Citation: Azdran. "Speedsters Wife: An Experience with Amphetamines (Speed) (exp54609)". Erowid.org. Dec 10, 2008. erowid.org/exp/54609
I met my partner in 1980 at a party. He was high on speed at the time. Skinny ass, nervous and with really jerky body movements. He looked drained and washed out and kept licking his lips as though they were really dry.
We started a relationship and right from the beginning he was trying to kick the habit. Although I tried snorting speed twice I stopped after that and was not interested in drug taking. I think this really helped my partner to give up speed and marijuana although I did not put him under any pressure. Within two years he was off both and we had a baby.
Those two years while he was coming off the habit were horrible. He would wake up between 4 and 6 in the evening like a bear with a sore head and be bad tempered and reclusive for the rest of his waking time. He was extremely rude and unsupportive and neurotic. I realised he had a problem so I stuck it out, especially as when I suggested that it might be better if we broke up he would wrap his arms around my ankles and swear he could not cope without me. I was more like his nurse than his partner. He hated the whole world, suffered paranoid delusions, went from being fully unemployed to only partially employed, had very low standards in his personal hygeine and was a slob who never lifted a finger round the house and was terrified of the responsibility his children (we went on to have three) represented.
With time the jerkiness lessened, the constant drained pallour went away, he put a healthy amount of weight back on and emotionally settled somewhat. But he never got totally well. Never. If you saw him sitting next to his own father he looked older than him. He went prematurely grey and was so wrinkled even in his twenties. By the time the kids went to school everyone thought he was their grandfather. The neurotic behaviour, the inability to cope with responsibility and the constant bad mood never went away. Under stress he would crack up and hallucinate. He insisted I was possessed with evil spirits.
After ten years I just couldn't cope with him anymore and so I left but that wasn't the end of it as he became far worse including being extremely violent and abusive and both the kids and I still had to deal with him because of access. He went back to drugs but I can't say to what an extent. I just know he started growing marijuana and mixing with his old crowd of drug addicted friends and he would tell the children in front of me how good drugs were and that they should try them.
I don't blame him but he completely ruined my life and my children's childhood. I think he had a mental problem prior to getting on the drugs so can't separate how much was drugs and how much was mental illness that predated the drug abuse, but I have read that a long term addiction to speed can leave you with bipolar disorder. He certainly has all the symptoms of bipolar. If speed had anything to do with this then it is just a monstrous drug.
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