Evolution of Personality
Ecstasy
by Sincere
Citation:   Sincere. "Evolution of Personality: An Experience with Ecstasy (exp5149)". Erowid.org. Feb 14, 2001. erowid.org/exp/5149

 
DOSE:
2 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 165 lb


Prior to the night of June 30th, 2000; I was the common victim of midwest wigger lifestyle. Wearing baggy clothes, oversized basketball jerseys, with fake silver and gaudy jewelry, and was typicially living a lifestyle that was not supported by my inner-self, or the person who was inside of me, behind the mask that I tried to act like...

I was at my soon-to-be girlfriends house on this particular night, and her parents were out of town. I had friends back then, however nobody really trusted me enough, because they saw right past the wigger image that I portrayed. However I had one of my friends there, along with the resident of the house; and my sister. We all took our decided amount of pills; and just laid back and listened to trendy radio music, and then that's when it all started...

'HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS, I'VE NEVER FELT IT COME ON LIKE THIS BEFORE.' That was my response, and luckily someone took a picture of me saying this, and to this date is refered to as my 'rebirth picture.' These pills were starting to completely consume my whole body, I had cases of tingling going on; on every single inch of my body, and all I wanted to do was talk, talk, and make the wrong things right. I talked to my friend whom I brought to the house with me for a while; about deep and thought provoking conversation, such as the girl who lived at this house, I was falling in love with, and eventually I related with later. However then the real talking started when I talked to my sister. We talked for a good two hours, about the past, our childhood, and the horrid experience that we both experienced, but never spoke of since then (which happened when I was 7 and she was 5) The horrid experience is not what mattered, what mattered is that for the first time in my life, me and my sister felt like we were siblings, we felt the love, and though it was MDMA that was sparking this feeling, we knew it had to happen sometime, and why not have it happen while having this great emotion of love; strive over our bodies...

...Days pass and my sister reveals to my father that she rolled with me, and that I was a 'totally' different person. My father and I were not to close at the time, as I decided to move out at the tender age of 18; with my 'gangster' attitude, I thought I could survive on the streets alone, with my own place, which only lasted a couple months at the most. I eventually moved back to his house, and that's when it all started to fall into place...

...Rolling became a natural thing to do at my house on the weekends, the whole family, including my father, sister, and father's girlfriend all rolling, and catching up on old times (parents divorced, my Mother lives out of the city). Things were becoming more and more sensible then they ever have before.

...I began rolling by myself more, and with each time I did; I had more and more cases of self-discovery. I never really could dance, even on multiple pills, I just wasn't coordinated enough I guess, however I have this feeling that MDMA was made for me to have deep and meaningful conversations with someone. After a couple more self-rolling experiences, I began to refoundate my lifestyle as a whole. I rid of all my gangster type clothes (no offense to REAL gangsters), and started on a new wardrobe, which consisted of nicer type clothes, without any logo's or 'classification' stereo-type; type of clothes. My taste in music began to change, from the poorly sampled rap beats, to the almost immaculate sounds of electronic music....

...I began embedding music into my 'Econversations,' for example if I was conversating about love, I would put more trancey music on, and if I was talking about friends, a little more harder type techno, I have a whole system, it's to complex to explain. I have even picked up a hidden love for Orchestra, and I know appreciated the music of a Symphony, and would like nothing more than to attend one soon...

...MDMA, has also gotten me in contact with my thoughts more also, and since the day of Juen 30th, I carry around a little journal, so i can write down any thought that jumps into my head at any time, and I can log it, and later look back on it, and that within itself, helps me deal with the chaoic everyday life that has become routine to so many already...

...I also have another book, one consisting of all the experiences I had with ecstasy. I would write a little catchy phrase for the title, then the date, then tablet type and amount, and then within each 'chapter' I described the experience withing 2-3 pages, and with a rolling count well over 300 different experiences, I have come to deal with a lot of things, and I can only say that I've become much more down to earth, with the influence of MDMA in my life....

...The June 30th, REBIRTH of me, if you will is so strong to me and my family now, that we may celebrate my birthday on 6.30.01, compared to my early October birthday. Additionally I got a tattoo on my left forearm, simply 'SINCERE.' My birth-given name reminds me of the shit I put people through, and it just brings back horride memories, kinda like the ones that my sister & I discussed back when I was reborn. Some people laugh at the fact that I insist that I was reborn, but NOBODY in this world will fully understand; so in conclusion, all I can do is thank MDMA, you may have saved a soul, on a road destined for destruction, and realigned it, got me back into school, and down the right track...

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 5149
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Feb 14, 2001Views: 11,294
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MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Mystical Experiences (9), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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