Citation: Leprechaun. "MDMA for Therapy: The Only Way?: An Experience with MDMA (exp5021)". Erowid.org. Feb 6, 2001. erowid.org/exp/5021
||(powder / crystals)
It was the week before new years, a mildly cold friday night. Only a few days ago on the tuesday a good friend and I who had been together awhile before had sex while drunk. Given the situation in which we were, this was the last thing we should have done. R, as I will call her, turned up during the evening, and it was obvious there were tensions between us, the idea of my invite was that we could work out the situation. We had planned to do the MDMA the next day together with some other friends. I had not ingested any substances in the past two weeks before the experience.
I was feeling rather tense and quite anxious to try and resolve the issue before us. We rented a video, a slap-stick comedy which I had heard of, but neither of us had seen.
We watched a documentary first, The Mushroom Man, Gordon Wasson and other eccentrics. R had never seen the film before, and this had inspired her as to the appropriatness of altered states of conciousness. R felt it more correct to take the MDMA that night, where we were alone, the night was calm and the setting was familiar without too many novel distractions, to her it was the perfect time for an experience of more than pure recreation.
I found it hard to agree simply due to the fact that two other people were to attend tomorrow, a point where we would all get together and have fun. However I took to her opinion and we ingested 100mg of MDMA powder each.
12:20 - Ingested 100mg of MDMA.
We decided to turn on the next video. Initially I felt good about watching it, relaxed, but quickly anticapation got the better of me. I felt anxious about the experience, giddy in the stomach.
Intellectually unmoved, I feel uncomfortable and strange, the feeling is not new, but it is getting in the way of my focus of thought.
Anticapation disappears at an undefined moment, the window opens at no point in time. Am I always here? Why am I here now? Intellectually it makes no sense. Time is undefined, it is purely a learned concept. Everything changes.
The rest of the events are blurred in bliss. We talked, we understood. We kissed, it was right. We solved the problem by telling each other what we felt without fear of repurcussion. Truth may sometimes be inappropriate, but if it is so inappropriate, why did it feel so good?
The feeling is still there, so much emotional energy, an ability to communicate like never before. With the issue we had before us resolved, R and I turned on some Mozart, it was however not energetically moving enough, instead I put on some dream trance. The music took us to another realm of celebration. The moment that we shared, the abstract concept of the energy we exchanged on a wholistic level cannot be explained intellectually. The experience will forever remain with me, the life and love that was spent through this experience with ripple through reality forever. I am grateful to be.
We continue to dance and enjoy each others company. The observing mind is beginning to return.
With the effects fading we begin to go to bed, unable to sleep I go for a run. Upon returning, as I drift of to sleep strange thoughts creep into my mind, the creepy thoughts continue to pervade. I try to resolve the intellectually, but thoughts of death and anger boil deep within me. I leave those thoughts for another time, falling asleep without too much effort.
In the morning I ingested some 5-HTP and other minerals and supplements, as usual appetite was none, but I still ate well.
I found this to be the most profitable and appropriate drug experience I have ever had, along side a LSD experience three weeks later, but that is another story.
R also noted she had strange and creepy thoughts after the experience, an interesting side note.
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