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A Tale of Addiction
Cocaine
by Jacob
Citation:   Jacob. "A Tale of Addiction: An Experience with Cocaine (exp51216)". Erowid.org. Jun 22, 2008. erowid.org/exp/51216

 
DOSE:
  repeated   Cocaine (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 175 lb


You know how when you are 14 you are incredibly ambitious??? I know I was. Ambition and readily available, cheap recreational drugs to a teenager can mean problems. I was 14 years old, legally unable to obtain a real job, and hungered for money and power, among other things. At this age I was already a habitual smoker, both of cigarettes and weed, and had already experimented with shrooms, coke, LSA, and prescription opiates. The alternative to appease my will for these things, sell drugs. I could make money, and I could also have substances readily available for my enjoyment.

This is when cocaine became my drug of choice. When I was on coke, I was just like Superman, in my mind, and would willingly take on the world. I would have this spectacular feeling of instantaneous power after a 1/2 gram rail entered my nose, followed by a general feeling of superiority to all living beings. But I am not a violent person, and everybody was in turn, also my friend. I felt as though I must protect them, but also enforce things as I saw fit.

The problem was the come down. At the time, I was very depressed, and upon coming down, I sank into a depression so low, that my friends would not allow me to leave their house, would remove any means of suicide, lock me in a room with my best friend, and allow me to cry my eyes out to him until I fell asleep. It had potential to be my doom, and made me very irritable when I wasn't geeking.

At first it would be grams, then an 8-ball here, a ball there, just going about my business as usual. It helped me stay up to do my 'job'. I was now about 4 mos. into my venture, and had made quite a bit of money. Freestyle biking of the 'street' style being my passion, I had purchased and built, from the ground up, my $1800 dollar dream bike. I had a constant flow of new clothes and shoes, a new TV (heh), and all the 'goodies' and extras I could want. But I started noticing that my income was lowering. When I finally realized where the money was going, it was pretty much too late. I had developed a serious addiction to cocaine. It wasn't like I absolutely HAD to have the drug to function, but without it, I was a very ugly, mean, monster. I could not bring myself to stop purchasing the white lady, and in ever increasing amounts. By this time I was 15, I knew I had an addiction, and pretty much didn't care. I made enough money to go in for sometimes as much as $1200 combined (from me 200-600) a night with a few friends (as in 1 - 3) $1200 dollars a night between 1 - 4 teenagers!? That isn't exactly pocket change to a bunch of kids who can't even get real jobs.

I was the only one 'legitimately' making my money. One of my friends, whose parents were millionaires, was stealing large sums of money from mom's safe as well as pawning their personal items. The others were basically there by mine and my thief friend's good graces and were hardly ever in for more than $60, which was pretty much their lunch money, allowance, and whatever they could scrounge up. This is a problem. I deal drugs to unknowingly fix my problems, my friend steals large sums of money from his parents to do the same. We had a problem.

Well, after a month or so, I could no longer support this problem and had to start stealing as well to fully support myself. I therefore got into trouble with a few guys higher up than me, in turn, I was duct taped, thrown in a trunk, and on my way to be 'handled'. Luckily, thanks to my 'reliable' razor in the heel of my shoe, I was able to cut my bindings during the trip, I unlatched the trunk, and the difference between life and death meant jumping out of a trunk at over 45 m.p.h. and getting to safety before my supplier had time to turn around and, most likely, put a bullet in my head for attempting to run.

I made it home, my parents heard the whole story from an 'associate' of mine, I was sent to live elsewhere until my family could sell our house, and was then moved far away from the city I worked. I was made prisoner in my own house, unable to leave for anything for 2 months, and finally overcame the urge for cocaine. I am now your 'average' teenager. I have a REAL job (you know, with taxes and no jail time) and I am on path to graduate high school and even go to college. There are times when I still use cocaine, but I have a greater respect for it, in turn, keeping me from another addiction. I can now easily deny a free line when I feel it is not in my best interest. I have spent less than $150 on it in the last year. It is something I do when I know I am in the right frame of mind and just want to elevate myself to a different level.

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 51216
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 22, 2008Views: 11,787
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Cocaine (13) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

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