Citation: Pedro. "Entering a Darkness: An Experience with Sophora secundiflora (exp50546)". Erowid.org. Jun 13, 2007. erowid.org/exp/50546
I had never found any reports of mescal bean use, and even the oldest trippers, shamans, dope heads, and stoners I knew had no idea what the effects of the mescal bean were. After extensive research, I had come to the realization that it would be an extremely dangerous risk to ingest this bean. Now, in my experience, there has been nothing I wouldn't try, so I decided to say 'fuck it'. FIRST MISTAKE.
So the first night I was introduced to the bean, I was in a calm environment with friends. Earlier, my friends and I had smoked a few bowls of salvia and had a good laugh. I had taken around 20 grams of amanita muscaria's that night. They were providing for a nice atmosphere, with an enlightened mood, and an unexplainable comfort. That night I had also popped a good amount of pills including adderol, seroquel, wellbutrin, trazadone,effexor, lamictal, and zyprexa. With all this working in system, I could not make an educated description of the mescal bean's effects due to no knowledge of adverse reactions when mixing chemicals, SECOND MISTAKE.
That night I ingested a few small nibbles off half of a bean. About an hour after ingestion, I felt horrible and had a strange desire to lay down and start having convulsions. I forced myself to go outside to get some fresh air, and once outside I vomited violently. It made me decide that lying down was the best option. Approximately an hour and a half after ingestion, I was lying on a couch, with covers over me, holding onto pillows for dear life, hoping I could pass out before I died. Luckily after some mild convulsions and thoughts of death, I had passed out.
Now a few nights later I had convinced myself that I had to find out, for my own knowledge, the full effects of this bean. I had read many passages that the mescal bean was a divinatory medium for Native Americans. I had found stories involving dancing rituals and visions focused around this somewhat sacred bean, and my curiosity outweighed all scientific readings which told me it was extremely to toxic for human ingestion. This was my third mistake.
At 9:00, I cracked the hard red shell open and ate the bean it held inside. I sat around my room waiting for something to happen. After a few minutes of sitting around, I decided to walk around outside.
Approximately 9:35, I started having feelings similar to if I had smoked a whole pack of cigarettes one after another. I had a mild headache, and my stomach was turning like I had just been food poisoned. I found my way to a picnic table and sat down. Against my best interests I ingested another half of a bean at about 9:50. I had begun to automatically grab on to the table. I was also shifting around involuntarily, changing posture unconsciously. I had a strange feeling that the outdoors was unsafe, and made the trip back to my apartment. Walking became difficult, and I wanted to hurry back to the safety of indoors, but the walk seemed to take forever. Multiple times I thought I was going to fall down, as if my equilibrium had taken a beating.
I managed to get back in one piece, and decided to make myself something to eat, thinking it would help my stomach, which at the moment felt as if it was shrinking, on fire, and going to implode. I ate a potato chip, ONE, and ran outside to begin puking. This wasn't the type of vomiting that makes me feel better afterward, it was extremely painful, and I believed I was going to vomit out an organ or something. One of the most unpleasant moments in my life, then it got worse.
At about 10:25, I started going inside, outside, inside, outside, over and over looking for something to provide safety, or the right atmosphere to relax somewhat. I decided to sit on the floor of my room and meditate. This helped somewhat. It took all my energy to keep myself still. I focused, and was beginning to feel good with myself and the experience I was having, and that's when the worst started. While sitting meditating, I had a fleeting thought the room was getting smaller, and seconds after that thought, my chest cavity began to cave in. My throat was being pulled down my neck, and my diaphragm started to shrink. It felt as if my ribs were stabbing all the organs they encased. I didn't know what to do and started rolling around on the floor. I started having mild convulsions, and in between them I started to see why it was deemed hallucinogenic. I would stop tensing up, and thoughts would race through my mind, my perception was shifted, and amidst rolling around on the floor, some positive things started to happen.
I stopped convulsing for a while and got up to walk around. I had an indisputable realization that I was a medium through which divine messages should be sent. I believed that if someone were there I could answer any question they had. This feeling passed. Somewhere around 11:00, my chest started to feel as if I could not breathe, or swallow. I was having immense prophetic visions, but could not focus on them due to the pain. I was wishing the pain would leave for just a moment so that I could maybe get a thought finished. I felt as if I were a guru or oracle or some sort, that could no longer be of any use, and was dying. I lost all ability to walk, or even sit, due to either the pain, or convulsing, or both. I'm not sure what time it was, but not too much later I fell down and could not get up. I managed to crawl up to my mattress and proceeded to shake and twitch uncontrollably. I gathered anything within reach to grasp onto and squeeze. I could not breathe. I am unsure why I didn't suffocate, more than likely it was mere luck. I had entered what I will call 'a mescal darkness', and thought I was sure to die from the toxicity in my system. Eventually I passed out. That was the end.
Now with this knowledge, I do not regret my experience.
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