Citation: Drug_Fucked. "Chewed Me Up and Spat Me Out: An Experience with MDMA, Methamphetamine & Various (exp53569)". Erowid.org. Oct 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/53569
So here we are. What a ride it was. Sure it was fun at the start but it's not fun anymore and hasn't been fun for a long time. I've almost died 3 times from drug abuse. I was one of those guys who thought I could take pills and anything else and still be ok. I was so dead wrong, and almost killed myself 3 times. I wish I had never opened the floodgates to this shit because its like a pandora's box. It doesn't matter how many bad experiences I have, or overdoses, I always seem to go back to it. I wouldn't wish what happened to me onto anyone else because it really destroyed my life and hurt the loved ones around me.
When did it all start? When I was about 13-14 I used to engage in a lot of weekend binge drinking, smoking lots of cigarettes. At 15 I thought why drink when you can smoke dope? We bonged on a fair bit on the weekends, and by about 16 on the weekends and during the week, then before I knew it I'm smoking dope all week long. Then at 17 flipped a pill. Had a half and I got totally screwed, best night of my life. I had set a new benchmark for fun. I was no longer scared of all the stories I'd heard about ecstasy.
Soon enough we needed to double drop pills to get high, then we'd double drop and double drop again later, then triple dropping. We'd find the best pills we could get our hands on. The better that they were, the more reason to drop as many as we could, getting as high as possible was stupid, dangerous risk taking behaviour which landed me in the hospital for the first time at 18. At a club I had popped 5 pills in one go. I remember it kicking in like a fucking steam train running over me. Next thing I hit the floor like a sack of shit. I wake up in a hospital bed with my mates next to me. As soon as I open my eyes everything is a blur. I'm shocked, I don't know what has happened. After about 15 seconds I come to and I can see straight again. Tears start rolling down my cheeks. I thought I'm never going to do this again.
Next weekend what do I go out and do? More pills of course. Very stupid and I never forgave myself for that. I put it down to the fact that I had taken too much in one go, I'd be a bit more careful and I'd be ok. Didn't really last long. I kept taking pills even though the feeling wasn't even really happy or enjoyable. Then the extreme paranoia set in, along with the panic attacks. I'd keep getting panic attacks yet I'd still go back to clubs the next week to try again in hope that it wouldn't happen again. Wrong again. I would go into clubs, take pills and get all paranoid and shit, thinking that ppl are trying to roll me, bash me, kill me, stab me, anything. The thing about the hallucinations is that they appear and look so real, its so subtle. It's not like seeing funny colours and that shit.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I started taking pills at home or just hanging around mates houses or in my car as I'd drive around because I was too paranoid to take them in clubs/crowded areas. I stopped taking pills because I was literally going mental after a short time longer. I still had the paranoia for about 3-4 months after stopping taking pills. It was horrible, I even thought my own parents were trying to get me. Eventually I straightened up.
Seeing as I was ok again, I would again return to taking pills, speed and pretty much anything else I could get my hands on. I then started on the ice or crystal. This would land me in hospital again after taking meth for a week straight and I started getting really bad pains and twitches in my chest. I waited in bed gasping for breath hoping that the pain would go away. It didn't go away and it eventually got bad enough that I knew I had to get to a hospital ASAP. I jumped into the car trying to remain as calm as possible and drove to the hospital (not the smartest move but I didn't want a ambulance rocking up to my house and freaking my parents at 8am). I was experiencing really painful palpitations, arrythmia and twitches in my stomach.
I go to the hospital, and walked into the emergency. The nurse sees me staggering in, and comes over. She asks what's wrong, I say my heart is playing up, she says what have you taken to which I replied speed/ice. I was standing up when I just dropped. I wake up in a hospital bed with a drip in my arm and the heart palpitations still going. I have the ECG electrodes all over my chest. The machine is going spastic making all sorts of noises each time my heart palpitates. Next bed to me there is an old lady, I would estimate around 60 years old. She also has palpitations and I can hear her saying prayers. I thought how fucked is that. I'm 22 and I'm having heart problems that old people have, certainly not healthy. The palpitations are very scary and were quite painful. I was in the hospital for the whole day. I couldn't believe it had happened again. I was shit scared. I was praying. I said as soon as I get out I'll never touch this crap again its not worth my life. My heart copped a nice beating. I was on valium for a whole week after it and had to take time off work. For the next month, smoking a ciggie or having a coffee would make my heart pain.
Ok so I had 2 good scares. I stayed off the shit for a while, maybe 2-3 months. A bit of time seems to heal everything. Time to get back onto the drugs again. I thought I'd stay away from the speed as it mucks up my weakened heart so stuck with the MDMA pills. After a while I'm taking speed/ice again. Around about a year since my last OD, I'm taking speed for a few days. I notice the heart pain/palpitations coming on and I realised what it was straight away. I shit myself. I did not hesitate and went straight to the hospital where I spent the whole day there. I was experiencing palpitations again, although because I had got to the hospital early they gave me valium and oxygen which stopped it from getting any worse. They started feeding me valiums like they were panadols, I consumed about 7 10mg valiums.
I rememeber getting discharged and I could barely walk, I was so out of it and dizzy, speech all slurred. I went back to my mates place and I lied in the bed. I was again shit scared, I wasn't saying anything and tears were just rolling down my cheeks. I realised that sooner or later my luck was going to run out and I would top myself. 3 times was already pushing my luck far too much. It took me a good two weeks to recover, a lot longer than last time. Again my heart was very sore and had copped a tremendous beating and I was on the valiums to kill the pain. Again when I had caffeine or cigarettes my heart would burn.
The effects of the drugs were that they would make me aggressive, short tempered, paranoid. Not worth it. I wish I could turn back time and not take anything. It set a new standard for fun that I can't match being straight. Getting high is something that runs through my mind everyday. Its been 3 months since my last hospital visit. It was my birthday a few weeks ago and I went out and got really drunk and ended up taking a pill. Just one pill wasn't so bad I guess considering I need a good 4-5 to get properly high.
I'm scared at the moment. Not now because I really want to quit them and I've been going to the gym to get fit and trying to quit smoking but in say a year from now when I'm over the ordeal and I'm out and about and I get an offer for some pills or whatever in a club and I decide stuff it and take them and get hooked in again for another ride, another ride which could definately go straight into a pole. How many pills have I consumed you might ask? I would estimate no less than 500, and I could safely say 600.
Now I'm left with the depression. I'm left with the family problems. I'm lucky my family stayed with me the whole time and supported me. I used to hate myself and I didn't care. Drug taking is so selfish and the short lived high is outweighed by the long lasting negative effects. I hope that I never take anything else again, although I believe that I'll be an addict for the rest of my life fighting the urges to take drugs everyday. I remember people telling me to stop and didn't pay one bit of attention to it. I needed a few good scares to even make me contemplate quitting. I'm lucky I wasn't a statistic 6 foot under.
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