Citation: verklingen. "A Second Awakening: An Experience with Cannabis & Meditation (exp50352)". Erowid.org. Feb 24, 2006. erowid.org/exp/50352
I'm 21 years old, use no supplements or medications, have followed a consistent regimen of meditation for a year and a half, and smoked copious amounts of cannabis from ages 16-19: often in excess of 2 ounces a week between myself and a few friends. Since then I had smoked only on occasion for some time, but until this past Saturday night I hadn't smoked for the better part of a year. I got a gram of some sweet-smelling (and tasting as I would later find out [as a side note, it probably takes some time to acquire a taste for the aroma and flavor of cannabis, but my taste seemed as developed as ever: the mere smell of the sticky bud made my mouth begin to water]) bud from an old friend along with a fair warning concerning its potency. I knew going in that after nearly a year of not smoking I would have effectively zero tolerance, so I anticipated smoking from this single gram once a week over a month-long period.
I decided to hold on to the pot and not use it until Saturday night, using Friday night for some meditation in preparation for my coming journey. I had luckily held on to the only pipe I had ever owned (an index finger-sized glass chillum I bought when I was 16), so I didn't need to go and buy another.
After a long week of work, I spent Friday night in trance-like meditation followed by a couple good records. I sat upright on my couch, making myself aware of cognizance and re-familiarizing myself with its qualities. I perceived every sound as an emanation from my Self, each one a vibration of the sempiternal and dual-faced energy of existence just as my breath pours in and out of my lungs. Oftentimes when I follow up meditation with music, I find myself slipping back into the state of meditation and will abruptly return to everyday awareness to find the record ended long ago; but not on this occasion.
On Saturday night I followed much the same method, but I introduced a bit of cannabis (1/5th of a gram) into the proceedings. I began to meditate, and remained in the trance for some 20 minutes or so. Feeling relaxed but also excited, I pulled out my pipe and weed and decided what music to kick off the experience with. I put the music on (Burzum - Det Som Engang Var), loaded the bowl, and commenced the smoking.
The smoke rolled smoothly down my throat as I enjoyed its piney, vegetal flavor. I took three hits, holding each for some 10 or 15 seconds. I left what remained in the bowl for later.
As I sat back, the effects were almost immediate: I felt an airy sensation in the frontal lobe, a heightened awareness of pressures and congested energies in the limbs and joints, and lights appeared to transmit through an aqueous membrane. I closed my eyes, and found that the normally fleeting and inconsistent hues of color had organized themselves into coherent yet ever-changing forms. I discovered blossoming lotuses of untold depths and beauty; majestic fractals of baffling dimensions and illimitable complexity.
My ears heard the continuing music, my eyes (third eye?) peered into the dancing holograms, my nerves became excited by unending feeling, my mind perceived an infinity of thoughts: and yet, among all these dynamic sensations I found that I could select one upon which to direct my entire faculty of awareness and sense. I recognized that each musical chord or note, each step of the visionary dance, each single feeling, and each thought can be suspended and examined to infinite depth and resolution: I had only to put forth the effort.
Making myself aware of the music, I entered a world of stupefying majesty. Though broadcast in stereo, the waves of musical energy enveloped my entire being. The music took on a quality of nostalgia: not unlike how you would remember an old fairy-tale you often heard in childhood, but much more ancient. The vibrations were powerful, and it seemed to me that they found their origin in my self. I sensed that I had been there before, long ago.
Shifting my awareness to the closed-eye visions, I became rapt in awe. I found that among the myriad dancing forms I could select a single aspect of one single form, making it my whole awareness. As I gazed therein, it seemed as though a seed planted there who knows how many eons ago had abruptly sprouted into a magnificent tree or bush. As I watched the process, each leaf multiplied in exponential fashion until that single seed had grown to unfathomable proportions; stretching before, behind, above, and below my point of vantage and beyond the horizon of my mind's eye. Each leaf continued the blossoming dance which bore it, and as I shifted my awareness to a wider perspective that single aspect which engaged my whole consciousness became suddenly lost in an ocean of mercurial color and ever-changing patterns: yet I noticed that even this macroscopic form was caught in the same dance which I observed absorbing its constituents. To me, this came as no surprise.
I opened my eyes and realized that the record had ended. Looking at the clock I saw that about an hour has passed, and I drank a tall glass of room temperature water to allay the extreme drymouth which I hadn't noticed with my eyes closed. I put on a Beethoven Symphony No. 2 record, and in about 2 hits finished off the remainder of the bowl. I held in the smoke as before and slowly allowed it to escape from my throat. As I watched the pale smoke move through the air I realized that it was dancing the same dance as the closed-eye visuals I was engaged with, only at a somewhat slower and less fervent pace. For some reason or another, this made me laugh.
Feeling extremely giddy and connected with the world, I again closed my eyes, returned to my meditation, and this time directed my full awareness to feeling. In doing so, I was made painfully aware of the energetic congestion in my joints and limbs. By directing my awareness from point to point, I found I could consciously ease the coagulating stress and restore balance to the affected area. I felt the effects of the soothing and naturalistic music as it vibrated the air around my skin and then vibrated my skin directly: it felt somewhat like an itch, but an itch which is continually scratching itself. At particularly powerful points in the music a tremor of energy would surge from my crown throughout my entire body, causing shivers of delight and satisfaction to traverse from head to toe.
Deciding now to delve into my consciousness, I came to rest my awareness upon the mind; again and again becoming intrigued by my thoughts. Many times I found myself ruminating on my earlier years or coming to a sudden realization about a dream I had long ago. I found that all these thoughts had a hidden correlation which I need only consider for a moment to uncover. This also made me laugh gaily as I was again reminded of the universal connectivity most people do not even remotely understand: not even those who believe themselves to. Very often an intense sense of deja vu would leave me wondering whether I was dreaming or if I had dreamt this situation before. The clarity I achieved in this defocalized (i.e. non-rational) state is remarkable, and my petty human concerns seemed unimportant and negligible: so easily solved are they.
I opened my eyes, and again realized the music had already ended. A glance at the clock revealed that at least another hour had gone by. I was amazed at how easily I could leave the outside world beyond my self and become lost in my own personal being: so much so that I would not even realize that music had gone from playing to not playing. The fact that I did not notice that the music had stopped playing does not mean that I was unable to hear and experience the music as it was playing. Indeed, it seemed that if anything I hadn't noticed the record ending simply because my mind had continued the theme of the music on its own, and that what I perceived inside of my self was an extension of the music. This was a powerful realization, and I considered my self akin to the blossoming plants I had seen; I saw my consciousness as both parent and child to the music, as both I and the music mutually influenced our respective dances. I smiled, and decided it was a fine time to go to bed.
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