Citation: Kaiowas3. "Unexplainable Beauty: An Experience with LSD (exp57959)". Erowid.org. Jul 24, 2009. erowid.org/exp/57959
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After a very mild and unexciting acid experience about 3 months earlier, I was not expecting anything close to what happened. I had purchased 4 tabs from a friend so that I could take more if 1 tab was not strong enough. I was supposed to meet a friend in a couple of hours and thought I had some time to kill so I found the tabs and took one.
At first, I was watching this asinine TV show about people running into things and acting like idiots. It called Americas Funniest Videos. Normally I would leave the tv on while doing something else, but suddenly this became the funniest thing I had ever seen. I started to laugh my ass off uncontrollably at every video and could not stop even when my roomate came in. One thing that made it very uncomfortable was that I had not warned my roomates beforehand that I had taken acid and found it very difficult to explain once I was on it, so I just kept trying to avoid them, but that was very hard considering how small our apartment is. Also considering I would keep staring at them and smile which they probably found to be very creepy.
So I was watching the television show, still partly in reality, thinking that this acid must be the mild kind without any hallucinations. Then my eyes settled on the fan that was rotating. There was a light source emanating from the center and the colors became like water, swirling and melting from blue to light blue to white. I was surprised that I was hallucinating and stood up and the entire room became wavy and I felt a bit motion sick. I hobbled to the bathroom with my arms out in front of me and looked in the mirror. I could see my face and it was huge. My flesh was sort of moving around, I felt like I was in an illustration like Scanner Darkly or Waking Life. That is actually the best explanation of what everything around me turned into. I then accidently locked myself in the bathroom and did not know how to get out. I did not want to bother my roomates or freak them out so I stayed in the bathroom for what felt like an hour and thought maybe I would have to climb out the window. I tried with the doorknob again and finally it turned and I was back in the room.
In my mind, I thought I was going on a journey, which I guess I was, and started to pack my backpack with the supplies, laptop, camera, pencils, sketchbook, ipod, ipod speaker, jacket and brought it all to my bed. I spread everything out and opened my laptop and started playing Thelonius Monk. It was the most amazingly beautiful music I had ever heard. I sat on my bed and stared out the window at the condominiums across the street and it was so unexplainable beautiful and the lighting was incredible. Prior to this experience I had felt uncreative and uninspired living in New York because of the superficiality, my school, and the city, but at that moment I realized that the creativity and potential was inside me and all of us and I could find wonder in everything if I looked for it. I realize this all sounds incredibly cliche, but I felt so inspired and all these self revelations were coming to me and I was completely happy and at peace with myself and my abilities. I think I stared at the condominiums for about 5 hours. I cannot really remember my thoughts then, but I remember seeing the most beautiful lights and colors and patterns everywhere and the music was amazing. I also remember thinking that I could never go back to my old life again. That this had completely changed my life and I could never go back knowing what I knew now and thought I understood.
Then my laptop died and without music it became less pleasurable. I had also turned my phone to silent because I did not think I could handle talking to anyone. The friend I was supposed to meet had called and when I listened to the voicemail, I started to laugh happily and felt his presence with me. I had opened my window and the cold air was coming into my room, but every time I would shiver, waves of euphoria would flow through my body and I would look at the the lightshow and feel incredibly at peace and happy. Then I realized that I had my ipod with me and started playing Comets on Fire. It was the most intense music I had ever listened to. I went from Comets on Fire, to Volcano, to Velvet Underground, to Blue Cheer, to Jefferson Airplane, to the Wipers. I thought they must have all been on acid when they wrote the music, because it was just too perfect.
Time was totally random. I took it at 12 pm and the next time I checked my watch it was 5 pm and dark. The darkness totally intensified the available light. I could not get up and turn on the lights in the room, mostly because I became scared of my roomates and was afraid they would call the police for some reason. At the peak of the acid I was scared, and there was no one to console me except myself. I told myself that it was a journey and that it would eventually end, which helped. So I took out my notebook and started to draw with the light from my cellphone. I believe I did this for like 4 hours. Every pen stroke would light up and then go dark.
This made me very happy to draw. Everything I drew felt like some sort of revelation and it felt like anything was possible. I felt so sure and so capable, like I had found the inner artist in myself. I felt like I had realized my potential. I felt like I was underestimating myself previously and wondered how I could not see the wonder in everything. I remember saying to myself 'why did you not realize the blinds before? they are amazing! The highlights and the shadows alone would make a great painting! I've never realized how wonderful the blinds are!' I pretty much thought shit like this about everything including the dresser.
Every once in a while I would have to get up to go to the bathroom and it was extremely uncomfortable because I did not want to see anyone. I wanted everyone I knew to be with me and experience this new world, and was very sad that they could not see what I was seeing. I was in another universe/dimension and at some point could not distinguish between reality and the trip. I thought the trip had become reality and that I would never go back. Around 10 pm, I was tired, my eyes were tired, and the trip would not end. I sort of wanted it to end, and was uncomfortable because I had been laying in my bed for 10-11 hours at that point without food, water, or any interaction. I could not go outside because of my roomates and did not want to talk to anyone.
It ended around 3 in the morning, and I waited until my roomates were in bed and I went to the bathroom and ate some food and sat on the couch for a while. I then realized that there was writing all over my body and could not remember when or how it got there. One thing that was written was 'The laughing mocks me', I have no idea what that means. I also looked at my notebook and it looked like another person had written all over it. I finally went to sleep for about 4 hours and had to wake up at 9 to go to class. I felt totally out of it. I could not interact with anyone, and felt like I was not stable and could not hold anything. I could not really focus on anything and my eyes kept darting from one person to the next. But I felt like a different person. I was totally sure and at peace with myself. I did not wear any makeup or care, because I felt like I had transcended all of that. I realize this sounds very cliche and retarded, but I felt like I could finally see the beauty and potential of every human being. How much potential I had. How limited we all are.
I knew though that I could never do acid in my apartment again. I had to do it where there is a bigger space and a canvas set up with art supplies. I would want to do it alone I think, I do not think I could handle someone else tripping out next to me. I couldn't do it without music either. Yesterday when I was off of it, but still had some feelings left, I wanted to get back to reality, and never thought I would get back there, but now I am back in reality and I want to experience it again. I probably will do half a tab next time. LSD took me to someplace I could never conceive of and showed me how far I can push my senses. It was a really intense experience, and words can never explain what happened. I did not even try to explain it to anyone afterwards because I couldn't.
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