Citation: asifoundlove. "A Journey Into Higher Consciousness: An Experience with Ecstasy (exp4652)". Erowid.org. Jan 14, 2001. erowid.org/exp/4652
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I've been doing ecstacy for a little while now. I've had several amazing experiences, and also a couple bad ones. I've learned amazing things from the different experiences I have had. I can still remember the first time I did e, laying there sinking into the beat. I'm practically grinning my face off just thinking about it. Though my first time was amazing, last week I had the most amazing experience with e that has stuck with me, and always will.
I dropped the beanies around midnight. We had a large group of people together from out of town, some experienced rollers and a couple first timers. We were all heading to a club here were they play house music and trance. The roll kicked in about the time we got there (somewhere around 25 mintues after i dropped). The next thing i now I was headed upstairs for a couch. The pills had kicked in hard. The music was flooding my soul and I was easily slipping into the music, becoming the music. Everything seemed just like every other time I had rolled, except I knew what I was doing this time. As my eyes rolled back into my head, I was getting new feelings. It felt as though I was a celestial being, an angel. That's the best I can describe it. My friends were all out dancing and usually i'm all up for dancing, but that night i just wanted to set there on the coach, and continue with this new journey.
As I was setting on the coach, next to some other people who were rolling my mind started to bring up new ideas about life, family, love, beauty, as well as other things that are to numerous to list. I had my trusty notebook with me, that i alway's take when i'm rolling to write down ideas or feelings I get. I now will try to explain the most ultimate revelation i've ever gotten in my entire life.
The first thought that came to my mind was a simple concept. 'You should smile everyday, because things could always be so much worse.' I started to think of people from this country and other countries that have it so much worse than I do. I started to think about how my entire life I had alway's lived for the next moment. I realized that I had never really been happy. I was always striving for what I wanted in life, and when I would get it the enjoyment wouldn't last. I would quickly move on to what I wanted next, without taking any time to enjoy life. I had lost almost all vision at this point, actually I could see but my brain was somewhere else and i wasn't focused on anything visual so anything going on around me didn't register in my brain, because I wasn't paying any attention to it.
The next moment, I realized that if my happiness continued to depend on anyone or anything outside of myself I could never be happy. That means drugs, people, sex, anything. I started to see this power I had, and that everyone has. I also started to see how I give that power away everyday through emotional addictions and inassertivness. I'm not talking about power, of which you control people. I'm talking about the power that everyone has to control themselves and manipulate thier own minds, instead of other peoples, or letting thier minds manipulate them. I realized that my Psychology teacher was right. There is a step between an event and an emotion. When an event takes place, the emotion doesn't come automatically. Before the emotion comes, first you talk to yourself, then you react in emotion. I realized that if I wanted to get myself out of this depression I was in, that I had to change the way I talked to myself, the way I reacted to situations.
The best way any of this can be labeled is by calling it a higher consciouness of life. I was one with everything. I was love, peace, energy, beauty, wisdom, clarity, effectiveness, and oneness. Though after the drug effects wore off, that ultimate connection left, but it left me turned in the right direction. I mean I practially can't stop smiling anymore. I have a higher consciousness of life, but not quite that ultimate that I had achieved that night. I now however that it won't be long until I am able to reach that peak without the assistance of any drug, or anything. The revelation brought it all into focus, into my reality. There were three points that I listed that night on my notebook. At the top of the page it said enjoy life moment by moment. Live in the now. I remember my psych teacher telling us that nowness is the purest form of sanity. I had wrote out some things experiences where I had let precise moments slip by without enjoying them like I should have. Below are three of the biggest ideas or thoughts that had the most impact. I'm writing them word for word out of my notebook.
1. I must alway's remember that I have everything I need to enjoy life right now--unless I am letting my consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the dead past or the imagined future.
2. I take full responsability here and now for everything I experience, for it is my own programming that creates my actions and also influences the reactions of people around me.
3. I accept myself completely here and now and consciously experience everything I feel, think, say, and do (including my emotion-backed addictions) as a necessary part of my growth into higher consciousness.
Like I said it was a beautiful experience. I spot beauty in everything now. I can see where I couldn't before, and let me tell you it is amazing. My friends came over and talked to me later in the night, and I shared with them what I had experienced. We all set and hugged and cried (they got a much more detailed story, 3 hours worth). I explained to them that it felt like I had been set free from the presures of the world. We all went home that night with big smiles, but for me that night still hasn't ended. I channel that amazing pure love into my life daily. Weather i'm on a good pill, or a bad pill or no pill at all. I don't really use e that much anymore. I probably drop once every month or two, cause it's fun to roll and dance and bond. Plus I love first time rollers, I love to see their eyes when they first start to feel it. If you ever get a chance, study the eyes of first time roller's, it's beautiful. Though beanies remain a part of my life, it's no longer the most important thing (like it used to be). I'm sure there are people reading who have even moved past this on to other more amazing this. So if you haven't made it this far yet, I hope with all of my heart that you can, i mean it i so hope for everyone to get this. Also if you've moved past this, keep moving and never get caught up in using the pleasure as selfishness, selfishness is the worst side effect i've seen with this drug. Understand that you are lucky and blessed to have these wonderful experiences, and give love away every second of your life. Give, Give, Give, Give, Give I can't stress it enough.
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