Citation: melter. "Alien Morphonogenic Babies in Prayer: An Experience with LSD (exp52018)". Erowid.org. Apr 5, 2006. erowid.org/exp/52018
dear psychonauts, those who would be such and simply curious ones, this is an email I wrote today to my very close friend describing my latest LSD trip that I would also like to share with all of u:
Thank again for your courageous input. I understand I must’ve spooked u out quite a bit with my previous email. I was at a low ebb, true. But things drastically changed soon after, I had what seemed like a short-term breakdown on the day of the equinox which was the 20th I believe and the next morning things just fell into place, I understood what the problem was and was able to resolve it. I understood the nature of human ‘games’, to use Tim Leary’s lingo, and remembered who I ‘really’ am and my relationship with these games, which until that morning was grossly misconceived. The advice in your emails was of tremendous help, concise and right to the point. I was able to use it as a sort of a guide. Thank u. As for psychedelic drugs, I’ve done none since leaving Vancouver (3 months ago) except for trying a few new things of semipsychedelic nature and smoking pot less then a dozen times. However my odyssey in the magickal and phantastik Montreal has generated a great psychic buildup revolving around many synchronicities, internal changes, great philosophical highs and new experiences and people.
I was waiting to release this psychic buildup in one culminating experience, which is what happened on the morning of march 30th in the form of an LSD trip with my friend (it was his 1st LSD trip) on Mount Royal, a mountain overlooking Montreal. As expected, I obtained the ‘sacrament’ through interesting means (many thanks to my cybermystic friends) and needless to say it was of very high quality, strong and clean. We started our gradual dosing at 2:30am. I am very cautious when it comes to dosing because I’m physically hypersensitive to this chemical and because it was my friend’s 1st time and thus his reaction to it was unknown; in the past I’ve made the mistake of not being ultradiligent about gradually dosing myself in small doses (1/4 hits in this case) in timed succession which resulted several times in adverse physical reactions such as ultrarapid heart rate and severe cramps as well as negative psychological reactions such as panic attacks. What follows is a brief account, omitting many important details and nuances, of the highlights that I was able to bring back to baseline memory from this trip. It is important to keep in mind that less then 1 percent of such experiences can be expressed through words.
We met in shivering mountaintop cold an ultrapsychedelic sunrise which began at about 5:20am with a view over the entire city laughing our heads off, having a sci-fi rock star trip, but it was when the final doses kicked in that things got weird (there was a total of 1 and ¾ hits consumed by each one of us over roughly 2 – 2 ½ hours). I went into a peak sitting on a bench all hunched and curled up in my red psychonaut suit. My heart pumping hard and all my muscles trembling, I plunged into a world of death and decay, every part of my body being violently ripped apart (mind u I was hoping and intending and ready for this), a sensation well captured by Alex Grey’s painting ‘journey of the wounded healer’.
It is difficult to recall an accurate chronology of these things now but eventually: I was a mythic character fighting a giant eagle; my body was exploding in razor sharp light; I experienced the ‘one mind’ as a golden conical pillar studded with faces, myself being just one such face, which would morph into this pillar as this pillar itself would morph into circular spiraling fractals only to reform itself again; I clearly heard as if it actually was consistently and unalterably outside of myself Tibetan monks chanting (I’m not Buddhist or of any religion for that matter); I found myself in a crib in a different higher frequency dimension being what I nicknamed an alien morphonogenic baby which was hooked up at its nerve centers (or chakra points if u prefer) and other nerve/energy points to high frequency energy wires/channels with zany alien entities hustling and bustling over and around me. They seemed to match the descriptions of what Terence McKenna called the self-transforming machine elves, entities often encountered during DMT trips (which I have yet to experience).
They seemed very preoccupied with my well-being, communicating with each other in an elfish language that was based on frequency modulation instead of syntactical blocks of sound; this language was rather well imitated at the beginning of a Shpongle song called ‘shiva space technology’. As I have said, these alien entities seemed very preoccupied with my well-being and I ‘realized’ that my ego and being in this physical world is a test for this alien morphonogenic baby to endure and complete. It is like a birthing process or strengthening and maturation process it must go through to be ready for life in this other dimension where these alien entities are waitingwaitingwaiting hopinghopinghoping that it can make it, monitoring its progress.
As the intensity of the peak decreased slightly, I was forced due to circumstances to leave the bench and the area it was in with my friend. Now about my friend. He is an incredibly intelligent and creative man close to twice my age (I’m 20 now) and has many therapeutic issues. He however has undergone several major ‘awakenings’ (for lack of a better word) in this past year thanks to the use of psilocybin mushrooms and nitrous oxide and the Burning Man experience as well as experiences of regional Burning Man events near Montreal, so I was hoping he would address these issues in this trip since I believed he was ready. As we roamed through the sunlit Mount Royal forest paths, my trip was making me increasingly more mellow and balanced and centered, while he was increasingly breaking down in the classical LSD therapy style. This included regression and surfacing of repressed material as well a spiritual urgency for transcendence. I knew however that I must stick with him through this and help him through it no matter what, this was my mission and purpose, the application of the psychedelic experience in this world instead of letting it be just another tv show.
As his breakdown was increasingly intensifying, communication between us was becoming more and more difficult and since I was just as loaded as he was, forming coherent sentences and soberly reacting to the situation and thinking in linear logic was a great challenge. We eventually ended up at his grandparents’ grave in a cemetery on Mount Royal. At this point he was becoming increasingly paranoid and suspicious of me. He later told me once we were back to baseline that at that point he was perceiving me as Satan who was trying to keep him in the human ‘game’ of mundanity and suffering and prevent him from mustering all the courage and bravery in him to use this very special opportunity to “climb to the top and leap into and take off with the solar wind”, as he was then incoherently and graspingly describing it. Kneeling on his grandparents’ grave, he then proceeded to murmur a prayer “Is there any remover of difficulties save God? Say praised be God. He is God. All are His servants and all abide by His bidding,” over and over and over again, him being a very open minded adherent of the Baha’i Faith.
I was lying beside him on the grass a few feet away with my eyes closed during this recitation when a face formed out of my closed-eyes fractals. I felt right away that it was a face of what some may call a spirit or angel and it was looking mostly at him, sometimes at me. When his prayer recitation stopped, we had another confrontation that finally pushed him to his edge that we both so desired. He stood up and began reiterating the prayer again. Only this time it was becoming louder and louder, until he was bellowing it at the top of his lungs, foaming at the mouth, eyes closed, head raised, arms extended, fists clenched, in deep deep trance, possessed, the prayer thundering rolling resounding across the mountain, a religious epiphany at its ultimate. This went on for a few minutes and when he was done, he marched off amidst the gravestones never looking back as I stood there with the most gleeful grin on my face, knowing that my purpose of being one of the links in someone’s life towards such an epiphany was complete.
I lay back down on the grass, watching what I see before me form out of fractals, still hearing the elves talk and particles shrilling by, every thought plunging me into its own well of infinity. And finally I understood that there is no need to break down such experiences with rational skepticism, that critical and rational and skeptical thinking must be applied to what u choose to do with such experiences when u come back down in order to avoid superstition and bigotry and cultish thinking and behavior. Yet it is equally important not to use the thinking of materialistic science, or what I call archaic or immature science, to declare such experiences ‘invalid’. I just take them for what they are, an experience in itself, a gift I can apply in the mundane physical reality. And so I did, lying there in the grass under a tree amidst the graves, floating off into an ocean of suns.
April 1, 2006
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