Citation: Ghettotastic_bong. "Finding Something Within: An Experience with 2C-T-FM, 2C-I & Various (exp45416)". Erowid.org. Nov 29, 2005. erowid.org/exp/45416
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 0:00
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| T+ 5:00
||Pharms - Clonazepam
||(pill / tablet)
I've tried this fairly unknown new research chemical a few other times (with oral doses of 4 and 5mg respectively), which produced a mild ++ buzz peppered with obscene amount of laughter and slight visuals. It was shallow, but quite a bit of fun. It's definitely a PEA, with a fairly twisting mindfuck and mood life, but none of these previous experiences could prepare me for what would happen.
I should note, the doses of 2c-tfm are estimated. Due to receiving a contaminated batch of 2c-tfm which contained a large percentage of 2c-I (4x% 2c-tfm, 4x% 2c-I, and the rest being a mix of various other research chemicals). A capsule was weighed out to 10mg of this substance, however, the dose of 2c-tfm consumed would have been significantly lower. the 5mg figure in the title is an approximation
Anyway, on to the trip report:
0:00 - The capsule is plugged, there are no instant reactions
0:10 - There's a slight burning present, but it's in no way severe or unbearable. Certaintly not the 'fire up the ass' feeling that drugs such as DXM are known to cause.
0:30 - I'm talking with people online with little signs of a comeup. There are slight visual tracers, and the conversations I'm getting involved with are atypically deep and involved, but nothing yet.
1:00-1:15 - I can't capture the exact moment as to when the chemical took hold, but it was suprisingly sudden. I'm trying to engage sober people in conversation, and clearly some gaps are existing. I'm definitely quickly ascending to a +++. Visuals are most definitely present, but consist primarily of tracers and seeing tessellations form in various objects. Now, it becomes time to unveil the central object of the trip.
Animal collective, a group of psychedelic folk musicans from new york have been a favorite band of mine for some time. Their music is a combination of almost tribal vocal chant, overlayed with the subtle plucking of acoustic instruments, creating beautiful and fragile songs filled with psychedelic mantras and the inanities of life. Earlier the day of this trip, their latest album, feels, leaked unexpectedly, providing a focus point for this trip.
1:30-2:00 - Now is the time of psychedelic catharsis. I turned off all of my outputs to the world around me, and begin blasting the music. Almost instantly, I was dancing uncontrollably, pounding tables or whatever else I could find, chanting loudly alongside the music. Perhaps it's merely due to the inspiring musician I strive to be, but I was most definitely captured by music in a way far more intense than what I was accustomed to.
2:00-2:30 - As the album shifted in tone during its second half from a noise rock parade to a much more subdued, campfire-esque sound, a change in setting was required. I somehow wandered back to my computer and started exploring the archives of the hubble telescope images. With a little bit of skill comprehending the way the URL's are constructed, I was able to find a wide array of pictures from a single link.
I must have gazed into one particular image for hours, eyes wide and jaw dropped in amazement. The sheer number of stars visible on that picture was absolutely mind bending, and the realization that it's only a tiny fraction of the universe gave me an immense prospective of the size and scope of our civilization. That, I am but one human on a planet filled with 6 billion other human lives, floating in a universe containing countless stars, planets and other astral bodies. And yet, through some strange development of chaos theory (the result of the actions of billions of others before me), I'm in a state of total awareness of this, due to ingesting a relatively unknown psychoactive chemical aquired through a means I would have deemed ridiculous years ago. The overwhelming complex chain of events which produced this experience was absolutely hilarious.
At this point, I fell into a mindset of which I'd never quite experienced from any previous psychedelic. It was if I had occupied a shell of my former self, becoming almost child-like and innocent. There was a suprisingly conscious feeling of clearly not being myself. I felt unburdened by the reins of society, the feeling of what I 'should' be doing. In a way, 2c-tfm proved to a freedom from myself above all else. This quite quite a profound moment, perhaps a ++++ according to the shulgin scale.
2:30-3:30 - At this point, I decided to start exploring my room once again, and began to deeply examine several of the paintings that I had created. In a fit of catharsis, I ripped the frame off of my masterpiece, in an attempt to see every last inch of paint on the canvas. Gazing deeply into the painting, one oddity kept drawing my attention. The upper-left corner of this painting simply didn't materialize for some reason, and stands relatively bare in stark contrast to the rest of the painting. I had always written it off as a result of my own inexperience, but as I closely examined this section, I noticed so much detail that I had previously missed.
A wide array of precise and careful brush strokes gave the corner a rich sense of detail and life, one I had previously missed. My mind couldn't help but find a much deeper, metaphorical meaning to this. The painting in itself was a representation of a person, and different parts and designs represented alternate aspects of the human personality. This corner had been the one I spent the most work on initally, but had never taken form. I couldn't help but see this as a parallel for the issue of human insecurities. Ultimately, we can spend so much time internally trying to create a detailed and beautiful nothingness of our own problems as opposed to merely starting over with a blank canvas. It's a flawed analogy, no doubt, but I can't help but find quite a bit of meaning to it. definitely another sort of ++++ experience.
I'm also having a lot of thoughts about the purpose of the psychedelic experience. Clearly, I had been exposed to a sense of beauty that I didn't even know was possible, but I couldn't help but wonder how that would effect anything, outside of the night. I eventually decide that any wisdom I gain in this state is only secondary to the exploration. 2c-tfm is a very fun and meaningful drug, and while I have a better sense of myself and the world around me, I can't help but wonder if it will affect anything.
4:00 - At this point, things began to become a bit more cognitive of the world around me, and I returned to my computer, trying to engage others in conversation. My suspicion is that 2c-tfm is actually quite short lasting when taken rectally (Oral doses seem to have at least an extra hour, maybe an hour and a half of hard tripping), and the 2c-I inside of these capsules prolonged the trip much longer. At this point, I decide it's time to chill out, so a playlist of random post-rock/ambient band was put together to go along for the rest of the night. I also discover that visualizers are quite a poor match for this drug. They're overwhelming to the point that I was unable to really comprehend or enjoy them, but instead, could only stare blankly at the flashing array of colors before me.
4:15 - I start to feel a mild headache rising. This seems to be a sign to me that the 2c-tfm is starting to leave, and the trip is predominantly 2c-I oriented. Also, the laughter and euphoria which accompanied the TFM is slowly starting to slip away.
5:00 - 1mg of klonopin is taken sublingually (They just taste too minty-fresh to swallow down right away)
5:15 - Paradoxically, the klonopin seems to have caused the trip to rise up once again.
5:30 - I leave my computer, and through random encounter, find a spider in my house. Normally, I'm subject to an irrational phobia of insects, but I found myself strangely fascinated by this one. I slowly watch it weave a web, in utter awe. Then, I decided it would be interesting to try and explore and understand the psychology of spiders. So, with a q-tip, and a roll of somewhat sticky tape, I started to prod in the general direction of the spider, watching it become quickly overwhelmed by the stimulus I'm providing.
I couldn't help but see this as another metaphor about how many people approach their life. Just as soon as unknown stimulus enters their life (A situation that they don't understand), a burst of irrational action follows. Instead of calmly evaluating the situation, they feel threatened, and will do whatever they possibly can to save themselves.
6:00 - After returning online to talk to some friends for a bit longer, I decide it's time to go to bed, but sleep does not come easily. Many hours are spent in bed contemplating the nature of life and the world around us. The decisions that we make leading us to where we are now, and the future that it creates through chaos theory.
While I'm somewhat experienced with psychedelics in general, and have tried 2c-tfm on multiple occasions, never before have I had such a single penetrating psychedelic experience. Emotionally and psychologically, it was if I was stripped down to a bare level, where I clearly wasn't quite myself anymore (It seems the preferred psychedelic term for this is ego loss). Regardless, this research chemical has far more depth that I initially suspected, and I'm definitely going to cherish this one for some time.
I think it would be most fitting to end this report with a poem I wrote while on the substance:
Dance, little star
Dance in the twilight
Undismayed by telescopic flaws
Someone is watching what you are
This trillionth of a percent of universal existence
All over in the blink of a lifetime
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