Citation: Colleen. "My Curiously Strange Enlightenment: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp45765)". Erowid.org. Apr 13, 2006. erowid.org/exp/45765
This is the story of my curiously strange enlightenment. Before sitting down to smoke I did some ritual cleansing work. I took a warm shower and cleansed myself with lavendar oils to calm my mind. After the shower I smudged my apartment with white sage to clean out any negative energy. I then sad at my alter and burned some mugwort with the sage, wafting it over my body. Mugwort is good for astral projection and dream states. I meditated for about an hour on my intent, holding two different crystals for spiritual growth (citrine and sodalite) and tried to clear my mind of negative thought. My intent was to become one with the universe, and to see the beauty of all of it coming together. I repeated this thought as a mantra until I was ready for my journey. I waited three years to do this, and I knew salvia would call upon me when the time was right. Today the time was right. May 22, 2005
I had smoked a full bowl of weed prior to doing the cleansing ritual. About an hour had passed when I finally sat down to smoke the salvia, and the marijuana was still affecting me. I think it helped me with the nervous anticipation of doing this for the first time. 11:52-This was the last time I looked at the clock before turning it around away from sight, and sitting down for the first tokes. I debated on playing music, but decided to follow full instructions of a “dark, quiet, comfortable” space. I sat on my bed with pillows around me. It was a typical blinds drawn nighttime dark with the exception of two candles lit in the corner. I loaded a pinch in my bong. I had forgotten that I had screens, so instead I made a cradle out of a piece of rolling paper. I didn’t want to suck the salvia clean through before getting the full hit.
I took a couple of strained hits and held them in as long as I could; maybe 10-15 seconds. I wanted to take a good draw of smoke, but was also starting with a regular lighter (instead of a torch) for fear of having it hit too hard too fast. It was dark, but I was able to see that I was not taking in or letting out much smoke. I realized the bowl was empty. I knew breathing in too much oxygen between hits could diminish my experience, so for the next minute or so I tried not to breathe.
During this time, I got up to turn on the light, knowing I still had screens somewhere. I wanted to get this done quickly, but already began feeling the effects. Things were altered as this point, and I felt as though I had done nitrous oxide… floaty and dreamy. I was able to get off my bed and walk over to turn on the light. I felt unlike myself, but not in a bad way… kind of heavy, like waking up half asleep to pee while still being quite lucid. I found a screen, and loaded a full bowl (probably too much) quickly ran over to turn the light off and sat back down. I could feel the two previous hits taking a stronger hold on me. I was ready to try it full force.
Then I used the butane torch lighter to draw a huge and deep third hit. I took the long draw out of it, smoking the whole amount, and I watched it burn in the bowl in a curiously strong glowing orange color that seemed an exaggeration of the color orange. I’m not sure how long I held the smoke for, but I know the torch lighter made all the difference than the previous two hits. I think I pulled the stem and cleared the chamber… then that is when things got weird. After the third hit (or entire bowl), the last thing in my perception visually was me holding the bong and looking at it, there was a blue soft light like a glowing dot next to the bong. The blue dot got brighter, and I managed to put the bong down. I remember poking the bowl with my finger to make sure the salvia was not burning, so I wouldn’t cause a fire. I read many reports on how fast the come on was, but nothing can prepare you for how fast reality changes. It hit me like lightning and unless you’ve experienced this, it may be hard to understand my description at this point.
In the past when I have done hallucinogens, I always look at my hands first to gauge how it is going. Without thinking I looked at my hands, but I knew that this was not LSD or mushrooms. As soon as I first felt salvia coming on, I knew this was something new and very different from anything I experienced in the past. Before completely leaving my known reality, I had some time confusion and saw two sets of my own hands. In my left field of vision, I saw myself holding the bong getting ready to place it down. In my right side field of vision, I remember looking at my hands, which very suddenly seemed transparent, as though I were a chameleon. Feeling as if I were experiencing two separate moments in time at once, and I became confused and elated. It felt real, not like a drug influenced state. Then very suddenly my body interfused visually with the background of my bed. Almost like the pointillism paintings that are made out of dots of color.
My hands blended into the bed as though being melted or fused into one thing. I became the bed, and the bed became me. I felt as though I was being pulled deep into something by a force beyond my control. I remember putting my hand up to my face covering my mouth in complete awe of what was happening. Then there was a moment of total void or blackout; an extended blink if you will. Suddenly I was somewhere else, somewhere I had never been and could have never imagined.
The fact that it was dark and quiet actually proved to be too much, and looking back, I realize I needed a sitter. This is where my memory gets fuzzy, and I question if the dose I took was too high. It was too late because my awareness was now in a new reality. I remember it felt like there was no real sense of time, and it seemed like I was in a life on fast forward, not sure if it was mine or this life, or one of my previous lives. I had a complete sensory overload. I was too confused (due to the high dose) to really articulate the next few moments. I know I forgot that I had smoked salvia, but I did think that something unique had just happened. The salvia reality had replaced my previous reality. My mind quickly wondered off track. I remember hearing giggling, not sure if it was my own. My ego was slowly dying. It became dark, a slippery fluid darkness, and I looked down and everything was gone. My entire apartment, including my physical self disappeared. Below me was a spinning darkness going clockwise. I felt vibrations and heard a distant rumbling throughout the duration of my peak. I looked up from the spinning darkness (I don't remember if my eyes were open or closed) and it seemed like I was looking up at infinity of colors geometrically shaped and fusing together. There was no individual thought or feeling, because all my ways of perceiving the world through my five senses had fused into one sense of consciousness… awareness, unity and oneness.
I began hearing a “whoosh” sound. It “felt” windy as though I were at the center of a strong vortex. I then saw the swirling blackness beneath me start to pull and stretch in pointed pillars soaring up, moving counter clockwise and wrapping tighter around me from right to left. Things seemed to expand and contract while the huge pieces of shiny black fabric fanned and folded around me. The colors behind the black veil of void were amazing, and I had a strange feeling there were others “out there”. I think I experienced the presence of a guide that I cannot visually describe. But I was being told to follow past the void and into the puzzle of color. The entity or guide soon disappeared between two of the huge pillars, and I was left alone in a complete void.
I think I needed a sitter, because I got so scared of being alone. I think panic brought me back to a vague, and lucid point of awareness of being in my apartment. Moment’s prior to this, the last thing I remember was feeling a presence outside of the blackness that was closed around me. I felt the presence of people or children of some sort, maybe fairies. As soon as the last layer of void and nothingness was zipped around me and there was no color left, I worried about how I was going to get out. I even wondered if I went insane, or if I had overdosed and died. My body apparently got up off the bed, but I couldn’t feel myself doing it, I was just doing it. I unlocked my door and as soon as I opened it, the light totally brought me back to a point where I knew that I had not died. (Because for a moment, it did feel like an experience of death and a possible rebirth of my soul).
I went over to my neighbors because, I needed to confirm that I in fact did exist again. He knew I was going to be doing this, and said if I needed him to come over. At this point, I was still pretty lost, but things were very geometric and very slowly becoming clear. I almost had no clue what to do when he opened his door. I was able to ask him, “Are you alright?” but in my minds eye it was he asking me if I were OK. I did not hear myself say this to him, but he told me afterward. He also told me that I immediatly turned to walk back to my apartment. Of course, he followed, knowing I was still under salvia’s influence.
I tried to explain to him how I was feeling and how it got really dark. How I felt lost like I had been away for a very long time. How I was afraid I wouldn’t get out and needed to see him. This is when he noticed that I had peed myself, and the spot where I sat on the bed was saturated with pee. I really do not remember doing it. As he sat on my floor the entire intensity of the feeling, the visual and the memory of him sitting there talking to me, wearing the clothes he was wearing seemed so unbelievably familiar. As though during my salvia journey I already knew how it was going to end. Call it de java or whatever you want but I felt I had experienced that aspect of my trip before. At that point I even told him that all of this had already happened in my head, and that me telling him was something I knew was going to happen as well. It was a very intense clairvoyant moment for me. I finally turned the clock around and was shocked that it was only 12:07am. I did not believe that it had only been about 15 minuets, but because my sense of time and space were non-existent, I would have been convinced that I had been gone an eternity.
It was strange to have these strips of darkness curl around me, zipping up almost cradling me, but putting me in a dark space that I was not ready for, in the sense that I tried to convince myself to control it as best as I could. You cant control salvia, because she has the power of the universe at her disposal. One is left to experience and process in the afterglow. This is not a drug, but a powerful spiritual tool that should not be taken lightly. There was a strange comfort in my journey. I don’t think I lost control in a bad way, but I did pee myself, and my friend told me I had ash on my face from where I had checked the bowl and then became awestruck. He said I looked a little scared and somewhat blank faced.
I want to do it again, but I’m going to wait until, I am ready. Because it really felt, like I was not myself anymore but I was everything and everything was I. I look forward to doing it a second time, so I can be a little more secure in knowing what to expect and what not to do, and what to do right. With as much effort I did into cleansing myself, my apartment, and my spirit, I cant help but feel like I did something wrong, because I should not have peed myself, and I should have a better, and more vivid memory of what happened for those 5-10 min. of my consciousness. I will read up on other experiences to find some similarities and differences, and I will totally do a bit more research before attempting this again.
I have to say though; I am very happy and overwhelmed at the whole thing. I have no true answer as to what happened to me. I only know what I experienced. I think salvia brings you to the core of the collective memory. Not only the memory of this life, but all lives past/present and maybe the future. I became all and nothing at the same time. A fundamental sense of UNITY is now my reality. I can never be sure, but the comfort of knowing others have tried this divination tool, and have had powerful insights to life, brings me a sense of peace. I’m glad I did it because it changed my life. My perceptions of the universe had a tune up, and I can see energy all around me. Salvia gave me the strength to trust in myself, and in my own consciousness. Reality is what we make of it, and taking salvia was a rebirth of my soul.
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