Citation: Tyutchev. "Early-Morning Dementia: An Experience with Nutmeg & Methamphetamine (exp53438)". Erowid.org. Apr 24, 2007. erowid.org/exp/53438
I’d eaten around six whole nuts at about 5pm on a lazy Sunday- popped them in my mouth, held my nose, chewed them up, washed them down. Realising that I’d most likely end up falling asleep and wake up with the famously uncomfortable nutmeg hangover/buzz the next day, I decided I’d stay up and ride out the whole experience to the end. To help me with this I had some speed I’d bought off a mate, a whole point all to myself. I didn’t snort all the powder at once, though- rather I had a bit at a time, every half hour or so, until I’d used half of it. Then I stopped, and got on with my usual business in the boarding house.
We’ll fast-forward to when I went to bed, at 1am. Before then I’d just been experiencing the usual nutmeg high- heightened colours, that heavy meg buzz, and totally blood-shot eyes. The speed didn’t appear to have done much other than make me more talkative and energetic, so I was a little disappointed when I hopped into bed. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, so I resolved to just sit down and write, read, whatever. While I was doing this I noticed that I was feeling quite paranoid, the sort of paranoia I usually only get when in an intense situation after having smoked a lot of strong hydros. I didn’t give much thought to it at first, and just chalked it down to the speed.
Soon, however, I realised something was up. Being in a boarding house, I slept in a ‘cubicle’ in a large dormitory- instead of a door, I had a curtain, and the ‘walls’ of my cubicle didn’t go all the way up to the roof (meaning you could jump into other people’s rooms, pretty much). I noticed that when I looked over at the curtain, there seemed to be some shadows outside of it that looked suspiciously like somebody’s feet. I began to make jokes to myself, you know- “Hmm, maybe it’s some creepy guy outside, or a vampire or something”.
A few moments later, however, I realised that my thinking was getting skewed. The paranoia was quite high, and I really did start thinking that there might be somebody outside my room. Instead of deciding it was time to maybe wake somebody up to calm me down, or try and get some sleep, I did something incredibly stupid (and incredibly like me, as my friends will testify)- I decided to snort the rest of the speed I had. At the time I thought, “Hey, this is pretty intense. Imagine how cool it would be if I made it MORE so!” So I got out my stash tin, pulled out the rest of the powder, and snorted it off a book, right there in my bed. I almost immediately felt a rush- in fact, I felt great, and I didn’t regret what I’d done at all.
A few minutes later, however, I started to think that maybe I hadn’t been too smart in my actions. The amphetamines seemed to increase my paranoia dramatically- I was hearing lots and lots of noises, footsteps and loud creakings, that I knew couldn’t possibly be happening. Looking at the wall across from me, I noticed the fabric on my bulletin board swirling and morphing- faces and pictures appeared, all sorts of things. That usually happens on nutmeg (and cannabis) with me, though, so I didn’t put much down to it. It was then that I looked back over at my curtain- and my heart leapt a million feet, sending electric shocks through my spine. There WAS somebody outside my curtain, and he was putting his hand in, trying to get me!
I knew straight away it was a hallucination, and I’d like to point out it wasn’t a delusion like I get with dimenhydrinate- I didn’t think this was real, in fact I knew it wasn’t. That was something that permeated the rest of this trip (or freak-out, if you will)- the fact that even though I was seeing a whole lot of strange shit, and thinking a whole lot of strange shit, I knew it was all hallucinations and would be over at some point. Hopefully.
So, anyway, there was a creepy guy outside my room. I couldn’t see him exactly, but he had a pretty claw-like evil hand, and my thinking at this point was pretty skewed. I got it into my head that I was safe- that this guy couldn’t come into my cubicle without my permission, so all he could do was stick his hand through the curtain. Still, I was in shock, and I sat back trying to figure out what the hell was going on. After a bit of thinking I realised that obviously the speed had reacted with the chemicals in the nutmeg in some way, and it was producing my first real trip (I’ve never tried any hallucinogens before, unless you count cannabis and fucking Dramamine).
I also noticed at this point that I was seeing things out of the corner of my eye, things moving and stuff. The wall across from me was rippling somewhat, and whenever I glanced over at the curtain that guy was still there, still sticking his fucking hand in. So I did what any reasonable person would do in such a situation- put some Beethoven into my Discman and flicked off the lights.
This was probably a bad idea. As soon as I turned the lights off sparks and shining beams spun out all around me. The shadows in front of me seemed to swirl and turn, occasionally morphing into the form of some crazy, dancing gorilla man. The Beethoven music was totally freaking me out, my heart was pounding in my chest (from apprehension, mainly) and as my vision adjusted I noticed the posters on my bulletin board shift and spin and go berserk.
I turned my attention over to the desk, which is positioned so it sits in a little alcove between the wall and my cupboard. Standing there was the vague, dull form of some enormous goon with a club, although I couldn’t get the best look at him- he seemed vaguely transparent and the darkness shrouded his features. The Creepy Guy was still outside my curtain, but none of this was really bothering me too much. I was more excited than anything else- I was having my first trip, seeing my first proper hallucinations!
It was at this point that I discovered I had psychic powers, although as I said before I didn’t REALLY believe this- there was always a part of my mind that was assessing what was going on in an entirely rational manner. When I looked at the shadows on the roof I found I could ‘focus’ in a strange way and change their form- they became brown, rotating oblong blocks, spinning about the ceiling. I was certainly liking this newly acquired ability, so I turned the lights back on to experiment a little.
My feelings at this point were very intense, very strange and bizarre. I have no way to describe them, because they were quite unlike nutmeg, or weed, or any drug I’ve tried before or since. My thinking became quite unclear at this point- I was slowly becoming convinced that the drugs themselves were out to get me, that they were manifesting all these hallucinations to try and scare me into sleep, so the creepy man could come into my room and get me. I’m guessing this was the peak of the experience- I also found that I could use my ‘focus’ ability to warp the shape of anything around me. By ‘focusing’ on cups, shelfs, anything, I could make it bigger, smaller, make it into any shape I wanted.
It was during this peak that I began a long, irrational and paranoid sequence of turning my light off for a while, then on again, in a desperate effort to keep away any intense hallucinations. When I had the lights off I began to think I was in a special universe, the Dark World, and that I could switch to alternate dimensions by using my ‘focus’. These alternate dimensions weren’t much different to our own- they all looked like my room, but there were differences. In one my posters were gone, in another shadows filled the room like gas… I can’t remember it all, but it was pretty flipped out. The Creepy Man outside my curtain was still trying to get in, but I wasn’t scared of him any more- actually, I found ways of teasing him. I discovered that if I ‘focused’ on my mirror it made the room shudder and the Creepy Man angry, so every now and again I’d do it just to piss him off. Serves him right, really.
When I had the lights on I found that I could use my ‘focus’ on some of my posters to make them 3D, or make them move, grow, warp and shrink. At one point in one of the Dark Worlds I saw an evil presence manifest itself as this transparent mist with eyes- it sunk into a box on the shelf across from me and came out again, looking like some giant misty insect. Other monsters followed, and energy started flying round my head- at one point a flying snake-thing made all out of glowing blue light flew right through my face, and I could hear it hum as it did so. Despite all this I wasn’t really scared- just a bit freaked out that this all was happening. As I said, I wasn’t totally irrational.
Eventually I began to feel less and less paranoid, and the hallucinations began to trail off in intensity. The Creepy Man was still there, moving around, although now he looked like an enormous punk- I could see his blonde spikes moving around above my curtain. I discovered that when I ‘focused’ on my towel it made me feel paranoid and totally flipped- consequently I thought it is possessed. I experimented a little more with my ‘focus’, seeing how strong I was with it- I managed to ‘focus’ not just one object at one point, but an entire wall, cupboard included. I remember feeling an immense pride at how well my skills were coming along.
As the sun rose and the birds began to chirp outside (it was now around 6am) the hallucinations died down a lot. I found to my distress that my ‘focus’ power was gone, although I could still make some posters 3D to a certain extent. I listened to a Pink Floyd song, Dogs, and it freaked me out a lot:
And when you lose control
You’ll reap the harvest you have sown
And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows
and turns to stone
And it’s too late to lose the weight you used to
Need to throw around
So have a good drown, as you go down, alone
Dragged down by the stone.
This seemed incredibly relevant to what had been happening to me- that I had lost control, and that what had happened was a consequence of dabbling with crazy-ass drugs. Soon enough, however, the Creepy Man was gone and I was feeling quite alright again, although I had got my final revenge on that hallucinatory fuck- just as he was really fading, as he was finally disappearing, I’d whispered, “You can come in now.” That’ll teach him a lesson.
It was incredible for me- my first ‘real’ trip. I’ve never tried acid, mushrooms, peyote or any other hallucinogens before (except dimenhydrinate, but I don’t want to go into that) so I have nothing to compare it to, but a friend told me it sounded a lot like what happens on acid- and he should know, as he’s tried LSD. I found out afterwards that mixing nutmeg with speed is not encouraged. I’m not too sure about this. I experienced no bad (noticeable) physical or mental effects from my nutmeg/speed combo, and I wouldn’t describe this as a bad trip at all- it was freaky, yeah, and I was quite paranoid, but I was never really scared or ready to just totally freak out. In fact, I would try this again, except for the fact that I don't take nutmeg anymore.
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