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Death or Birth, Separation From Self
5-MeO-DMT
Citation:   The Subject. "Death or Birth, Separation From Self: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp47795)". Erowid.org. Dec 10, 2006. erowid.org/exp/47795

 
DOSE:
25 mg smoked 5-MeO-DMT (powder / crystals)
BODY WEIGHT: 180 lb
In an attempt to find out what lay at the edges of the slight curling vibrations at the onset of a mild 5-meo-dmt experience, I found the edge. First and foremost, I would like to recommend that no person try this ever. I have some friends who have been where I have and they are changed.

Me and my friend J were sitting around his house pondering what to do with our evening. A gram of 'pond' 5-meo-dmt, a meth pipe and minutes or hours to waste. Having spent the greater part of the previous months tripping foxy or taking nitrous or eating pills... something more substantive was on the horizon.

The night started out simply enough with us watching cartoons and smoking small (3-5 mgs) doses of meo-dmt. The small doses of 5-meo-dmt have the wonderous ability to slide one from ones body into positions of slight rapture. Rapture I call it; it is the experience of having ones nerves firing simultaniously and the beginnings of the violent seperation to come.

As J and I were passing back and forth the pipe, I got a bit stupid. J had gone into his bathroom to hit it and hadn't nearly cleared out the 10mg's he put in the pipe. He handed it to me with not a word.

At this point I had decided to take the substance to the next level, and I put approx 20 mgs of 5-meo-dmt into the pipe. I sat down on his toilet and looked in the pipe. I could see there was a little more than there should be. I looked at the edge of the cliff, my sense of self preservation safely tucked away under months of successful, non-death causing drug use.

Throwing caution to the wind is a term that while quite cliche, it manages to summerize the moment quite well. The lighter sparked, the flame hungry, the pipe, quite hot. Once one has performed numerous (100+) hits off a pipe of 5-meo-dmt, one begins to expect the hazy amber smoke that one gets. Today I got milk, think the purest white milk in high contrast, in a photograph... against a black backdrop.

As it began to enter my lungs... the sensation I can recall thinking most clearly was a profound, wordless, 'OH SHIT.' The walls immediately grayed into a sensational breakdown of color. Things all grayed into a scene something like static on a tv tuned to an unaired channel. TORN. My cognisant being managed to become lodged in a synapse somewhere in my brain as a torrent of raw essential chemical energy washed over me tossing me about like a rag doll.

I would imagine that I have had an experience quite like a rafter caught in the well of a waterfall being tossed and thrown without ability to object. I was aware only of my inability to have awareness. I was forced into existance without check or balance, without ego or memory. I was simply being washed away.

I was experiencing sound louder than I'd ever heard, sight brighter than my eyes could see, vibrations more physically intense than any feeling. They all coincided, they were not seperate feelings. There was unity: feeling, sight, sound all inside this rushing, swirling vortex of unimaginable intensity. Think electrocution while being drowned in a washing machine and having your entire body perferated with needles while a mini sun set to strobe light flies around into fantastic patterns.

I seem to remember hearing the echoing, orgasmic, thundering words, pounding in my skull, 'OH MY GOD, HOLY SHIT, OH MY GOD,' etc... As the torrent of scouring energy pulsed through my body, I began to hear a sensation. I EMERGED for a moment from the ether to see my best friend, pulling on my shirt, asking me if I was ok. I went under again... my name called more... coming out. I came out.

I appologized, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry; over and over again. I had been torn away from my self, I existed at that moment as only the person who had been awakened from the entirity of the universe by my best friend. There was nothing else... there was everything, then there was me there, being saved by my friend.

10 or 15 minutes... I was on his bathroom floor, screaming at the top of my lungs. Staring, but unseeing. He thought I was going to die. I kicked the guard on his shower, my legs had gone into the shower, my legs were green.

I felt as though I'd commited the worlds most filthy sin. I was simply shattered.

Flashbacks occured for a couple of months afterwards. The sense panic at my ego being torn from my hands was present each time. It can be described as a most beautiful terror. There is something quite artistic to the pain of it and something quite mucky and dirty about re-entering the world of ego based communication.

Would I ever do it again? Go to hell. Should you try it? You should be beaten to death with your own shoe for asking. Has it changed my life? In every concievable way.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 47795
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 10, 2006Views: 15,379
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5-MeO-DMT (58) : Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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