Citation: Fast Talker. "A Time for Peace: An Experience with Modafinil (Provigil) (exp51197)". Erowid.org. Jun 30, 2006. erowid.org/exp/51197
For 28 years of my life, I was withdrawn, distracted, had a VERY low self esteem. I was labeled by my teachers, an underachiever. Pushed down in the mud, got teeth knocked out, was called names. This was all by classmates in my elementary years. I reached Junior high and high school and became quite overreactive to any situation no matter what it was. I once threw a mathematical tool at one of the boys in my class in grade 8 for telling me that I traced a projection backwards onto the wall in the classroom. High school led to a VERY heavy Gravol addiction, major problems with asthma and cutting a lot of classes.
Believe it or not, I did graduate with pride at the age of 21. I did not drop out in between then either. I stuck to it and got out of school with surprisingly good marks. After I finally accomplished that, I tried to go to community college. Of course I quit that. I moved out of my parents house at the age of 23. I lived with my boyfriend in an appartment. I had many jobs. I could not keep one for longer than 6 months. I finally found a job at a dollarstore that I kept for over a year. Of course I find out that I am pregnant. Not something that was a really bad thing, but because I was considered high risk for my pregnancy, I had to quit my job that I was doing so good at. Baby was born full term and perfectly healthy.
Me and my boyfriend move to a different part of the city and get a bigger living space. I find out after our baby girl turns 4 months old that I am pregnant AGAIN!! I give birth to our son 9 months later. He too is born fine. Then things start to backslide with me. I get into problems keeping the house clean, I was not eating enough. I was not taking care of the kids as well as I should have been. Our son had just turned 13 months old and his older sister falls on him and his leg breaks. We go to the hospital and social services steps in and takes the kids away from me and my husband. (Me and the boyfriend had got married before this happened with the kids.) Not long after the kids were taken away, my social worker realizes what they accused me of was not true. She gets me into see a new psychiatrist.
She wanted me to see this man because she saw symptoms in me that my current psychiatrist had told the social worker he did not believe. I go to this new psychiatrist and he assesses me. We met 4 times and then I am finally diagnosed at the age of 28, with ADHD. I was given an Rx for Dexidrine. That did not work. I had some really bad mood swings and other problems that led the doctor to try Ritalin. That was going ok but it was going ok at a high dose. That got to be the same reactions as when I was taking Dexidrine. So he tries Strattera... That was doing nothing at all so it seemed. There were no negagive or positive effects. Till on that grim day that I actually had suicidal thoughts. I have never had this in my life. But apparently it was a reaction to the medication. So, he takes me off of that with no questions asked.
There was about a month with no treatment. I was feeling it too. Even though the stimulants made me have the mood swings, I could take them at spiradic times without a bad reaction. But that was not enough. So finally I see the doctor in the end of January of 2006, and he tries off label Rx of Modafinil. I noticed a HUGE difference in 2 days. I thought at first that it was a placebo effect with me, because I knew that after this medication there was not many more meds that he could prescribe without having bad side effects. It was not in any way a placebo effect. I was the person that I was born to be.
I could eat off the floors in the house. The kids were happy to see me sooooo calm. (Social services sent them home 4 months after taking them away from here) Me and my husband have never been so happy together in sooooooooo long. I can sit and read an entire book in a night, I am actually researching the net and a lot of books trying to learn chemistry. My memory is as sharp as a tack! Don't count on me forgeting anything now. I cannot believe the changes.
I used to be quite an introvert. Now I can say anything and not feel that I have to keep everything to myself. I say things at appropriate times, and in an appropriate manner. I am way more considerate and thankful to others now. This is all from taking the Modafinil. One pill, 100mg 2x daily. That is all that it takes to keep me this way.
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