Citation: Skitzy TrIpPa GIRL. "You Don't Realize The Drug Grabbing Your Soul: An Experience with Amphetamines & Heroin (exp5442)". Erowid.org. Jan 15, 2002. erowid.org/exp/5442
I was a pot dealer running around delivering on foot. So of course as soon as I tried speed I loved it. Smoking pot all day always made me so tired so to be able to run around all day and all night bursting with energy was awesome. First I kept taking it cause I had to much money to waste and wanted to get more wasted than the last time.
Once a fortnight then once a week then on payday and Friday night, then all weekend and payday and the day after then EVERY FUCKING DAY.
I'd get the bag with the meth in it pour a bit of water in then drink and try not to gag. I didn't care how much I took, I just wanted to get wasted. My weight dropped from 55kg to 45kg in no time. Living in the north of australia it was fucking hot so I'd sweat my arse off coming down and had thousands of craters on my face, pizza hut could have named a new topping after me. Of course I loved my new skinny look and all my new friends I hung out with and the two older guys I scored off who were 'looking after me'.
I went to two different people and each would tick (credit) me up to $100 so I was always wasted. After a while i fucked my pot money up and had to start selling my stuff and rorting people. I'd go sell something and buy a point or two. The next day I'd be coming down like a dog. I'd go tick my dealer with no money coming to pay them back. Then I'd tick the other dealer so the next day I'd be back at the hock shop. Pretty sad for a 16 year old girl who should still be in school.
The speed made me go crazy I'd snap at anything, If you even got to close I'd go skitz. I hated coming down the worse my stomach would hurt and I'd feel like I had been dropped from the sky like a tonne of bricks. Thats why I would only come down every 5-6 days. When the ideas of what to hock next ran out I'd start drinking - then I'd start hallucinating - BAD.
One day I took 1/2 gram and ended up having to sit in a room on my own because I could hear my friends talking about me (crazy hey?) I tried to get up but had to grab the walls - I think I went so fast that I slowed right down. I ended up passing out 2 hours later. About 30 seconds later I had to run my fucking skinny ass off to the toilet to spew this fluro yellow shit. I had a shower and ended up collapsed on the floor spewing everywhere crying and moaning in pain. It was fucked.
A couple of days later we all went camping. Me and all my friends were psycho. We had been on speed for so long the most outrageous and scariest thoughts seemed like perfectly Logical ideas. In one day I : 1. started coming down after about 5 days 2:wrecked my new nike sneakers in a creek 3: had to walk 45mins back to my house 4:slipped on a fence smashing my knee cause of my wet sneakers 5: Dropped the carton of beer 6:My dealer found me back at the campsite and drove me home to get the money owed back of my parents 7: My dad punches me in the face while I stand in the doorway hallucinating/drunk 8: I ride back to the campsite in pissing down rain, riding through red lights not giving a fuck. 8:A friend tries to stab my boyfriend and me so I ran 2kms to the main road screaming and crying to hail down a car. 9: I rode home seeing whole buildings in empty street.
That day was enough to wake up to my drug habbit and move 16ookms away.
It took 3 months to destroy my life and 6 months to put it back together again. Until I met new people in this new city and new drugs as well. Like heroin. Smoking it felt mad. I did it for 2 weeks then stopped. I didn't hang out so I wasn't going to find out how long it took to get addicted. I started drinking speed again. I'd stay on speed for a couple of days then smoke heroine for a week then go back to speed. I always had one or the other but supprisingly was addicted to neither. SPEED + HEROIN = MAD! I love taking both. An older guy got me using needles. I don't know what I love now - the needle, the rush, or the feeling...I still love speed. I wish I never tried it cause it WILL BE IN MY MIND HAUNTING AND TAUNTING ME TO TAKE IT till the day I die.
Thank god I can go weeks with only smoking bongs now. And I don't get so wasted that I can't wear a bra anymore cause it's to tight round my chest making my heart hurt more. Also I don't even come down now I inject it must have something to do with ingesting it. Only sometimes the shots have an after burning sensation.
I love how speed makes me feel so confident and attractive also it makes me aggresive so I can look after myself. But these are no bonuses for taking this awful drug. I should have a car and go to the mall with friends , not scab up enough money so I can have a shot and go do something devious.
Its fun to do occationaly just you dont realise the drug grabbing your soul until your too addicted
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