Citation: Tryptonaut. "My Sad and Lonely Place: An Experience with 5-MeO-AMT (exp54373)". Erowid.org. Aug 1, 2006. erowid.org/exp/54373
||(powder / crystals)
I ran out of new drugs to try and needed something new. Seeing as how Iíve done everything to the furthest extreme and was somehow immune from most drugĎs initial effects, I needed a new experience. I would find a good drug and do it and do it and keep upping the dose, until my tolerance was so high, that they would no longer effect me in the way that I wanted. I found out about Alpha on the internet.
I got the yellowish powder in the mail, luckily on a day that I didnít have to work. I came home from school and there she was. I opened her up and looked at it in awe, and curiosity of what was about to happen to me. I knew that I didnít have to take much, but had no way in knowing how much I actually took. I poured out two small bumps and decided to snort it, cause I love snorting coke, and this reminded me of it, how it looked.
I was in my room and everything was quiet. I had the house to myself and was prepared to start a crazy trip. I didnít think that I was taking much, I just wanted to try a little, to see what it did, cause I had to wake up at eight the next morning. I had my favorite cdís laid out. Oneís that I made especially for going to another world. The trip cdís as I call them. So, I snorted what I thought wasnít enough to make me actually trip, just buzz a little. I was wrong.
First, the burning took my over body and mind. Nothing burnt like this. It burnt so bad that my teeth hurt. My face was red and eyes were wide open. I tried to get passed it and think about other things. Soon, it went away, and I felt the need to interact with someone. I went upstairs and started watching a movie with my roommate. About twenty minutes after, I felt really sick and like I was about to trip my brains out. I felt that I needed to urinate, but when I went to the bathroom, I couldnít. This need to pee sensation occurred several times during my experience. So then I went downstairs to get away from my roommate, cause he doesnít know Iím a drug user, I started feeling really euphoric, but at the same time scared for what was about to come.
I knew that I took way too much, and since it was an unfamiliar drug, really scared and alone. Then the stomach pains took over. My stomach was cramping up real badly and my mouth was watering and I was swallowing it every second, trying not to vomit. But out of no where, I puked the one thing that I ate that morning. Iíll never eat cucumbers again.
I continued sweating, going in and out of cold sweats and hot flashes, for while, alone with the vomiting over and over again. It felt like an hour or two, but I donít really know. Looking at the clock was the last thing on my mind. The only thing that I could think about was, why did I do this? Help me God. I want it to stop.
Then came the hallucinations. They were a lot like an LSD experience, but not good at all. LSD was beautiful and amazing. This was scary and lonely. I saw dozens of demon like heads coming towards me, screaming and looking like they wanted to harm me, or eat me maybe. And they didnít go away when I closed my eyes. They just got worse. Images of babies turning into demons and heads ripping apart and many other horrifying things that I shouldnít mention. Just a bloody green colored Hell inside my head, that I couldnít stop. This continued for a while, the cold sweats, and scary unwanted images moving toward me, that I wanted to see, to get the full experience, but wanted to leave me alone at the same time. I tried to write some things down but only came up with nonsense. One that was memorable was, ďDo this with a girl and you will fall in love.Ē I know I felt that this was true, but I was alone and scared. Then I got bored, feeling that movies, music, and myself just wasnít enough. So I opened up my vast folder of porn and decided to masturbate.
Sad, I know. I found myself extremely sensitive and loving every moment of it. Iíd watch just one over and over again. Not in a row, but throughout the day. I felt an extreme connection between me and the girl. I felt that me and her were truly in love. I wanted to be with her and make love forever. It was as if I was truly making love with an image on my computer screen.
Later things got better, but I was still hot and cold. Everything was loud. My stereo was turned down to a level that I couldnít even hear before. I could hear keys jingle upstairs, doors shutting, and whispers between my roommates, from the other side of the house and upstairs. I feared going upstairs, but had to, so I could pee and get a glass of water.
Later that night, I went upstairs, into the real world and watched TV. My fear was over and things were really funny. I enjoyed myself. I understood everything. Peopleís choices, the world around me. It all made sense. But I couldnít sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, Iíd see horrible images and heard one part of a song, that just kept repeating itself. I got to sleep and slept for about an hour or two. Woke up in time for school and felt as if I were a different person. I felt like I was better than everyone else, and I had all the answers.
As I said before, I wished the whole time that it would stop, and why did I do this to myself? The pain wasnít worth the trip. I did however take some more weeks later. Just a tiny bit, and I drank it in some water. It was nice, but the fear of what happened before, was still with me. And it hurts my teeth and gums, and Iíll always feel like I am gonna puke. Just looking at it makes me feel sick. I donít wish the world that I went to, onto anyone.
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