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A Love/Hate Relationship
by Cloud
Citation:   Cloud. "A Love/Hate Relationship: An Experience with MDMA (exp49815)". Feb 8, 2018.

  repeated   MDMA


I began using MDMA at raves at the age of 18. Half a pill transformed the world into a dream-place where everybody seemed to be connected. I felt a psychic energy within me and desired to share the colorful energy with complete strangers. By touching their hands, I could feel our energies combining. It was a nice little dose of happiness, but the come down was all Hell. I needed to find that connection again.

I met a guy. We started eating pills often, having gatherings with close friends...telling our life stories, giving massages, and meditating. It all seemed so perfect, as if we had reached a higher state of consciousness. I felt I could reach into peoples' souls, travelling into a deep state of trance. The day after...I can hardly move my body. I feel the life draining out of me. My happy-juice is gone forever.
The day after...I can hardly move my body. I feel the life draining out of me. My happy-juice is gone forever.
I've always had a problem with depression.

The parties continue, only now the people are gone. There is no connection and maybe it was all just a dream. I take E now like prozac, to maintain what few neurotransmitters I still have. I am forgetting things all the time. I had to go to the emergency room because suicide was the only other option.

Exp Year: 2004-2006ExpID: 49815
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: Feb 8, 2018Views: 1,015
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MDMA (3) : Depression (15), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

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