Citation: Astro-Shaman. "40 Hours in Hell and a Round to the Hospital: An Experience with Sold ss LSA (exp53563)". Erowid.org. Sep 11, 2006. erowid.org/exp/53563
A substance(s) in this report might be identified incorrectly. Erowid reviewers question the author's identification of the drug described. Although the report is included in the collection, the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]
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I can't even begin to convey the terror and pain of my experience on this substance. But I will try my best in order to inform anyone interested in taking this chemical. I spent 40 hours in an intense synthetic hell that ended with a trip to the emergency ward. As I write this it's soon 4 days since I took the drug and I am slowly regaining my normal sense perception.
I haven't encountered LSA in this synthetic form and I tried it once before at a low dose of 50mcg but felt nothing much. I am quite familiar with expanded states of consciousness, and though never having done LSD or any of its correlatives I have done mushrooms many times, I have done various tryptamines, I have tried LSA in the form of morning glory and I have even taken ayahuasca several times with shamans in south america. I am quite familiar with those hard to reach nooks and crannies of my psyche, but this experience pushed me to the very limit of sanity. And I thank god that I got to keep it.
What follows is a chronological report of the trip as I remember it.
I am home alone at the family summer place out in the country and don't have to meet anyone for a few days, believing myself to be an experienced tripper, I decide to explore this drug alone and see if it had something valuable to give in terms of exploration of consciousness. I have always been suspicious of using chemicals and have a certain relationship with the 'spirit' of the teacher plants I have used for psychic exploration. All my experiences on plants have been of a spiritual nature, my experiences on chemicals have not been profound in a spiritual sense.
8:00 AM I took 150 mics of LSA for breakfast. According to the information it could take 2 hours to kick in and 4 hours before peaking and that one should never redose before 4 hours have passed.
I felt good during the comeup, energetic, the build was very subtle and slow.
10:00 AM I am tripping lightly, no visuals no hightened awareness only strengthened vision and attention to details. Time spent listening to music, which sounded normal, and doing small chores arround the house.
12:00 PM four hours passed, extremely subtle trip no pattern movement, vision enhanced. Definately not mind blowing, very unimpressed.
13:00 PM This is definately not going to impress me, but maybe if I take a bigger dose... What I did next was one of the stupidest mistakes of my life, i took another 150 mics of LSA. I decide to go out for a walk, and see how it is to be out in nature and aimed to get back before the second dose starts to kick in.
14:PM During my walk I notice that my awarness is hightend, there is a greater sense of presence and my mind is quiet, almost meditative. I found the state pleasant. After a while I start noticing that objects are starting to look very different, they are much clearer and stick out in a way. I felt that there was a synthetic, manufactured quality to it, very different from what I experience on mushrooms and ayahuasca where I have a certain sense of communication with the organism(s), however I considered that it might just be my predjudice against chemicals and that I might be projecting the quality to some extent.
15 PM I have to hurry home from my walk as my eyes are beginning to hurt because of the light of sun (I was wearing sunglasses and it was a cloudy day.) It was very unpleasant.
16 PM Eyes dilating more, the world looks a bit like a cartoon, the effect in the film 'Waking Life' comes to mind somewhat. I have to draw all the curtains to stand the light.
17: PM The intensity is going up, I lie down in bed and decide to yogicly explore this awareness. As I allow my mind to relax and open, I start seeing geometric patterns and fractals that grow in intensity the deeper i go. The patterns are very intense and colorful, morphing and forming at great speeds and sort of going off in infinite cascades. This nature starts invading my mind, my thoughts start going off in logical loops ad infinitum. My mind goes into automatic loops and functions. I am terrified and can only look on as it goes deeper and deeper into my ego and sense of self, taking over and 'digitizing' me. Soon I can't recognize my mind anymore, but I manage to hold onto a sense of self.
I am in horror at this drug deconstructing my mind, heedlessly destroying my sense of self and taking over the circuitry of my brain. It was all cold nihilistic mathematics. I managed somehow to protect that part of me which the drug could not reach, the part of me that was human and witnessing the event. I got up and moved around - my movements were robotic, sounds were warped into 'cubes' everything in my world was now some absurd synthetic replication of ordinary reality. I truly felt like a robot, many times I screamed out aloud to whatever divine force could hear me to get me out of this nightmare, I tried everything I could think of to remind me about what it's like to be human.
This state was the peak and what followed was a kind of 24 hour plateau.
The details of what happend during the coming day evades my memory, basicaly it was spent waiting for the drug to wear off. It was going on intensely as ever for a good 18 hours more. I kept on drinking lots of water, I had no apetite but i forced myself to eat- food tasted horrendous, it was a challenge to even swallow it.
The worst part during the plateau was perhaps the intense pain of the inhuman pupil dilation the drug was causing. I had to sit for the better part of the experience in a darkened room as my eyes were so sensitive to the light, I would feel blinded by the dim light coming from my cellphone. The times I had to go out to go to the bathroom, I put on my sunglasses and wrapped something arround my head to keep out the light, my eyes had no ability to adjust to the light whatsoever.
The intensity seemed to come and go in waves, at times I could relax and let my body rest, at other times if I so much as stopped moving around my eyes would start dilating again and the pain would come. If I closed my eyes it was as if the drug wanted to see even more light and my pupils would dilate even more, I had to constantly keep sensory information coming in to avoid the pain, this was extremely exhausting and it meant that I couldn't do anything but stay put in one place and stare out into space. Reading was impossible, sleep was out of the question, music sounded terrible and warped, I just had to sit and wait for practicaly the whole day.
It was terribly lonely, I felt spaced out and disconnected from reality and I didn't know anyone out here in the country who was initiated in the psychedelic world (and word of such things spreads quickly in this small town) so I couldn't call anyone to ask to come and keep me company. I called some friends and that kept me grounded, but they couldn't do anything to ease the suffering.
THE EMERGENCY WARD
After 36 hours, arround 8PM, I felt near physical and emotional collapse and the intensity seemed to be as high as ever. I realized that this wasn't going to end soon and that if I went on like this I might have a psychotic breakdown. Also I didn't have any strong sedatives like valium at home to make me go to sleep. Feeling finally and utterly desperate I called a cab and went to the emergency ward.
I was treated with compassion, given some strong sedatives and a room to sleep in. I woke up the next day feeling much better, I was told that I was free to go if I wanted, so I put on my sunglasses and caught the bus. My eyes hurt but at least they could adjust to light and I could be outside enough to take the bus home. I felt shaken and extremely vulnerable the whole day.
Later that day someone came to visit me, at this point I was quite normal mentally and didn't let on at all about what had happened, I simply said I was feeling ill and had a very bad headache and couldn't do anything but rest.
Thank god for rest and sweet, sweet darkness. Thank god also that no one is going to find out about this unless I tell them.
4 days later I'm still not completely restored, I have to wear sunglasses outside sunny or not. Mentally I am stable, sounds are more normal but there are certain sound ranges like deep drones that I can't hear. I don't know what after effects will continue to show up and if anything in my brain has been permanently altered.
After this experience I will probably never do chemical drugs again. And I honestly don't believe that I am 'throwing the baby out with the bath water' and simply rejecting all chemicals because of one bad experience. I don't believe in any way that people can't have truly mystical and spiritual experiences on them, and I don't believe they permanently alter the brain. It's simply that I am humanly, spiritually and utterly uninterested in the quality of the experience that they offer. What I have tasted on organic 'teachers' is a sort of communion of oneness with nature and the cosmos, I have truely felt like I communicated with a living organism that has a whole realm of its own being.
In this experience I felt the nature of the chemical, it was manifactured, it was synthesized, it was soulless and it was utterly heedless and incapable of compassion. Extendedly this is the nature of technology as a whole, what I experienced was a technocratic nightmare. I Also realized here directly and profoundly that technology doesn't have its own agenda, it simply does what we make it do. I though of the Matrix and realized that this was exactly the nature of the machines that I was directly witnessing, infinitely self-replicating in an absurd nihilistic way acording to mathematical functions and simply incapable of concern or compassion.
But we have to keep in mind that technology can't come into existence by itself, it has to be devised by the organic human mind. I can now after this see from a spiritual perspective how even technology is an aspect of spirit or 'god', as it is created by humans and as I personaly believe that the human mind and heart at their deepest core are inseperable from spirit. Technology does have a subjective experience in the noosphere (the sphere of concept and mind for those unfamiliar with the term), but only through the human mind. As we carve and form and create in the world around us and form mental concepts about it we are in a way creating the world itself, and spirit which is the ultimate 'suchness' or 'emptiness' underlying all phenomenon manifests an aspect of its creative drive through us in a way. What I believe we have to do at this point in our evolution is to start to realize that we are not slaves of the machine a.k.a the system. Humankind is slaving its way through existence with an absurd victim mentality not realizing that the world we experience is of our own making, and that we have a choice to go on and transcend this state and that a new paradigm awaits us on the other side.
I hope my experience report will be of help to any curious soul wishing to explore the reaches of mind and opening the doors with such chemical lockpicks. I can only tell you where I went and what I found there, you have to take my words as they are and figure things out for yourself!
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