I Cannot Believe This Is Happening....
Citation: Mighty Bop. "I Cannot Believe This Is Happening....: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp44307)". Erowid.org. Apr 11, 2006. erowid.org/exp/44307
Well, the last time I had tripped it was over a year ago. I live in Austin, Texas and about an hour and a half north is Enchanted Rock State Park. This is one of my favorite places to visit, tripping or sober. Enchanted Rock is a batholith (a great mass of intruded igneous -- in this case granite -- rock that for the most part stopped in its rise a considerable distance below the surface). In other words, it's a really big round rock sticking out of the ground. There are other smaller ones surrounding it but ER is the main one. I decided I would again consume the sacred mushrooms at this sacred place. Tonkawa Indians believed the rock was enchanted, hence the name. Anyways, enough of the history lesson.
I had been wanting to go for awhile and wanted my friend Eddie to go but he is attending summer school and could not go. So I was going solo. That was ok, I have done it before. The previous night, I made a small list of the things I wanted to bring. MP3 player, notebook and pencil, food, water, camera. The next day I got up early and drove around looking for a replacement bladder for my camelbak. I ended up just buying a new one for $30. Then I went to my parents to get the camera and tell them where I was going, etc. Then I was off. 5 minutes down the road my car started overheating, so I had to get my dad to bring me some water for the radiator. No big deal. I was off again. I stopped at a grocery store that is on the way out there for food and drinks. After I was back on the road I realized I didn't get any OJ, which I usually drink when I eat shrooms. Further down the road I stopped at a convenience store and got some OJ and AA batteries for the camera.
It was a really nice day outside and really hot as well, probably one of the reasons no one wanted to go out there with me. It was about 11:30am when I pulled up to the entrance. I got out and went inside the visitor's center to pay the $5 for a day permit. I asked the ranger if there were anymore caves besides the main one that everyone went in. He pointed out to me it was not really a cave (which I already knew), that it was a crack between boulders. He said no but there were plenty of other cracks to crawl around in. Dang it! I wanted to check out some other caves. So I got back in the car and drove to a parking space in the shade. Opened the trunk and got the shrooms out, which were in an envelope. These were homegrown shrooms, Malabar strain, 5 grams weighed out. I took out my OJ and began eating and washing them down. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the taste. But I got them all down after 5 minutes or so. By the way all I had to eat/drink this day was a glass of grape juice at my parents. After this I got everything together that I was bringing with me. I didn't want to be weighed down with a lot of stuff but I couldn't help it. I had cargo shorts on which carried everything nicely. I realized as I began walking that I didn't put any sunscreen on and I would probably get burnt (which I did). I thought 'Oh well' and kept going.
A quick stop at the bathroom and then I began walking up the rock. About 1/3 of the way up is rather easy, but then you hit the actual rock, which becomes steep, and you get a real good workout. I was taking pictures of things as I went up, even a rock which looked like a shroom (many of those up there). Halfway up, a guy with his family offered to take a picture of me, which was nice of them. I finally got to the top, where some people were. A kid ran up to me asking what was the best way to get down, and I yelled over to some lady he was with the right way. Then I walked over to a tree and took a picture of myself with the timer. It was at this time I began to feel the trip coming on and I figured I should go lay down somewhere. It had been about 25 minutes or so since I dosed. I found a spot off on one side of the rock and lay down where I had a good view of the countryside.
I just layed there watching the clouds and the landscape waiting for the trip to get going, which it did. As it got more intense, I would have waves of nausea that would go away pretty fast. All the trees miles away were moving and morphing and when I looked up at the clouds they would morph and disappear right before my eyes! One cloud that I watched for about 10 minutes looked like it was about 50 feet above me. It was thick and white and then eventually disappeared into thin air. It was pretty cool. I began taking pictures of the clouds and the landscape and kept saying to myself 'This is unbelievable' and 'There is a God' and 'I can't believe this', in reference to how gorgeous it was out there. Over and over I kept saying these things. I also watched these vultures that would just glide through the air, looking around for food I guess. It was awesome just watching them glide. It was almost as if I was doing it myself! Some of them came pretty close, and I believe I got some on video. I also began talking to myself saying things like 'Is this possible?' and 'This is impossible', referring to what was going on (me tripping so hard on this beautiful day).
Then I remember laying back and thinking about things like this guy I know calling me an idiot in an email. At the time I thought he was serious but now I realize he wasn't, he was just playing around. I hadn't spoken with or been around him in awhile so I forgot how he is. I thought about that for awhile and then began thinking about my parents' dog Pubs. I actually remember saying his name a couple times, as if he would hear me. I began giggling here and there for no reason. Probably because how awesome of a time I was having. I also thought about my family, my friends and everyone I know and how great it is to be alive. I kept thinking about these things and never actually got around to writing any of them down (I'm sure I left out many details). I also didn't remember to listen to my MP3 player. I had Anugama - Shamanic Dream on it, a 30-minute song which is awesome. I remember now that I was thinking I was in the 4th dimension, the 11th dimension, all this stuff which didn't make sense, but did at the same time. It was so weird. I kept thinking about things like this, every once in awhile taking sips of the gatorade in my camelbak.
I was laying on my back with the sun beating down on me and no sunscreen. It was probably around 95 degrees out there. I would also hear sounds behind me like people, but they were far off and I was out of view. I actually remember seeing a couple people behind and to the left of me, but they left after awhile. I also began to hear echoes from everything. I also remember hearing this constant buzzing or noise that sounded like it had some kind of rhythm, it's hard to describe, but it was with me throughout the whole trip. So, after awhile, I realized that my gatorade was gone and who knows how long I had been laying out there in the burning sun, so I thought I would get up. Bad idea, sat down again. I don't know if I was dizzy or what but I was tripping really, really hard. I think I thought I was gonna throw up, but never did. I just squatted there looking at the countryside. I layed down again, but I think I didn't like it. I began asking myself 'Do I like this?' and 'I'm not sure if I like this!' and I couldn't get comfortable. I kept sitting up, laying down, trying to stand up, then sitting down again. I didn't know what to do. I decided I should try and get up and walk around, thinking that would help. But it didn't, and I had to sit down again. This was turning bad.
I started walking away from my spot and began thinking 'What am I doing? What am I doing here? Where am I going? What am I supposed to be doing?' It was at this point I lost my mind, literally. I lost all touch with reality, even though I could see the sky, the ground and trees. I began stumbing around, not knowing where I was going. I had never, EVER felt that way before. It was so uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I really did not like it at all. I had no idea what was going on and where I was. I was totally out of it. I am sure I took too many on an empty stomach. I remember sitting down, then getting back up and trying to walk around. I had to start walking. If anyone saw me they really would have thought I was insane. I still cannot explain what it was like. I want to say it was like hell, but more of a hell because of not knowing what was going on. I remember thinking 'I have really gone crazy. Yep I finally did it.' I was seeing everything fine but it wasn't registering in my mind. I was stumbling around like I was drunk and didn't know why. I think I forgot I had taken the shrooms. Or did I? I may have even told myself it will all be over soon. I started walking one way, but I would never get anywhere, even though I saw myself and things moving, so I turned around. I began walking away and it got a little better, but a lot more weird....
I started walking down the side of the rock because I had to take a leak and I thought if I did that I would at least know that I was human. So after a little while I made sure no one was around and took a leak. Ahhhh that feels better. Wait a minute, no one was around. No one was around! I lost it again. All of a sudden I realized what had happened. I, along with everyone else was in the 4th dimension! This was reality now and I was out here when it happened. I didn't know if it was true or not and I had to talk to someone about it, to see if it really was true. For some reason I thought that if I wanted a million dollars I could have it instantly or if I wanted to talk to Tom Cruise, what was stopping me? Time and space didn't matter in the 4th dimension. Everything Terence McKenna had said was coming true (even though he may or may not have said anything remotely familiar with the way I was thinking). I kept thinking that I could not believe this was really happening. I just could not believe this was reality. But it was. I was there thinking it and there I was. It was like a lucid dream I believe. I was between the crack, like Don Juan had been telling Carlos Casteneda about.
Then I had some doubts and realized I needed some kind of confirmation because I was really losing it. I began thinking my whole life lead to this. This was what it was all about. How did I not know this before? Everything was a projection of my own mind. An illusion I created for myself, and being all alone on top of that rock, it all came together more than ever. I took out my car key so I would have some connection to reality. I began to think I was the last person on earth and what the hell was I gonna do now? My mind was definitely playing tricks on me.... I started walking down the rock all the way to the bottom and realized how hot it was and that I was out of water and I might die. I started getting scared and sped up, jumping down off ledges I maybe shouldn't have been jumping off of. Good thing I made it. I stopped under a rock to get some shade and reverted back to the way I was thinking before. I realized this was reality now and I was out in the wilderness and had to survive like this. It was almost as if I was transported back in time and had to survive now. Everything looked so weird. All the trees and rocks. It was like I was on an alien planet. I wouldn't have been surprised if I saw a dinosaur right around the corner.
I decided I needed to get back to my car, back to reality. If I could get on the phone I could talk to someone about what was going on and if we were really in the 4th dimension. I just could not believe this was happening. I kept saying that to myself over and over. I also couldn't believe I didn't see anyone around, which really made me think I was in another dimension. It also made me think I was the last person on earth. I began to get lost as well. I was climbing over rocks and barely knew where I was. Everything looked the same. I knew I was going down, which was better than up, so that was a good thing. I finally came to a clearing where this creek is, which looked familiar, but it wasn't registering. I began to think if I didn't get back to my car something bad might happen, like me dying from heat exhaustion or dehydration. I began walking up and down this rocky creekbed not knowing where to go. I could not get across the creek. There were tall weeds blocking the way. I began thinking I might need to drink some of that creek water if I needed to since I was on this alien planet with dinosaurs around. But I didn't drink the water thank God. I saw a house and powerlines and wondered if I should just go over there and ask for help. I began losing it again.
I began looking at my car key and saying 'Honda Accord' so I knew I was still human and had a thing called a car. I'm not sure why I didn't look at my wallet. That may have helped more. I finally saw a trail and got on it. Walking down the trail my only concern was to get back and get water and I would be ok. Just get to my car and relax. I thought 'I'm not dead and I'm still walking around, so that's good, I guess we're not in the 4th dimension yet'. Even so, when I got back to familiar ground I saw some people eating at a picnic table and I almost walked up to them and started talking about how things are going in the 4th dimension, how they liked it, etc. I'm glad I didn't and kept walking. I crossed the creek again and made it to the bathrooms where I found a water fountain. I got a drink then went inside to put water on my face. My hair looked crazy, I was drenched in sweat, and was really burnt by the sun. My pupils were huge. I got out of there and headed back towards my car. I noticed the ranger in his truck coming down the road my way. I thought 'Yep. They know. It's over. Oh well.' I walked towards my car and got in.
I must have looked pretty crazy because the ranger drove around behind my car then back to the visitor's center. I'm sure he was just driving around, not necessarily looking at me. He probably noticed how I was drenched in sweat, etc. I got in my car and felt a little better, but paranoid that people were looking at me. My car is kinda old and it was looking really old now. I thought people must have thought I was definitely doing something wrong because anyone with an old car like that with no AC must be doing something wrong. This makes absolutely no sense but this was what I was thinking at the time. I was still really hot and just trying to cool down. After awhile I began coming down and realized everything would be alright. It was still hot though. I drank some of the hot gatorade in my car. I kept thinking again 'I can't believe what happened to me' over and over. I really believed I was in another dimension and time ceased to exist. I'm sure the heat and lack of water intensified the trip somehow. I really could have died if I didn't get back in time. So I just sat in my car for awhile, chilling out, waiting to come down to a manageable state. I ate some food, took some more pictures and video, and tried to rest. Kids in school buses and vans started coming in and I took some pictures.
Then a car pulled up next to me so I decided to go to another parking spot. I got out and went to a water fountain and drank a lot of water, trying to make sense of what happened to me up on the rock. It was unbelievable. I then walked to the visitor's station to look at their shirts and stuff and ended up getting some postcards. The ranger inside probably thought I was high on something. Finally I got back to my car and decided it was time to leave, It had been about 5 and a half hours since I dosed.
This was probably the most intense trip on shrooms I have EVER had. I don't think I have had 5 grams before on an empty stomach. In addition to the heat and lack of water as well. 5 grams might have been too much in this situation. I will never forget the feeling of losing my mind. It is undescribable. Not a pleasant feeling at all. Total loss of reality, yet trying to grasp it at the same time. Totally unreal. Well, what I learned from this trip was not to do such a large dose by myself in the middle of the day in the summer. I think the heat was a huge factor. Before I started worrying about dying, I had a great time looking at the clouds and thinking about things.
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