Citation: Raedon. "Two Week Binge With God: An Experience with Nitrous Oxide (exp50962)". Erowid.org. Sep 21, 2020. erowid.org/exp/50962
I didn't know why I felt the need to look for any answers about God or why it mattered but when I realized that an end to that means threw N2O was available I jumped in deeper then I could understand until it was over. For weeks every other conscientious breath was of pure N2O and I was Dissociated from my ego and was dropped back to the source of everything, even God itself.
In the beginning at the source of all things was a being. It appeared to me not as a man or animal or anything describable but something like an impossible jewel. Multi-faceted and aware of only an impossible question that could only be solved by “finishing” itself, like you would think of a Rubik's Cube only not describable in it's beauty and depth. The being worked with the question in a dark state where nothing else existed. After all the tumblers fell into place on this impossible jewel it had the answer and was aware (in complete light and ecstasy) that it was God. From God came four beings in the likeness of God, they appeared to me as beings with a single purpose. To solve a new impossible question but they could only “work” on their question when God finished whatever impossible thing it was doing. God still appeared as a multi-faceted multi-dimensional object. I could never comprehend anything beyond the fact that it was God.
As God completed the four beings could work on themselves in any direction they wanted. The four, in different ways, gained enlightenment and from them came more beings, all in the likeness of God. They could not work unless the one they came from finished. They, too, could only work when the one “above” them finished. In this way a complexing impossible to fathom went on faster and faster until even time and space came into being. Atoms an all movements of time/space were being created from this movement from God. I saw everything that can be seen until I saw myself on a bed. I did not understand that it was me only that the person I saw was near death. In an instant all that was shown to me came crashing down on me along with my ego.
I was myself again and it was weeks later. Puss ran from my fingernails and I could not speak for days. Rapt in awe at the gift I was shown of how God and everything up to me happened. I was not myself for three months. It took me almost a year to even comprehend some of the information gathered while Dissociated from myself. The words still fail to explain what I can still see in my mind and that is a gift I doubt few have been granted. I did not find the meaning of my life only the origin of everything.
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