000 in terminator 2 how it is melting into the ground. It feels really cool, but nothing psychedelic yet. Ryan and Andy are starting to feel their MDMA. John drinks a little bit of Vodka, but not overly.
It hits. I donít really realize it coming on, but now that its here I know it. Glow sticks started having a small trail of light. Curves become highly defined. If I move my back, it feels like Iím moving symmetrical with the line of symmetry straight down my body. Walking isnít awkward. I have complete control of my body and mind. It just seems like Iím starting to walk into candy land. Maria is scratching Ryan, because she knows it feels amazing to him. She has been around people on ecstasy a lot, so she knows how to entertain them. While I am watching her, she starts to look like a cat. Not like a visual, she didnít literally look like a cat, but in my mind, I KNEW she looked like a cat, and I couldnít figure out why. I walk over to her and sit next to her on the couch, and held her arm. I was trying to see if she had fur. She was really warm, so from there on I recognized her as a warmth. She doesnít feel like a cat, and she looks at me and says hey how are you doing? I replied with.. youíre not a cat.. like she had been trying to convince me. She doesnít really get it, so she keeps messing with Ryan and Andy.
I lay on the ground with my body spread out for what seemed like 20 minutes, just staring at the ceiling. The glow sticks moving around causing shadows to move was really cool. It was like the lamp was raving.
Kevin shows up. Ryan had called him to see if he would come smoke us out if we chipped in. Kevin, being the nice guy he is, agreed, and came over. He brought a bubbler with him that was a triple filtration glass snake. Let me tell you, this piece, tripped me out. I went in the bathroom with him and Ryan as he prepared it. I was interested because I had never seen how it was setup before, and the piece was really cool. He is picking through the schwag to get some ready, and I keep zooming in on little pieces on the outside of the pile and scraping them back in and tell him not to waste it. I was kind of acting meticulous I guess. Then he pulls out the piece to show us, and I get entranced. It is a decorative snake with lots of colors, and I look at it dazed, and realize that the colors are also snakes. I looked at the piece in amazement for at least 5 minutes until he needed it back.
I am still watching him and his hands start looking really big (knuckles and fingers mainly). He is a big guy, but they look abnormally strong. I tell him he has bear hands. He was like ok man thatís cool, but then I think he's a bear. Here he is digging through this schwag (vegetation in the forest I guess?) he's got his strong big knuckled hands (paws), he's a big guy (bear), and his face starts to look like a bear. I was happy, this was awesome. I wasnít afraid of the bear, he was a nice bear, because I know he is a really nice person.
So my new bear friend (Kevin), Ryan, and I, proceed outside where everyone is waiting for us. I am barefooted, so I go back inside to get my shoes. I walk into the room, find my shoes put them on and proceed outside. Passing through the living room, I see a bunch of Nutcracker dolls that Ryanís parents put up on a high ledge. They had Christmas lights under them which made them have a weird glow. I quickly decide they are evil and watching me, so I hurry through. We go outside, and the scenery was awesome. Colors werenít distorted, I had no fake visuals, but everything had a new shine to it. The stairs are that concrete made out of a bunch of pebbles, and as Maria and I (she is warm so Iím holding onto her) are walking down, I reach down to look at the pebbles and touch them. They feel like cold pearls, and really cool. I look up at the sky, and all I saw was the dead trees looming above me. I instantly recognized them as evil. They looked as they were leaning down on us, but I wasnít scared because I knew that I was protected from them.
We smoke right in front of his house, almost on the street. I am enchanted by the piece we are smoking from, and the fact we are right in front of his house. Moving lights are really amplified to me, so we see cars going by on streets down the road and I see a lot of light and determine they are police and turn to run inside but my friends tell me its ok nobody is here. I have some sinus built up, so I go to the grass and shoot it out of my nose. I have a little left in my nose and donít want to wipe it on my shirt so I rub my face in the grass. This is amazing. The texture of the cold wet grass tickling the hair on my face is sensational. I roll my head in it for about 30 seconds until Maria says ___! what are you doing?? I turn around everyone is looking at me kinda funny, but understand that I am tripping balls. Its my turn on the piece, they hand me the lighter, and I stop what Iím doing and just stare at the lighter. It is like metallic with etched designs and patterns. I get lost in it for a few seconds until they realize what Iím doing and say snap me out of it so I can take my hit.
I take a hit and release, and for about 20 seconds, I canít feel the trip effect. I pass the piece around and soon regain Tripping. This whole time I am holding pretty tightly to Maria because she is really warm, and I feel almost like she is protecting me from the trees. Then I look up and see Andy. Iím not sure what he was doing, but he was puffing up his chest or something, so he looked like superman for a second. I called him superman and laughed thinking nothing of it, but then he played along and he indeed becomes superman. Like Maria with the cat, he didnít actually LOOK like superman, but I knew it was him. So we are done smoking, and John walks out into the street, Iím not sure what he was doing. I see him under the light, and I remember how Ryan had told me running really fast while tripping was amazing.
So I follow john into the middle of the street and the wind hits me. It feels delightful. So I turn to everyone and say 'This is funny because none of you can catch me,' and take off running down the perpendicular street to Ryanís front door. At first they are kind of like oh shit chase him, but Ryan cant because his knee is hurt, and Andy is the only other one with a chance of getting me. So I see him running after me and Iím saying 'Comon superman letís run!!!' and I have run about 200 yards and I start slowing down so he can catch me. When he gets about 5 yards away, I fake him out and run a different way. Iím not trying to get away, Iím just playing games. So he chases me some more and I turn directions again, and run farther away from the house. He stops. I run for a while more, at a light jog speed. This feels great.
He walks back to the group and tell them that he isnít worried that I will be back. I hear them calling me to come back and I turn around to say donít worry guys ill be right back. Right then I turn back around and look, and i]m at an intersection of two streets. The lights are out across the intersection except for way in the distance. The trees are really tall and scary. I felt like I was at the end of a long tunnel, with evil right on the other side of a door.
I turned around and ran as FAST as I could back. Earlier that day I had played a cheesy hunting game that had a 'bullet time' whenever I shot my gun. As I was running back, I was in bullet time, aiming right at the group. I got a new picture of where they were every 5 seconds or so, it was like I was jumping squares back. As I get closer, I aim for the middle of the group, where Superman(Andy) is standing. It worked out weird because he was exactly in the middle, it was symmetrical around him. So I aim right in at him, and donít slow down. Iím sprinting right at him and about 10 yards away they are saying 'oh shit'. I stop about 2 yards ahead of him, just enough to grab him around the chest and stop myself completely. I say 'I wasnít gonna hurt you superman.' I realize now, I had been listening to a comedy where part of it was about shooting people with superman shirts in the chest. I was the bullet, running as fast as I could at superman, but I knew, the REAL superman (Andy) wouldnít be hurt. So I stopped, and he wasnít hurt. Everyone thought that was really weird, and a good time for us to go back inside.
We are back inside. Blood and testosterone is pumping through me like crazy, veins are defined all down my arms, so I take off my shirt and go sit down on the couch. Maria is sitting next to me, and Superman is behind her massaging her back. Ryan is laying down listening to techno, in chill mode. As Iím sitting there, she keeps reacting to his massage like jumping every once in a while when he hits a sweet spot. I get disgusted because the way he was sitting with his legs folded up, made it look like they were her legs, and they looked like one entity, and indeed, right in front of me, were fornicating. I was saying things like 'gross can yall stop that, Iím right here !' They donít know what Iím talking about so he keeps massaging her.
I go on with this for about 10 minutes. Andy then leans over to me to say ok what is wrong ,what are you seeing? I tell him what it looks like and he says its ok that he doesnít like her. I said I know, and that I didnít either, but I felt like he was beating me. He said ' beating you?' I felt like we were on that game where the girl sits behind the wall and asks bachelor #1&2 questions. Donít know the name of that game, but I felt like we were playing a game to get her. So I tell him that and he assures me that it isnít true, and that Iím only tripping. I agree and sit back. But it keeps bothering me. I feel like everyone is judging me, and on top of that, Superman has way more game with Maria than me. As Iím sitting there talking about it, Maria starts to mess with me. She is more used to people on X than 2c-e so she starts to scratch my chest.
I was in mid sentence when she first did it, and it stopped my sentence and my entire train of thought. I cannot explain to you how amazing this scratch felt. I donít know if she was going along with the cat thing, or it was just a coincidence, but I then was like oh my god she is a cat. She keeps scratching me, and it is amazing. I close my eyes and all I see is her face floating above me as Iím laying on a bed somewhere and her body is a blur, but it seems like she has 1000 arms and they are all massaging me. Let me tell you at this point, she became THE hottest girl in the planet. She became the cat figure, but so sexy. Like I said earlier, curves were more defined, and I donít just mean her backside or chest, even the bends in her elbow and knees looked amazing. I was holding her while she was scratching me, and I started to massage her back and run my hands along her. At this instant, the ONLY thing I wanted was to take her in the other room and make that visual true.
She was playing it cool too, she understood how it was, so she didnít get put off as I was what I would call all over her, while I wasn't touching her in inappropriate places I was leaning in like I would kiss her but then just resting on her shoulder and rubbing her back and ribs. I kept saying to her ' is this not awkward to you? ' because I was EXTREMELY concerned about how she was thinking about me. I felt like I was making a bad impression on her and that she would never see me the same. So I would think about that and stop for a bit, but then she would scratch me again and I went back into her entrancement. That lasted for about 20 minutes. I kept being really concerned that she was slowly hating me.
I started to become amazed with her facial features, mainly her eyes. I turned an ipod on above her head, only to see her eyes better, and they were beautiful. I stared at them for a second until she was like ok what are you doing? So I told her to look straight at me and not at the ipod, I would move it above her head so the light would reflect off of her eyes so I could see them better. She decided to follow the ipod to fuck with me. She did this for about 5 minutes, and wouldnít participate. She has never tripped before so she didnít realize that I REALLY needed her to just follow the ipod so I could see her eyes. I get despaired that she doesnít love me and I had indeed made a bad impression because she wouldn't play along.
I go lay down near Ryan, and just stair at the ceiling. It starts to shift to bad trip, and when I say shift, I mean turn over quickly, it changes REALLY fast. The shelf next to my head grows really tall and dark, and is leaning over laughing at me. It is evil. I am rejected from Maria (whom I donít even like that way), and am surrounded by Evil (Trees, Darkness). It turns bad, I get scared. Maria, and Superman, both sources of protection from this evil are now against me. I start crying. I cry, and am screaming inside my head, fighting with everything I had to not give in. This last for what seemed like 30 minutes, but Ryan later said it was like 10 minutes maybe. I go to the bathroom to blow my nose because I now have a lot of sinus built up from crying. I lay back down to Ryan who said the X wasnít very good, so he was just kinda laying down chilling. He is always a very chilled person, who likes to just lay there and give good advice. Like I said earlier, he read websites a lot before trying anything and knew better than anyone what I was going through. I lay next to him and talk to him about whatís going on. Like a good friend he just lays there and takes it all in and just tells me to chill and calm down that its ok. He then becomes Jesus. Once again, he doesnít literally look like him, but takes his character over. So then I hunch down next to him like I am praying and tell him how Maria hates me and Superman is against me. He becomes another source of protection. I lay there and try to block out the talking, because he rolled over to tell Maria fairly sternly to come lay with me, that I really needed her.
I lay there, and she doesnít come over. I keep talking to him, after what I told him about Maria I didnít remember what I said after that, but then about 5 minutes later Maria said to Andy that I looked like I was having a hard time. Ryan sat up and said thatís because your sitting on your ass and not over here with him like I told you. She realizes that he knows what he is talking about. I look over and thank him for knowing so much, and she quickly comes over by me. She lays her head on my chest just resting there, and everything starts to feel better. Iím warm again, the shelf next to me straightens up and no longer scares me. She is really warm, almost like she had a glow. I lay there and once again everything was ok and calm. She is talking to me like 'whatís the matter babe?' I tell her that everything is ok because she is here now.
Maria is now laying with me and Iím not thinking about anything. Just warmth. I shift so that I am holding her very close. I wasnít trying to be sexual in anyway, but we were very close. In my mind, I was only protecting her. From this point on, I was a wolf. I didnít look like a wolf, I didnít want to think I was one, but I Knew that I indeed was. (Old nickname of coyote, and I used to like wolves a lot) So as I lay in what I was seeing as my den, protecting Maria, who now was not a cat, but a beautiful tiger type animal. I was the Alpha-Male wolf who didnít want any other wolves to touch her.
So Andy(Superman) walked over to talk to me and Maria to see if I was better again and when he got near us I sat up and pulled Maria closer to me and I think I growled at him, like he was a threat. So he sat about 2 feet away from us to talk because he knew I didnít want him close to her. This lasted for about 30 minutes. The two of us just laying there with me 'protecting her from the other animals.' So I took over the wolf aspect(friends in soccer had nicknamed me the beast) and I went with it. But then I started to feel like I was evil because I was controlling Maria so I cried a little more and told Ryan(Jesus). Andy(Superman) overheard and came to talk to me, he said that it was not like that at all, that he wasn't trying to take her from me. He said to come with him out of the room. I stood up, kissed Maria on the cheek and told her to be safe, I would be back soon, and walked over to the door. He opened it and walked through but I just stared into the hallway. I didnít want to leave her. I turned to her and gazed at her. He realized what I was doing, and leaned back in and whispered to me that 'if you love something you have to let it go.' That hit me hard with reality.
So I slowly stepped through the door watching her the whole way, and closed the door slowly watching her picture get smaller and smaller. We walk through the living room, past the evil nutcracker dolls who looked more and more sinister, to the kitchen. As we are there, he is trying to calm me down and tell me that he is my friend and isnít trying to take Maria from me. I tell him im sorry that I know he isnít, itís just the drugs making me think it. He laughs and says I know buddy, donít worry about it. He then begins to explain more about the drug to me. He tells me how I am just like a child now, looking at the world but with adult emotions tied in. I realize how true that is, and I begin to realize that protecting Maria like that was stupid, and I didnít know why I was doing it. As we walk out into the living room again, I see Ryan's Cat on the couch. Like I said, I like cats. I like this cat especially because he was chilled and would let me come and pet him. So I say 'superman wait for a minute, I want to pet the cat.' He said you'll be fine in here, and walked to Ryanís room.
I lay on the couch and put the cat on top of my chest and pet it. The cat is taking my affection well, and keeps rubbing his head on me and sitting there looking at me. Though it never looked like he was talking to me, I knew what he was telling me. He was telling me that he slept here on the couch all day because he had to protect people from the evil nutcrackers. I laid there for about 5 minutes with him, then got up to go back to Ryanís room. As I open the door to Ryanís room, I did the same thing I did when first leaving the room, but with the cat. I watched him as I closed the door. If you love something you have to let it go, I kept telling myself. I sit down at the computer to eat my cereal dry. I look at itunes and nothing seems interesting to me. I scroll through until I see a Metallica song I had recently downloaded. I put it on, and put the headphones in my ears. The volume was up way to loud, but for some reason, it didnít hurt my ears. The song engulfed me. Once the heavy part of the song kicked in, I stood up abruptly and sang along quietly. I was staring evilly at the wall in front of me, absorbing the music. It made me feel evil. But instead of stopping it, I liked it. It reminded me of playing football and how I just wanted to knock the crap out of someone.
So I sat there slightly head banging listening to Metallica, the whole time flexing as hard as I could with my arms down my side. I flexed my fingers outwards so it felt like I had my 'claws out'(im still a wolf). This song was really trippy, it really made me feel like I wanted to kill something, almost animal like instinct. John told me later that morning that he was scared I was going to beat the shit out of someone, but I seemed calm so he didnít stop me. After that song, I kept scrolling. I saw animal I have become by three days grace pop up, and it caught all of my attention. I put the song on, but had the headphones in my ears, not wanting to put them in. I was thinking that I didn't want to be an evil killing wolf, but the music coming out of the headphones entranced me so I put them on. From the last song, the blood and testosterone were pumping through me pretty well, so listening to the Animal I have become tripped me out pretty hard.
After that I put the head phones down, and turned my chair towards the wall away from everyone else. I looked at my hands that were flexed out like I had my 'claws' out. I made them go limp, telling myself I wasn't evil. Behind me, John turned it to Sandstorm. I heard the song and paused. I never turned around, but was listening with full interest. My right hand then became my F-16(that I was piloting) and every time the bass hit, I dropped another bomb on my left hand(helpless innocent cities). This was hard for me. I started crying again. I didnít want to hurt innocent people, but I kept telling myself that they werenít innocent and it was my duty. I felt like I was already in the Air Force and my drill sergeant was telling me to quit being a wuss. I cried for about 10 minutes over the subject then tried to stop thinking about it. (This was weird to me because I do support the war, and am fully willing to partake in it).
I looked in Ryanís closet for some weights. I was 'in boot camp' now, so I began to bench press the dumbbells he had. They werenít much, but I did it for about 5 minutes until I was tired. I then put them on the floor and began doing pushups with my hands on them. I envisioned my sergeant staring me in the face yelling at me as I did pushups, looking for some reason to make me do more. I did a lot of pushups, and finally got tired. I put the weights back into the closet.
Iím starting to come down now. I had been thinking a lot about the decisions I was making. As a wolf and a human, I was having to fight through the decision to be good or evil, and directly related to how I was thinking at the time was how my trip would go. Since I was starting to come down, I got on Ryanís computer and listened to some music, and clicked around a bit. I found myself google imaging Wolves, and staring at their pictures. Then I started to look at F16's. I was trying to see myself as them, and I succeeded. I knew that they were part of me.
Iím completely off now. I am laying down looking at the ceiling saying ' wow '. John says something to me and I say ' that was crazy,' to imply that I was down now. About 5 minutes later Maria left (She stayed because she didnít want to leave incase I needed her again. I appreciate that more than she will ever know). After Maria left, I sat next to John and talked to him for about 20 minutes. I was trying to tell him about what was happening during my trip, and he said he was scared and thought I was a werewolf or something. I told him he was right, but it was ok. I tried to tell him about my experience but I couldnít find the right words. He then said he wanted to go to sleep because everyone else was asleep, and I agreed. I went into Ryanís room and laid in bed with Andy(superman) and went to sleep about 20 minutes later.
I woke up the next morning having only slept about 4-5 hours. I got up and walked around the room a little bit, thinking frantically about what had happened. I went back into the LAN room and sat there listening to an ipod, curled up in a ball reflecting what happened. Ryan soon woke up and came and talked to me. I told him that it was crazy, and thanked him for taking care of me. Soon I got a call from my parents saying that dad needed help working on the cars and to come home. I get my stuff together, tell Ryan I would see him later, got in my truck and drove home.
Working on cars after that experience SUCKED. I was so tired, and my mind was absolute mush. Luckily though, we got to a point where we needed a part that we didnít have, so we stopped and ate lunch. I devoured my burger, went upstairs and slept all day. I woke up at around 7 and Ryan came over to give me a cd he burned for me that I forgot. He also came over I assume to help me reflect. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, and we decided to go for a walk. We ended up walking to a fast food place about a mile and a half away from my house and back. We talked the whole way. I got back home, he left. I stayed up until I was tired enough to sleep until morning, then went to bed.
This was crazy. I do not know if it was a good or bad trip, because it was about me deciding to be good or evil, and during the trip I did both. All I can say is it was complete, everything in the trip made sense, and all went together. I know why everything that happened that night happened and it amazes me. At this point I am unsure if I will do it again, but I am sure it wonít be for a while. I learned a lot about myself that night, that I may have never known.
I want to say that I am so thankful to my friends who sat me. While they werenít sober, they were in their right minds, and really helped me through the rollercoaster ride. I feel weird now, I still feel like I made a weird impression on Maria, and she would have every right to be weirded out by me now, because for about 30 minutes, all I wanted was her. But I think she knows that this isnít the case, so I am thankful that she is decently educated about that. Iím very grateful to Ryan and Andy for helping me through during the trip with advice, and John for acting like the buffer between me and the others sometimes(I would talk to him because I thought he was the only sane one who actually cared). Also thanks to Kevin, who smoked us out. He is a very generous person, and I feel in his debt. Though I do plan to pay him some next time I see him, it was still very nice of him.
Overall this was a crazy new experience for me and I didnít realize how much I can learn about myself. I donít regret it in anyway, but have yet to decide if I will try it again.
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