Citation: Ruined4Life. "Why Acid Ruined My Life: An Experience with LSD (exp4839)". Erowid.org. Jan 24, 2001. erowid.org/exp/4839
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This is a little bit more than a description of my trip. It has to do with how acid has irrepairably ruined my life, i'm not saying I wont do acid again, but I am saying my school, my family, and my friends have all been effected by the actions and choices I made while under the influence of lsd, please take the time if you have it, to read this so you do not make similiar choices resulting in shattering your relationships with many parts of your life.
It started off as a normal day at school, I had been invited to go over to my friend Eric's house to drop some acid. I have taken LSD many times before, with moderation of course, regardless of how much some of my friends take it.
Recently I have been trying very hard to get some structure into my life with minimal success, I have been depressed, tired, and unmotivated for about a year now, telling myself that my drug habits are a means of self-medication, but I know the truth, i'm just a burn-out and have nothing better to do than quest after an 'altered state of mind'.
I normally don't drop acid when I have to be home talking to my father (parents are divorced) at most 4 hours after I take the acid, but I have been going through alot of stress, and felt that this would be a way to release it, even though I was just looking for an excuse for myself to rationalize my behavior. My father is 45, and one of those 'Learn from the lessons I never had the chance to' parents, and a former Hardcore Junkie/Alcoholic 8 years sober. So, he isn't very understanding of my exploration of drug use, which he feels I wont grow out of.
We dropped the acid at about 3:15 PM. Eric turned on Grand Turismo 2, and we played it. 30 mins had passed, and I was feeling the first wave of the acid. I thought to myself, 'This is remarkable...' because that is amazingly fast by the normal standards of the acid I get.
At around 4:00, I was feeling quite comfortable and could not take my eyes off of the ceiling, and it's popcorn pattern. It kept on waving back and forth, and breathing at the same time. Then Eric got up to go to the bathroom, and behind him were several trails all doing something different than he was doing seconds before. One would have it's hand behind his head and his other arm aiming up, and another would be hunched over, all of this coming from him casually walking to the bathroom. I thought to myself, this is some good acid.
When he got back in what seemed like hours later, he came, not out of the bathroom, but out of the hallway on the other side of the house, wearing a Jason (from Friday the 13th) mask. He looked at me pulled a knife out of his pocket, and said, 'Is this scary?' I looked at him, and laughed, all at the same time over-anylizing this strange occurance, Why would he attempt to scare me after giving me acid? So I said, 'Ummm, dude... what the hell are you doing?' he responded with, 'I was just trying to scare you man. Hey do I look like a retard yet?,' keep in mind, Eric is very unexperienced with Psycedelics, and he thinks that there is certain acid that makes people look like retards. So I just looked at him, and agreed, and said, 'More than you know, Eric, more than you know.'
It was getting around 5:00 when he took me out to the bus stop so I could get home, and at this bus stop, there was this 3 foot tall oriental man with a head bigger than a watermelon, (and I can confirm this because I see him everyday at the bus station on my way to school) holding a garbage bag. He was walking around picking up cans, and there was also this rather 'large' woman sitting next to me. He walked over to her and handed her the bag. I was hearing strange noises from the woman's stomache, and they were being warped in my head, I was hearing Ickbay, Ickick, Iiickbaay. Then all of the sudden, the oriental man, said something like Maui Wowie (that's not what he said, but that's what I perceived it as, and they were echoing and warping, which then came off as Mawaui... My mind was frazzled, I started making completely irrational associations. That these two had some sort of connection. That this has been going on for thousands of years, and that one cannot function without the other. Then my inner monologue started going over this. 'Ickbay Mawaui, it's as if it is... and has always been this way.'
The the bus showed up at 5:15. I sat in the far back, left seat and next to me was a woman, and her child that wouldn't stop moving around and whining. This came as quite a disturbance to me, I did not understand why the child was whining, and I knew that this was a 15 minute bus ride, Could I endure the madness for 15 minutes with out screaming? Was it really all that much if I were to ask the child to refrain from whining? But no, I held back, I knew I could not speak to these 'people' on any normal level of communication.
I pulled out my watch, 5:16, 'Damnit,' I muttered, the word echoed in my head, and I looked around all of the sudden on edge... Did they hear me? This gave me a short break from the unrelentless whines from the child. As time passed, I found ease in looking out the window and soon, we were at the bus station. I was about to go to smoke a cigarette, when I saw my good friends Ryan and Alley waiting to catch a bus that I can catch to get home that was leaving right then, So I walked over to them. Ryan greeted me with a simple but convenient, 'Hello', as did Alley, and they knew something was up when I didn't respond right away, I had to look around, and the whispered, 'H ii', Ryan asked what I had said, and I shook my head No.
The three of us got on the bus, which was a very unusual and awkward experience, as bus rides while frying usually are, each window on the bus had it's own point to it. Every window was it's own direction all in this bus that moments before outside of it, was a rectangle. We sat down next to each other, Alley in my seat, and Ryan in front on me. I finally got up the courage to speak, I asked Ryan for a cigarette, he said, 'I only have 2, but i'll give you 2/3rds of a whole one once I smoke half of one tonight.' I was confused, and my face showed that, he said, i'm just fucking with you, here' and handed me one. He said in a casual voice, 'Dude, you look baked.' Alley followed that up with, 'Yea man, you look out of it, you got a bowl?' I shook my head no, and said, 'It's not weed i'm on, it's acid.' She said, 'Really? Are you getting some good visuals?' I shook my head yes. At this point I was experiencing quite a few auditory hallucinations, and it was hard to maintain in front of the other people on the bus, and then Ryan and Alley had this big discussion about weed, right there. I felt so uncomfortable, because I didn't know if this was actually going on or not. Then I saw the gas station that always indicates for me to pull the string to get off the bus. I said 'See you later Alley, later Ryan.'
From here on, it was basically a ten minute walk home, and I was in a very animated world at the moment, it was perfectly light out. So I smoked my cigarette, the only one i've had all day, i'm cutting back. Which is one of my reason for stress. I started looking around, and things were begining to slowly, but surely take on a purple-ish tint, or a dull but at the same time bright green. I didn't understand what was going on. Then I saw a street light flicker on and off shooting sparks down. I then realised, I can't go home like this. So I for some reason, walked around my neighborhood stumbling, and then found a spot to sit where I could watch the train tracks. Things were not normal. I knew that if I went home right now, i'd be fucked. But I knew that if I went home later, I'd be worse off, so I tried for a while to get my head straight to come up with some logical reason as to why I was frying on acid and where I was, but with minimal success. So I went home to let things 'happen' and they did. My dad started off with, 'Where have you been,?' I responded with, 'At Eric's,' he said, 'No you haven't been! I talked to his mother, and she said you haven't been over there once. Now damnit son, tell me where you have been, you look loaded,' I was a bit confused, but at the same time I knew what had happened, Eric decided that he'd just tell his mom that noone had even been there. I decided that I would act stupid, and say I don't know where I was, and respond I don't know to any and all questions. He said, 'Son, you look loaded.' I responded with, 'I'm perfectly willing to admit that, I think i've been dosed.' Then he took on a concerned look. 'With what?' he asked, I said 'LSD'. He asked how I knew that it was lsd, and I said 'From what i've heard about it, it sound like lsd' he proceed with a line of questioning, 'When did you start feeling it?', 'at school', 'why didn't you tell a teacher?' 'Are you fucking crazy? They'd kick me out!' 'Why didn't you come home?' 'I don't know' 'Where were you?' 'I don't know' 'Are you sure it's lsd?' 'Yes' 'How? Have you ever done lsd?' 'No' Then he called up the hospital, and we drove to the ER, and they took my blood pressure, and had me do a series of tests, but never gave me anything like pills, or injected me with anything. I sat there for hours until it wore off, then we went home. My dad was less than amused.
The next day, my dad called up my school, and got them involved. The teachers didn't believe me, then, they had to make the announcement that investigation will begin on the matter. Basically meaning, my friends' privacy will be invaded for quite a while, and noone knew at that point who the kid who got 'dosed' was. But the lack of discreteness by the teachers pissed me off, by the end of the day, everyone knew who it was.
Since I wasn't believed, the teachers said, 'You don't mind if we do a little urine test now do we? Because, we can see how you could make the jump from smoking weed to, oh say, dropping tabs of acid.' I said 'Sure, go right ahead,' attempting to call their bluff because I know how the teachers work. And then they started giving my dad number to the local clinics and places that they run urinalysis screenings. Since i've taken MDMA, Mushrooms, DXM, not to mention smoked a fairly large amount of weed from the previous saturday to this sunday, every day. I was getting a bit worried. Then they asked me when the last time I smoked weed was, I said, I don't smoke weed anymore sticking to my story, because if I lied about the weed, I could very well be lying about the acid. Me and my dad got in the car to drive to the drug testing place, and then, half way there, I cracked... I told my dad that the last time I smoked weed was over christmas break nearly a month ago. He said that we should head back to the school and tell the teachers this, so I did, and the teacher said. Ok, now, I still thiink you should get the UA, I think you are lying. So I took the UA, and I had drank alot mountain dew the past few days so that must have lowered it some, but the number I heard from my dad, is around 300, don't know much about this, but that is supposedly high. But at least my dad doesn't know much either, so, I was able to convince him that I had smoked alot of pot a month earlier.
All in all, what this experience effected in my life is, My family, They wont be able to look at me the same way ever again. My school, my teachers will now forever 'Have it out for me'. My Friends, their privacy is being invaded in an investigation, and they know exactly who to blame. Mostly, i'm worried about my life. I hope that in some way someone can benifit from this, to not bring school into an excuse when dealing with drugs.
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