Citation: Jarec. "Alien Contact, Schizophrenia...Just Drugs?: An Experience with Salvia divinorum, DMT, MDMA/MDA & Cannabis (exp54071)". Erowid.org. Sep 11, 2006. erowid.org/exp/54071
I am basically completely dumbfounded right now. I am completely blown away by what just happened to me.
I happened to be spending tonight alone after several all nighters with friends that were fun but exhausting.
I recently returned home from a four-day music and camping festival and have been experimenting with my leftover drugs for the last few days since I have been home. Among the chemicals I've been ingesting, exploring, and enjoying are lsd, ketamine, mdma (both pure powder and pressed 'E' pills), salvia, highly potent golden hash oil, and of course extremely heady herb. There are several stories I could tell about my experiences with different combinations of these chemicals both at the festival and since I have returned home, but for now I only want to talk about what just happened tonight. I have a sense of urgency right now, as if at any moment I could stop in the middle of a thought and suddenly have no recollection at all of what occured. So without further ado, here goes it:
I slept very little last night. 3 hours if that. I've been smoking heady cannabis and even headier hash pretty much all day with different combinations of my friends who've stopped by. I went to dinner and had a few beers. I came home and smoked some more with a few people. Everyone eventually left around 11:00 pm.
I take out one 'dopey roll' (a pressed mdma pill that supposedly contains some sort of opiate filler) and one 'speedy roll' (again a pressed mdma pill but this one supposedly is cut with an amphetamine of some sort, perhaps adderall, cocaine, or meth) [Erowid Note: See two Ask Erowid questions, here and here, related to persistent rumors about the contents of Ecstasy pills]
that a friend had given me while camping and I had not yet eaten. I cut both of them in half and put half of each away for safekeeping. I crush both pills, keeping the two colors separate. I begin listening to music (shuffling between good indie hip hop, jazz, jam, goa trance, prog rock, you name it...), sipping on a beer, smoking a bong, etc. I begin sniffing bumps of and taking finger dips of the two crushed rolls.
After doing all the ecstasy, finishing my beer, and smoking a few more bongloads, I get the itch to smoke a little of the DMT I've been saving in my stash for a while, with the expectation that the DMT experience will surely be potentiated by the ecstasy now pumping the seratonin in my brain. I sprinkle a fairly conservative little hit of the DeaMsTers onto a tiny bong hit of some headz. I toke. I hold it in. I hold it in some more. Just as my lungs feel like they're about to burst, an infinite-pointed star begins to grow behind my closed eyelids, and I exhale. Zoom. I'm catapulted through the star and into hyperspace. Into total and infinite reality, of which the 3 dimensions of physical reality and the dimension of time are but droplets in the endless ocean of energy that is the cosmos. Into everything in the entire universe at once and realizing once again that there is only one infinite conciousness and that yours and mine are but tiny holographic fractions of the Whole, but that all boundaries can be dissolved fairly easily by suppressing the ego with a spiritual practice, be it prayer, meditation, plant or chemical entheogens, tantric sex, fasting, sensory deprivation, etc, etc. I change the music. No more shuffling, I need Shpongle.
Then things really begin to get weird. While still reeling from the DMT mind opening, and still seeing beautiful crystalline geometry everywhere, I get a strange idea. Why not smoke some salvia? Why not see how far out I can get? I could write volumes about my experiences with salvia alone, but it seems that things only get weirder and more profound and more mind blowing with each time that I smoke the Diviner's Sage, so I feel this account should be sufficient as it attempts to explain the most far out I've gotten on Sally to date:
I grab a huge pinch of 6x Salvia in the dark, not sure of exact weight, maybe a half gram. Load it into the Bong, Huge rip. Inhale. Hold. Hold. Hold. Hooolllllddd. Exhale. Ah yes, I remember. No not remember, deja vu. No not deja vu, its actually happening. I'm not only just aware of the Now, I'm aware of every point in my past (most specifically every other time smoking Salvia) simultaneously. I'm not just aware that I HAD these experiences, I'm HAVING them in the present. There is only the absolute present. Time is gone. There is no past, no future, no history. Everything is occuring in one infinite moment. I take another hit, burning the remaining Salvia and clearing the bong. Again holding. And holding. And holding forever because I have no recollection of exhaling. I find myself inside a boundless sphere, an infinite space that feels like being INSIDE a vast bubble despite the fact that there is absolutely NO OUTSIDE of the bubble. I find myself in an endless spherical ocean of thought and energy. In all directions space itself is somehow visibly fractioned into ever tinier and tinier holographic copies of the whole. I almost feel stupid.
It seems so obvious. Each and every particle of energy in the universe is a universe in itself. The same universe. A copy. A fractal. A hologram. Reality is boundless. I exist within a universe of space that only exists as a holographic representation built by my brain using my senses, the interpretors of the endless energy flow of the universe, Wow. What a mindf_ck. One more little hit...
Now I can 'hear' the internal voice of not only myself, but every other conciousness in the cosmos. Infinite overlapping thoughts in english and every other human language. Thoughts that aren't even made of language. Plant thoughts. Animal thoughts. Star thoughts. Alien thoughts. Alien thoughts!?
'BANG! LISTEN UP! I'M TALKING TO YOU!'
Holy shnikes, it's happening again. The alien. The entity of the Salvia.
'I'M COMMUNICATING TO YOU THROUGH THIS PLANT. THIS PLANT EXISTS SO THAT WE MAY EXCHANGE INFORMATION, HAVE A SHARED EXPERIENCE.'
Wow. This had happened the last several times I'd smoked Salvia, but before the words had been more of an intense feeling. This time the words are audible, a voice imside my head. The voice is the same familiar 'inner thought' voice that I have always had as long as I have known the English language, but right now it is not under my control. Someone else is speaking to me using MY inner voice? How? Why? In fact I find my normal control over my inner thought voice to be completely blocked or scrambled somehow. If I try to have a personal thought to myself about what is happening, I get nothing but a mass jumble of random english words piled on top of each other. Hundreds of sentences, but with all the words occuring at once and therefore ending up as complete jibberish. No, my inner voice is already in use.
'THIS MAY SEEM IMPOSSIBLE. YOU MIGHT FEEL EMBARASSED FOR EVEN HAVING THIS THOUGHT, BUT YOU ARE NOT THINKING IT, IM TELLING YOU! I AM A CONSCIOUS BEING JUST AS YOU ARE. I EXIST IN SPIRIT INSIDE THIS HOLY PLANT, BUT I ALSO EXIST FAR, FAR AWAY IN THE COSMOS. WE CAN SHARE INFORMATION. I WANT TO KNOW YOU AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH HELP I CAN GIVE YOU. YOU SHOULD START TAPING YOUR EXPERIENCES ON SALVIA. I WILL SPEAK THROUGH YOU AND YOU CAN LISTEN AND TRY TO COMPREHEND LATER. I CAN TELL THAT YOU DOUBT THAT THIS IS HAPPENING. I CAN PROVE THAT I AM REAL AND THAT I AM IN CONTROL RIGHT NOW. TRY TO OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU CANNOT. TRY TO STAND UP, YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU CANNOT. TRY EVEN TO HAVE A THOUGHT.'
I can't. I'm dumbfounded. I'm terrified but in utter awe. Gone is all the fear from previous Salvia experiences that I somehow broke reality or broke my mind. I'm not frightened that the experience will never end. I'm thunderstruck, but totally calm because I'm being constantly reassured by some warm entity that this experience will end and I will regain control of my mind and body as soon as I recieve a clear message. I'm all ears.
'FOR NOW YOU ONLY NEED TO KNOW AND BELIEVE THAT I AM NOT A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION. I AM REAL AND WE CAN COMMUNICATE. YOU MUST NOT TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS EXPERIENCE AWAY WITH YOUR LIMITED AND FLAWED HUMAN KNOWLEDGE. WHEN YOUR EGO RETURNS YOU MUST NOT ALLOW IT TO SHED DOUBT ON WHAT I AM SHOWING YOU NOW. YOU CAN FEEL NOW THAT WHAT I SAY IS ABSOLUTE TRUTH.'
'YOU MUST HAVE FAITH. HAVING FAITH IS THE ONLY WAY FOR A BEING TO GROW SPIRITUALLY.'
And then I feel the release. I pause for a second and enjoy a free thought. I realize I can now once again control my inner voice. I tell myself to open my eyes. They open. Faint but brilliantly colored sparks dance in the darkness around me. I take a sigh of relief. I think about what just happened to me. Huge mistake.
With the return of my human ability to reason comes a flood of doubt and paranoia. Had I just had a psychotic break? Do not schizophrenics hear voices in their heads, and believe them to be real? Do they not hold mental conversations with imagined beings, spies, dead relatives, angels, demons, aliens...?
But I was told that my ego would bring back with it doubt. I was told to have faith. Faith. Why does this sound so familiar? Deja vu... I close my eyes and am confronted again by utter timelessness. I am myself at every age of my life, from birth to death, and every other form my energy body has ever taken and will ever take. Is this happening?
What? My whole childhood I was told by my mom to have faith. I was told in church to have faith. I thought this meant forcing yourself to believe that the Bible is the literal word of God. I thought this meant praying and wishing for things really hard and hoping they come true. No. All wrong. There are no books that contain the literal word of God. The Bible and all of the ancient sacred texts are the surving accounts of people who have had mystical and spiritually profound experiences just like the one I'm having as I write this. The words of these men have since been twisted, however. They have been interpreted and re-interpreted over and over again, many times by men who had never even had a mystical experience. Meanings have been bent to fit social and cultural trends and for political conquest. The value of these books is not the words they contain, but the common underlying principle behind all of them--the original and simplest of all principles that all of the writers of the holy books sought to convey--faith.
Faith means realizing that I exist in a world that exists within me. Faith means knowing that I am inside you and you are inside me and we are both inside a world that is inside each of us. Faith means knowing that we are all a part of the One. There's no other way it could be. How do so many brains on this planet--suspended in fluid, alone in silent darkness inside of a skull, never coming into physical contact with anything else, and incapable of experiencing anything directly--communicate and stay in constant awareness of one another? Because inside each brain is a holographic copy of the Whole created by the sense organs as they filter feed through the energetic ocean of Infinity. I am the fabricator of my own reality.
My everyday experience of the world is dictated by my brain recognizing and interpreting everything it's been conditioned to believe to be reality and throwing everything else out. This strategy is great for simple organic evolution, but obviously physical evolution can only go so far before the most highly evolved creatures on a planet become so evolutionarily successful that we begin to destroy ourselves and our planet. We foolishly over-reproduce and overpopulate the planet causing plagues and viruses to arise. We greedily deplete the planet's resources and make war on each other over the scraps. We carelessly burn fuel, drastically disrupting the climate of the planet, causing catastrophic weather. We sythesize and ingest unnatural and inorganic preservatives, hormones, dyes, and artificial flavorings that lead to cancers and birth defects and holes in the ozone layer that create even more climactic catastrophes...
So what is the solution? How can humans continue to survive now that we have reached the obvious end of physical evolution? The answer is Faith. Humans must have faith in the unlimited potentional of the One Mind, the Universal Conciousness. All things will come together for good for those who love the One and live in harmony. It is the human conciousness, therefore, that must evolve, or devolve in actuality, shedding the ego and the notion of separateness and reintegrating back into oneness with the Collective Mind of the universe, and most immediately oneness with our planet and our co-inhabitants--the earth's plants, animals, and chemicals.
This is where psychedelics come into play. For thousands and thousands of years tribes of humans lived in harmony with the rest of the planet. We accomplished this through a shamanic understanding of the conciousness of nature. Through shamanism, people gleaned ancient wisdom from certain plants, animals, and fungi. In the same way that there are chemicals inside the plants, animals, and fungi of this planet that can cure or treat any naturally occurring ailment, there are also chemicals here for the sole purpose of giving one access to the Collective Mind by dissolving the ego, the imaginary membrane around the self that tricks people into thinking that we are any different from the grass we are standing on, the water we are drinking, the air we're breathing, or the person passing us on the sidewalk.
There is only one reality. And the reality is that we are all one. An alien told me this.
And in case you haven't figured out who the alien is, the alien is the One. The alien is God. You see, God seems alien to me because I've never encountered him so directly before. Never before has he spoken to me as a being. He is also alien because he is the only thing in the universe that is not the same as everything else. God is not an identical holographic fraction of the Whole like you or me. God is the Whole. He is Infinity.
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