Citation: Supplanter Newcomer. "What Made Me Quit: An Experience with Cannabis (exp55020)". Erowid.org. Dec 26, 2009. erowid.org/exp/55020
I have been smoking pot for 3 or 4 years, very heavily. 5-10 times a day. At one point, I gained access to my 'Savings' bank account and withdrew it all within a week to spend on pot. This was about 150 dollars. My mom has never approved, she has constantly asked me (or begged me) to quit, and I have constantly said 'Ok'. But of course, I was lying. I have on occasion stolen from her. I also have a history of mental health problems, social anxiety, depression, minor psychosis. The reason I had never quit pot before was because I simply didn't want to. I enjoyed it, I had no plans on quitting, ever. This all changed one night not too long ago, maybe a month ago.
I had gotten maybe 3 grams from some friends of mine, and I had waited until night to smoke, like usual. This was the beginning of summer holidays. As is my usual routine, I packed small amounts into the bowl and smoked it all in one hit, I very rarely (when I'm by myself) pack big bowls and smoke it all, mainly to hide the smell when I'm smoking inside. I took maybe 4 or 5 hits, and continued to play my video game (I was looking forward to tripping out on it). I was very uncomfortable, couldn't get into a comfy position on the bean bag chair, felt my vision 'slipping' and getting blurry, and my heart was beating fast. I have had experiences such as this in the past, where I felt 'too high'. I thought nothing of it and decided to turn off the game and move to the couch so I could lay down.
I felt very strange, I couldn't concentrate on the TV, I had strange thoughts (stranger than usual), and my vision and heart were doing strange things. All of a sudden, it happened. I felt a 'rush', and an immediate sensation of great heat to my head, and the back of my head (it felt more like my brain). I thought to myself, 'This is it. I've gone crazy. This is what it feels like the be completely schizophrenic.' I felt the heat/pressure on my head, my heart was pounding, and I was having the most abstract, rapid, and confusing thoughts of my life. I closed my eyes and imagined myself standing above me, looking down at myself, and when I opened my eyes I could see from this perspective for a moment It got to the point that I had to wake up my mom.
I went into her room and woke her up. 'Mom, I don't feel good.' I asked if I could lay down beside her and she said alright. Of course, I hadn't told her that I felt completely insane. But I had to, I had to tell someone. 'I feel weird.' Weird how? 'I'm having really weird thoughts.' and I said some other things. I got up to go to the washroom, and I couldn't look in the mirror. I was confused as to who I was, myself, or the person in the mirror (two seperate people it seemed), and I couldn't tell which side of the mirror my thoughts were comming from. I had mild colorful visuals when my eyes were closed, and extremely racing, strange thoughts (one image I can remember was a computer screen loading a picture of a grey heart) and these would loosely connect to each other at the speed of light.
I woke up the next morning feeling very uneasy, light headed (light bodied more like) and scared. A few days later, I hesitantly tried smoking pot again, which lead to a full blown panic attack. Intensely fast beating heart (I'm guessing 110-125 bpm), dreamy states, 'shots of electricity' from my elbows to my fingers, numbness, nasuea, the whole deal. I have smoked since then, but only tiny hits without inhaling, to please my pothead friends. I no longer smoke pot and (it seems like I would never say this, especially so soon) my life is better for it. I have more energy, I no longer wake up thinking about pot, I no longer dream of it, I don't feind and make plans to get it anymore, I'm no longer depressed if I don't have any. But in no way am I anti pot. Its an effective medicine and countless people are persecuted for enjoying its awesome effects.
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