DMT (M. tenuiflora Extract)
Citation: lava. "Scared Shitless, Not Ready: An Experience with DMT (M. tenuiflora Extract) (exp49359)". Erowid.org. May 2, 2006. erowid.org/exp/49359
What led me to try DMT was first a book by Richard Strassman, then listening to maybe 30 hours of Terence talks during summer and fall 2005. In my life I've done maybe 15 lsd trips and 15 or so mushroom trips, several of which were high dose. I've had good lsd trips but never really liked the electric feel. Mushrooms on the other hand have always been great to me. I tried ayahuasca once in 91 which had minimal effect. At the time I was living at a place where Terence frequented, so there was no lack of guidance or enthusiasm concerning psychedelics. While some of my friends were 'called' deep into the ayahuasca realms, I was called to India where I immersed for several years in amazingly ecstatic and expansive yoga, tantra, meditation. And while hashish was always a part of this exploration, I basically stopped tripping, and hadn't tripped for about 12 years when I smoked the dmt.
When I got to Thailand in November, where I've been living half each year, I found an extraction method, ordered some mimosa hostilis root bark, performed two exractions. The first one I screwed up and ended with yellow gooey stuff that smelled like dmt. I tried smoking it, had one good hit, and felt nothing. The second extraction yielded what appeared to be one big dose of white crystals. I split this in two, planning to take two hits, as this was my only chance. But again, I thought it wouldn't work, which was not a good mindset.
My girlfriend had been away 4 days, I had spent alot of that time meditating and writing. I cleaned my room, drew the curtains so there was soft lighting, put half the dose in an old fashioned apple pipe, put it on top of some ash, sprinkled some semi burned tobacco on top to protect it from the flame, and drew this in. It was amazingly smooth, not harsh at all, I could barely taste the dmt. I held this in like it was prime bud, very deep, raising my arms to really draw it in. Mind you I really didn't think this was going to work, as my earlier hits didn't affect me at all. But after about 4 seconds I felt it coming on very strong and quickly decided to abort the second hit, diving for the bed, and it's a good thing I did.
The endless accounts I heard Terence tell, and the many accounts I read, although totally accurate, did not prepare me for the intensity. I could not fucking believe what was happening. It felt like being both electrocuted, and being instantly catapulted into space. Since I was lying on my back, I felt like I was on a luge getting sucked like one of those tubes at a bank's drive in teller, through a super powerful vacuum chute. The force was like that of a colossal sling shot that could send you from earth into space in a matter of seconds. this is within the first couple minutes. The rush was absolutely insane and I was not ready. I resisted like a motherfucker, I just wanted it to end. I wanted out, off the ride. But of course there was no getting off.
I had a series of vivid dreams before this, in two of them I was struck by lightning and entered the death state. I knew these dreams were about DMT, and this was exactly the feeling. As if I was suddenly struck dead. I didn't know if I was alive or dead. I had the sensation of leaving my body. I also had a dream of diving into the ocean and going much deeper than I intended, but I was able to breathe underwater. This too was exactly the feeling. I did notice I was breathing, which helped me from totally freaking out. But still I was scared shitless. I just could not believe one hit could do this, could electrocute me like this.
There were no elves, no wonderful colors, although during the peak intensity there were some colors in front of me, blue and red, a definite space that it seemed I could enter, but I was too busy resisting. That space was definitely beckoning me, and that's where I want to return should I do this again, which won't be right away. I realized I'm not ready. I really just wanted to get a taste, ease into the experience, not get launched so powerfully.
The 'suction' of the rush did pull some emotional stuff from me. I very clearly felt the presence of old friend from high school in me somehow. He introduced me to acid back in 77. I don't know what that's about, but I am investigating.
I have read too many amazing dmt tales to give up. But right now I've determined the time is not right. I've been questioning my existence and relationship here in Thailand, so in fact I was not comfortable in this setting, in my room, my girlfriend due that night. The dmt itself I was in doubt about, it wasn't tested. I was alone. Next time I'd like a sitter and some tested stuff. A drug this powerful should not be fooled around with.
I'm also wondering if I smoked enough. Even though one hit sent me into orbit, where I was no longer in my body and couldn't even see the room, I think if I smoked two smaller hits I might have 'broken through' into that space so many people describe. I think I was right there, on the edge. Maybe if I was more relaxed I could have entered. Don't know. I just know I was terrified and was very happy it was short lived as eveyone said. I was very glad when the window and curtains came back into focus. At that point I could enjoy the tiny bit of swirling colors I did get to see. I was so overjoyed to have survived I jumped up and wrote some emails. In retrospect, this is still a very sensitive time. Next time I plan to just lay there and relax. Also next time I think I'll be more trusting, as I know I'll survive, I know how much intensity to expect. Looking forward to the ultra astonishment in elfland, should I ever make it there, where as Terence says, you have a few minutes to 'plunder the palace'.
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