Citation: DonetS. "Submitting to Permanent Insanity: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (15x extract) & Cannabis (exp45805)". Erowid.org. Sep 16, 2007. erowid.org/exp/45805
I've smoked salvia four times now, but the latest time was definitely my most vivid experience, and I felt compelled to share it. It went as follows:
Three friends and I sit in a dark field by my house and smoke a bongload of weed. Then, the bong is repacked with 15X extract over weed to keep it from falling through the bowl. I hit it second, and take a huge one. I lie back and hold the hit for about 40 seconds until my body, independent from my will, exhales it.
Next thing I remember I'm a field of matter that seems to be cut out of random images created in my mind. They look like some bizarre modern art. This is a replacement of my body, though I don't realize it. I'm attached to the field I'm lying in. I know something is unusual, and I try to figure out what. I keep almost figuring out that I'm with other people, but everytime this happens, my conciousness is whipped backwards. I feel like something is trying to thrash the life out of me. I try to resist, and all of a sudden my body can be felt. It feels like it's asleep all over. I squeeze my fingers and they dissolve.
It's impossible to tell what I am, as I'm connected to everything I see, and what I see is all fucked up. Everything is moving back and forth in a sinister way. The feeling that my body is everything around me freaks me out, and I stand up to prove I can. Of course the energy comes with me. My body is terribly uncomfortable and I start walking home. I cannot figure out what has happened to me, even though I know I smoked salvia.
The grass rubbing up against my legs become me, like the roots of a tree. I feel vaguely like a tree, more like I am the vibes or energy of one. I spot the lights of my house and start running. As soon as the lights are on I can see the physical world I have been missing for the past 15 minutes, but since I am a tree, this feeling freaks me out, and I imagine explaining to my father that I am the energy of a tree, and apologizing for having done this to myself. As I walk on my porch I notice my conciousness creating images of candycanes and similar objects, and as these form, I become/am them.
This doesn't seem to affect my ability to open the door or my refrigerator as I pour myself a glass of orange juice. I can barely feel myself drinking the stuff, all I can feel is a crisscrossing DNA-strand-type-item that my body has become. There's more void than matter though. At the same time I can see the real world, and this doesn't seem strange to me. I feel insane. I imagine telling my friends and family that I'm insane and it feels terrible. At this point I realize I must be paranoid from the weed, which is a comfort to me.
The voice I hear in my head when I think is a huge presence all through the trip. I can see the words, they seem to be cut out of marble on either side of me. Everything is moving, and the words shape the two-dimensional landscape that my body becomes. I ache all over, and go sit in my car with my three friends. They aren't tripping anymore, and all I can manage is 'I'm tripping balls,' 'This sucks,' 'I'm going to bed.' They go pack a bowl of weed and drive home.
The thought of weed disgusts me, and all I want is my body back. By now I've been tripping for half an hour, and everyone I've ever talked to about salvia has agreed it only lasts five to ten minutes or so. My thoughts for the next few minutes as I head up to bed are 'I've gone done it now.' I thought I had failed life. I tried breaking out of my insanity, and felt much too weak to do so. I imagined that until I gathered the strength to wrench myself back to normalcy, I'd be a lunatic. I felt stuck on the other side, as if something was preventing me from gathering that needed strength. It was terrible.
I thought of taking a shower and dismissed that idea, because, fuck it, energy fields don't need showers. I lay down and merged with the sheets. There was no comfort in lying down, because my body was secondary, and part of the landscape in my mind. I figured I'd make the most of being crazy, and put on fusion guitarist Allan Holdsworth. With the light on I could function, and this was a comfort, realizing I wasn't completely fucked for the rest of my life. As soon as my eyes were closed again I was a mass of steel machinery. My conciousness moved through chambers created by the music. I realized time was flying by, cuz in what felt like a few seconds the CD was over. At this point I realized I was starting to come down, which was a comfort for me, although I had pretty much given up hope, and began to enjoy the idea of permanent insanity.
I put on progressive death metal band Opeth, and settled down. I could clearly see the music in my mind. It looked like a moving mountainous landscape with different colors for different parts. My conciousness was in a void where I was always aware without any perspective. The only indication of my body was the pain created by my knees/bedsheets. At this point I knew that I would come back to reality, and longed for my body. I could step aside now, and think how terrible it was to be in this place. It felt like a writhing two-dimensional jail cell. I imagined being insane in school (this is four days before my senior year of high school), becoming part of a desk, and having nobody around me realize it. I felt like a complete waste. Then I thought of how lazy I am as a human being, and was disgusted. I thought if I ever my body back I'd stop wasting my time. I also warned myself never to smoke salvia again. As I was coming down, I felt as though my whole body and mind were asleep, but I was somehow conscious anyway.
About an hour and a half after the beginning of my trip, I realized I was in my body again. It was an awfully nice feeling. That was last night. Today I am still relieved to be sober, and have no desire to revisit the sinister dimension I was subjected to last night.
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