Citation: DemonSeed. "Contemplative Walk of Autumn: An Experience with 2C-E (exp57925)". Erowid.org. Jan 9, 2007. erowid.org/exp/57925
||(powder / crystals)
It is Saturday 2:00 PM. I feel rested and available for a psychedelic experience. I decide to take 19 mg of 2C-E. Itís one of the phenethylamines I am the most experienced with. A few months ago, I discovered the joys of the contemplative walk under its influence. Lately I have been using 2C-E a lot, especially to play a video game, the Final Fantasy XII. That was a fantastic experience, it felt like I was on a mystic quest. I came to realise this compound really reveals itself to me when I twin it with meditation or just let myself sink into daydreaming. The first time I did 2C-E, after a break of one month while I heavily practiced meditation, I had life-changing spirituals experiences. I would go for long hours, solitary walking into nature. It was summer, but now the autumn has come. The weather and the landscape have gone through a complete metamorphose. I will follow the same route I walked this summer but to admire the new season, a whole new world. In last June, on those walks, I was touched by some of the most charming graces.
I will leave in about one or two hours, the time needed to peak enough and to let the nausea pass. I think it is of primary importance to take the time to prepare one bodyís and mindís before the communion with God, or Nature (I personally call that Pan), what constitutes for me the psychedelic experience, a religious ritual.
5:20 PM. I just came back from my walk. It didnít went as I envis-aged it. I took 2C-E while it wasnít the favourable occasion. Now I have a tiredness on my eyes and doesnít feel so well. Writing those few lines relieve me, I feel better because I am doing something I love. I am having difficulty to find my words, am somewhat confuse, yet calm. I am starring at my sheet, sinking in the flow of my thoughts.
. . .
I open the window to let some fresh air in, in the Indian way, I sit on my bed and I meditate. In my opinion, every traveller of the psyche should have this practice. There are many kinds of meditation, but all of them share a fundamental goal: to calm. Personally, I like to meditate at least an hour. I take deep and slow breathe, first inflating my stomach with air and then my lunges, like a vase. I concentrate to slacken my body and my mind. For a good part of it, I sing mantras, some words like will, god, succeed or even just spontaneous syllables, the like of ohm. Certain phonemes alleviate me more than others or make me vibrate of a larger joy. I also add to this expiry where I just let air gently rub on my vocal cords. When I am doing this, itís feel like a part of me is manifesting itself. I never received any teachings as regards to meditation, but know basic yoga, breathing, vocalisation, read a couple of Buddhism philosophy books. I also train at a gym to be in good shape. Some exercises allow to develop a strongest pulmonary capacity. Being in shape is a good way to maximise a psychedelic experience, it goes without explication. My teacher is spontaneousness, I do what I feel is good for me.
I developed the majority of my practices during the first of my 2C-E experiences. It was during the summer, I would go meditate in the forest, on a big rock in the middle of a brook. I even went there two times in the middle of the night, to contemplate obscurity, to get rid of my fear of the darkness. It has to be know that last winter, I abused of different drugs and many times did I found myself paranoiac, to a point I would see the Shadow creatures mocking me behind my house, without mentioning the aliens and theirs flying saucers. Even before doing drugs, I was always scared of being alone in the woods. When I took 2C-E, I felt the pressing necessity to go beyond my fears. I had the jitter, but needed to do it or I would have been ashamed. I wonít enter into the details of my previous experiences, but would like to recommend meditation to any psychonaute who doesnít already practice it. Itís a simple and accessible way to maximise a psychedelic experience or even to put an end to a bad trip.
I remain in meditation for a good hour. I never open my eyes. In the beginning, I feel agitated, time pass and calm establishes in my mind, my face and my muscles slacken, my thoughts become clearer. It isnít an ordinary meditation since I took 2C-E. Ventral breathings partly withdraw me from nausea and anxiety and a pleasant excitability keeps growing. Apart from the excitation, I feel a sensation, particular to 2C-E, in the jaws and around the head. In comparison, a similar feeling from his cousin 2C-T-2 is felt more in the area of the stomach and in a euphoric way. On 2C-E, it is either enjoyable in itís own way, neutral and sometimes annoying. It is very similar to the pleasant euphoria, but hard to maintain, that some people can bring in parts of their body by concentration. I prefer the complete euphoria 2C-T-2 gives me to this feverish pleasure. In previous experiments, I could feel it in my phallus, in a sex-ual way. It was after training hard at the gym, I suppose it was the synergy with my brain natural opiates. This feeling is one of the most divine I know. It has nothing to do with 2C-I or 2C-T-2 which are euphoriant rather than transcendent.
I slowly expire my last puff of air while simultaneously opening my eyelids, which take about ten seconds. Itís a good way to verify how much the meeting was profitable. If I only meditate for a short time, my eyelids open faster because am not calmed enough. Before leaving for my walk, I go to the toilet. If one ate quite a bit lately, chances are he will feel like purging himself. I never vomited from 2C-E, never felt much of a body load, but I sometimes have to defecate.
I finally go outside, bringing along a collation and a bottle of water. I pass by a small path which is just behind my house. The path follows a brook that I hear in a more sound way. I realise my walk wonít be like the ones from this summer. Back then, the first time, I wouldnít only be hearing the sound of the water running into my ears, I could hear the brook singing. It was like an animal or more like a siren, it was a very crystalline sound. At the time of my first nocturne meditation, it scared me, I was convinced it was a wild animal. At dawm, I went back in the woods to find out that what I had heard was in fact a brook singing. I donít know if the water and the earth have any conscious will, but being a pantheist, I like to think so. Today, I am only hearing the sounds of the water. I consumed quite a bit of 2C-E in the last months and the magic is less, itís not like before. I am still going to put my walk on paper because I lost the habit to write my experiments down. I only want to mention that this walk doesnít compare with some I had which are unfortunately only memories now.
It is no longer the autumn with its multicoloured leafs, itís cold and the sun is hiding behind thick grey clouds. Well, itís probably not that cold but 2C-E lowers the temperature of my body. Even during this summer, when it was hot and sunny, my hands would become numb. I just dress accordingly. It is the dull and winter part of the autumn. The light isnít at the rendezvous and this is making a big difference. When nature is shining of sun, my glance ignites and I stare at every flower, river, tree, everything becomes irresistibly beautiful. 2C-E is a drug of contemplation. It doesnít really make hallucinate, in the sense one sees things that arenít there. The eyes become more sensitive: colors are more luminous, the various elements of the landscape form sharper contrasts, it increase awareness of the unit and the details. You donít look, you contemplate. The sense of smelling is also especially enhanced, it feels great to breathe the odours of the ground and of the forest. I am pursued the forest air have some kind of effect on people. It could be placebo, but it makes me feel refresh and connected to Nature. My glance ends up falling on some rare dead leafs of a fantastic blazing orange. I stare at these for a moment, filled with wonder per such beauty. The landscape is dull, the wood and the ground wet, death is reigning over the forest. Farther, as I enter a larger path that follows the littoral of a river, I look up at birches with stripped branches. They appear to me as skeletons and their branches superposed are forming spider webs. These associations come spontaneously in my mind, in agreement with the impression nature is making to me during this time of the season.
I advance with fast steps because I feel in a hurry. My heart is beating strongly. I must sometimes stop to take back my breathe and to calm a bad feeling. I have the unpleasant impression of running from reality. The cry of a bird startles me. I think about my problems, of which the one of my abusive drugs consummation. And 2C-E tells me: ę You shouldnít have Ľ. Itís one of the characteristic of that psychedelic, if I donít resist my desire to take it, in many occasions, I feel bad and I think: ę I should have silenced my desire! This trip is an error Ľ. I have sometimes abused 2C-E, but thanks to those less interesting experiments, I learned to choose the moment when I take it. 2C-E gives me a certain retreat, allowing me to judge more objectively of my behaviour. It is in my opinion a great quality for a psychedelic. To compare, 2C-T-2 has never made me feel a state of this kind, it is always amusing and euphoric. Shulgin qualified 2C-E of obscure and I think what I felt illus-trates it well.
I canít go back anymore: I accept the experience and the bad impressions. Several view-points mark out my route and I stop there to admire the river, the clouds and the opposite bank. Rather than seeing the water as a falling weight, attached to the ground, I see this phenomenon in an opposite point of view. The movements on the surface are suggesting that the water is trying to rise, to free itself from a force keeping it prisoner. But is the water falling or trying to rise to the sky? Everything is relative: she is falling in both sides. This is rather complex, I donít know if I am right on that one, but that is how I see this phenomenon. I scan the vacuum between the clouds and the earth, unprofitably trying to see the invisible. Seventy percents of the universe is made of a matter said dark because it canít be seen and escape to scientific observation. It is to this day one of the greatest mysteries. I wonder if the key isnít partly hiding into psychedelics. I donít think it is eccentric to consider that this matter could be observable under the influence of an unspecified substance. If there isnít one that allows it, maybe there will be someday.
The darkness starts to come up more and more. I want to make it to the end of the path, I raise the step, even run. Blown, I stop and decide to turn back to be able to calmly benefit from the last minutes of the day. A bad feeling comes again for a moment and my heart starts beating up to my head. I stop, firm the eyes and meditate upright one or two minutes. When I open them, itís like going out of profound meditation, but itís not exactly the same thing.
The darkness has practically covered the sky and the surroundings in its veil when I arrive at the first view-point. I decide to stop there before going back home. Far far in the sky, among the clouds, I see sharp pink gleams. I wonder why those gleams are pink and which mechanisms are hiding behind this phenomenon. I am not only admiring, I try to understand the wonders of Nature. I quickly conclude that it is the reddish rays of the setting sun mixed with the grey and the white of the clouds that generate the gleams. Thereís probably more to it though, something in the atmosphere. I know it is nothing especially hard to seize, but when I am thrown in the contemplative state of 2C-E, I cannot prevent myself from analysing. This is how I understood (or think I did) a crowd of phenomenon during my summer walks, while seeing them in action. I understood how to find the hour using the most primitive clock, the sun. That lead me to the idea that time doesnít exist, that all time really is about is movement. After a month of sobriety, I thought about the non-existence of time on another 2C-E experience. The past, present and futureÖ they are all the single and same moment, they are Eternity. I subjectively became aware of this. I could perceive Eternity and the feeling, oh! this feeling of revelation! It was something very profound. All in all, 2C-E is a fantastic tool of analysis.
On the other bank of the river and beyond, I see the spectacle of the lights of the city, shining like a constellation of infinite stars. I admire for a long moment while some ideas I thought about this last summer flow their way in my mind. I was in that time frustrated by the society of man. I would oppose it to nature in my reflexions. I found many ways to denounce culture and its forests of buildings, defending the idea of the primitive man. And so nature became my refuge. I throw my eyes behind me, towards the worrying darkness and then return to the lights of the city. Nature is appearing so inhospitable right now and the city much more reassuring. I have to admit to myself that none is better and that in the end cities are a part of nature.
I descend my glance towards the river and attentively listen to the murmur of the water. It is said that water talks to the one who knows how to perceive its vibrations. One time, I was smoking marijuana near the brook behind my house and tried to hear the spirits of water. Approaching my ear as close as possible to the surface, frightened, I left the place quickly after I started hearing a voice for real. This time, I am only hearing its alleviating murmur. Marijuana has a tendency to make me paranoiac and anxious, I donít know if the water really talked to me, but I find the anecdote quite pleasant. An agglomeration of scum is dancing before my eyes, it follows the current, is stretched until a point where it detaches to form two distinct masses. The first follows the current while the second return to its starting point. I see in this movement a lot of grace and life.
After ten minutes, feeling weary, I leave and return by the street. I am back towards 5:15 PM. I write a bit. Writing under the effect of 2C-E gives interesting results, but I personally has trouble to achieve it. I unceasingly forget what I want to write, ends up remembering, reformulate ten times my sentences, so that I only write one in ten minutes. The result is excellent, but it is too exhausting for my mind, I canít hold myself in place. I once again feel disphoric and regret to have consumed. I had made a promise to myself to take nothing because I was going out with friends later. 2C-E is all except a party drug. I tried it a few times in that context, it makes conversation difficult because it creates amnesia, makes me silent, too much analytical and gives me in addition a sad air. I especially hate to recall to my interlocutor the subject of our discussion. It gives me the impression of being completely stupid.
I decide to lay down on my bed to relax. I put music, .hack//Liminality by Yuki Kajiura. It has been a while since I last heard it and under the influence of 2C-E, it gives me per moment sudden and impetuous movements of entrails. The thought of a girl I am deeply in love with remakes surface. I prepared a love letter for her but havenít finished it because I want it to be a monument. I feel bad inside at this thought that has been haunting me during many of my voyages on 2C-E. I refuse to abandon, she is the love of my life. If I canít be her, may I at least offer her a gift that comes from the bottom of my heart. What remains of her? I havenít seen her in the last months and rarely in this year. Arenít I in fact in love with a imaginary being, a dream?... I close my eyes.
Between twirls and glares of colors without much interest, I successively see two girls, pretty ones, very real and made of sharp colors. They look at me for a few seconds. I do not know these girls, but I could have seen them in a crowd or on television. I am always dreaming of romantic dreams, exchanges of profound glances for example. Half the time no sex intervenes, itís like a love ideal. When I have such dreams, I am happy for the day! I am twenty years old and I havenít had a girlfriend yet. I miss that atrociously. Those dreams and images of girls have an obvious interpretation: I need someone. I have to act before I become completely nutcase. Girls are so irresistible, so beautiful, they are already making me crazy.
I soup a little later. I turn in circles and hesitate to go join my friends for the night. I want to smoke some marijuana. An hour of unbearable dilemma follows until a point where I feel a tiny desire to go see my friends. I leave at once before itís gone. I didnít regret my choice. I drunk two beers, didnít really felt the 2C-E anymore, except for a positive residual effect. I had very interesting conversations with my friends. At about 4:00 AM I went to bed but couldnít find sleep for an hour or so, because of the 2C-E. The residuals effects prevent me from reaching the deepest layers of sleep. Consequently, I donít dream. On the other hand, I have very sharp and colored dreams the next nights. One of them is a lucid dream that is so real that I do not distinguish illusion from reality. Those oneiric experiments are for me quite as fantastic as my psychedelics experiments.
The next three nights, I canít seem to fall asleep for about two hours. Often thought, my consciousness goes off for a short but very pleasurable moment. I hear a voice that says things that give me the intuition of already-heard. Those voices are often familiar, I heard my mother once. I also begin to see dreams scenes. I remember seeing the basin of a white toilet filled with a dark liquid. I am sure I am actually falling asleep and staying conscious when I start dreaming. That does not stop occurring, I loose patience because each time the hope to deaden is deceived.
I did not go to more than a ++ on the scale of intensity of a psychedelic trip. It was still interesting, coloured and revealing, I decided to take a break time of a minimum of two weeks to readjust my life. I have problems within myself and 2C-E makes me aware of it. It is easy to abuse psychedelics. Under the influence of this drug, I already passed two or three hours during which my thoughts were just anger, but 2C-E made me enjoys it. It is something rather pleasant and thus susceptible to generate an addiction to such a substance. In end line however, reality catch up to a point where it is no longer possible to ignore it. Psychedelics reveal reality in all its truth, even what one does not want to hear. I am to this point. 2C-E putted me in touch with back material, of which this bad feeling that I mentioned is a manifestation. I felt normal even if I was altered, I experienced this disphoria because of all the truths to which I was being confronted. After a good period of sobriety, I will be able to continue my experiments, in a more ritual way, not just for a cheap trip.
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