Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Panic. "Birthday Trip: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp58298)". Erowid.org. Jun 17, 2009. erowid.org/exp/58298
I would consider this a level one with borderline level two experiences. I started my day depressed from a cannabis hangover. The day prior I had smoked, I was feeling depressed, and not in the mood to do any work on my birthday. So I opened up my stash, and decided that a cap and a stem would suit me just fine. I dosed at about noon, which I later found to be a good and a bad thing. The mushrooms tasted terrible as is to be expected, and they were fortunately bearable with a few pieces of chocolate. Water afterwards helped to wash it all down.
Things progressed within twenty minutes. I began to feel a very moderate stoned feeling, slowed motion, though my mind remained fairly clear. Things seemed to vibrate and pulsate more than usual, and my reality was becoming visibly altered. My consciousness began to change slowly, and I became much more whimsical and had a few small emotional outbursts of laughter, I was no longer depressed. I went downstairs and lay in the dark. The lights on the ceiling, which were off, seemed to move toward me though fixed, my basement wall expanded and grew further away, and the brick walls seemed to have a more beautiful tone to it than it has ever before. A painting that is usually out of my vision had a beautiful glow to it. The black frame and black wall borders began to pulsate with blue dots and the wall moved slightly, but logically distorted. Inside the painting a man on a horse began to move, as one would imagine his movement along the coast of a lake in a forest.
I went upstairs with great effort, and probably some intermittent dancing. I attempted to read a book, but began to lose sight of what I was working on, and decided to quit that task. I worked from room to room very slowly. I managed to come to the doorway of the upstairs bathroom. I turned the light on, and the wall amazed me more than ever before, it was constantly dying and being reborn. It was faux-painted in a blue purple tinge, and I found this constant birth and death to be pleasing in its infinite mortality. A ladder's cast shadow on the wall pleased me in its resemblance to some far off thought. It was beautiful, because it would end, and it the same time it became so saddening I felt that I might cry.
I turned my head slowly and saw the beautiful lights of sunsets and sunrises. I found it difficult to leave. I am not sure how long I stood there, but it may as well have been for a thousand eternities. I peered outside the door of this room on occasion and saw my living room as a paradise filled with beautiful plants. It was indeed filled with plants, but it seemed more beautiful somehow. I reluctantly turned off the light, and left realizing that this experience must end. I proceeded back to my room, and turned the light on and off. The blanket on my bed began to die and be reborn as the light changed. The light was extremely pleasant. The blanket appeared to me as a beautiful snake, but I was still able to distinguish its true form. Somewhere in between I stopped in the hall and became entranced at some family pictures. I imagined myself as a little child in a desert where I once saw preserved dinosaur footprints deep in the ground. I remembered the jacket I wore and how the wind felt. The picture beside it of my grandparents and my family made me feel many emotions that of sadness, love, and happiness.
I continued then from there to the kitchen. I found a wetness on my feet, and looked down, and decided I had to clean it up, and proceeded to get a towel. I found a large mess of vomit my dog had spit up, mostly just aqueous and not substance, but I cleaned it, and then found more on the hardwood floor. I cleaned this up, and I thought the mess continued further, but it instead was the intense texture in the floor that intrigued with its dark beauty. I continued after this to turn my head and look outside a window. There in my backyard the grass grew and became more and more green. I love grass and I often wish for it in the winter, and I saw this and marveled at it. I wondered how I had never noticed this green spectacle before. Later that night it snowed and removed all this beauty.
I got up and attempted to empty the dishwasher. I took the plates out and put them up, and stopped to look at one, which seemed to have a peculiar alternate dimension to it that I could not access. I stopped emptying the dishwasher, because I could no longer deduce if the dishes were clean or not any longer. So I decided to stop the task. At one point I looked at the wall by the stairs which had a penciled picture of myself at seven or eight years of age. The picture appeared to float placidly and energy seemed to flow through it. At the time my mind was at complete peace.
I have lost track of the specifics in between that, but I continued to my room and turned on the television. There was a children's program on. It was called 'Ask Wanda' it fascinated me, and I learned many things in this time. As random jolts of electric pleasure would pulse through my body while watching this. Like immense orgasms. Wanda had a beautiful voice, and she was so kind and generous and perfect. The children that asked her questions were just like me. I remembered as a child watching television at a home near my father's work, loving the old memories, playing with friends and imagining so many things. the show eventually ended, and I assume I adjourned downstairs. I remember walking down the stairs being careful to use the handrail as my perception was off. I listened to music and relaxed for a time. My world was serene and without thought.
After a time I heard my mother come home, this was expected, and I perceived it to be a problem I would have to deal with. My heart pounded and my mind shifted through thousands of thoughts. This began the bad part of my trip. I turned off my music player, and turned on HBO to Antz, which I found considerably unentertaining. She yelled down that she had gotten me a cake for my birthday, and all I could say was 'cool'. Feeling immense guilt for not thanking her. Then she either yelled down that I could have a piece or something about the vomit in the hall. I presumed it was the former and not the latter, and invited her to cake. She replied 'No that's just weird.' I began to panic.
I got on the computer and felt terrible. I was in a bad thought loop. I consulted a new friend who had tripped before, and found great comfort in his counsel. He showed me a video that was visually stimulating, but I also found frightening because of the 'fire head' and the 'mushroom men' I eventually had to stop watching it. I was out of this negative thought loop in around an hour, and I think it may have been largely a result of the drugs wearing off. At one point I was in the downstairs bathroom and looked into the mirror, and deduced that I was a monster. My face kept morphing into new shapes, and became more and more ugly. I tried to escape the bathroom, but papers stuck to my feet and I found them to be a great discomfort. I looked on the wall at two drawings I had done as a child. I finally understood why I had done them originally, and the actions that I had made while producing these pictures. This bathroom was evil, and I wished to avoid reentering at all costs.
I began to feel happier, and decided light was the only link to keeping me happy, and that I would not be safe with the lights off. I danced and reached for the ceiling which seemed closer than it has ever before, and began to be happy. My hearing became extremely amplified, and I could hear things with very little trouble. I switched from the preselected trip music to the radio, and turned the volume down to the lowest setting. The sounds became too loud to tolerate, and I held the earphones in my hand like a Buddha. I began to pace back and forth in the light, and made the most enlightening realization, at least to myself, 'everything has purpose and everything has power', and exactly in that order. Uttering this pleased me and made me feel very happy.
At this time the effects were wearing off, and I paced for a while longer and then became depressed. Later on as I was coming down I was not feeling any more trippy effects, except for a strong stoned feeling, and I had a difficult time controlling my emotions. Bad emotions stayed with me without any effort, and good emotions were difficult to conjure. I think it is best to be as free of stress as possible when tripping to reduce anxiety from the outside world, which I was feeling very strongly. I ordered pizza with some cautious phone calls, and it arrived and I spoke to my mother and I loved her and had a great appreciation for her. I realized many times during my trip how much I loved my mother, and how I would change things.
To some extent I have done this, and to some extent not. As the effects wore off on this birthday, I enjoyed the company of my family, and I loved them as I have not in a long time.
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