Citation: Nate. "I Poured My Soul Out to a Dog: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp43795)". Erowid.org. Sep 10, 2008. erowid.org/exp/43795
||(pill / tablet)
I am writing this report the day after rolling, which was Friday, June 11th, 2005. I choose to write this now as the memory is still very fresh on mind.
It all started at midnight. My best friends had called me and they were going to roll that night, and really wanted me to do it with them. I had a 'blue dolphin' pill which I had bought while in a house club for $20. The general rule is the more you pay, the more likely you are to get the real thing, and not some dirty pill. I got picked up around 12.30AM, and while in the car, I took my bean with some water, and said, 'And so it begins. And so it begins.' They had already taken their tablets and said they were feeling really good right then.
As we arrive at my friend's apartment, I got out of the car, and got an unusually strong headrush, and was a bit dizzy walking to the door with blanket, strobe light, and bag full of glowsticks, strings, and cd's. It was 5 of us. 2 guys, and 3 girls. I immediately turned on the radio, as in Tampa, there are underground hard house radio shows on Friday's and Saturday nights, that play really amazing music specially for blowing up. When the show's only MC says every 30 minutes in a very very deep electronic voice, 'The X Factory, Rooollllllllsssssszzzz, on [radio frequency #]'.
So, I set up the strobe, get the glowsticks ready, get the water ready, and the music going, we all go out for a smoke. I don't smoke so I just went out with them. It was about 30-45 minutes after I took my blue dolphin, and the feeling was gradually building up, but as of then, I really only had a buzz. But, the cigarette smoke launched me into an overwhelming feeling. A rush hit me, everything began to feel really really good. Breathing was great in itself!! It had hit, and I was vocal about it. 'Guys, it's hit me. Its f***in hit me. Oh my god. This feels soooo good. I can't stand up anymore, I'm going inside.'
I stumbled inside and laid on a blanket. Then one of the girls laid down next to me, and we began to touch each other everywhere. But, it was nothing sexual for me. I wasn't turned on at all. I just had to touch. And I had to be touched back. Everything felt so good. It was almost like an orgy in a way, but non-sexual for me at least. I very rarely get horny on X. My other friend(girl) joined us, and they weren't touching each other, but one was touching me, and I was touching both of them.
Unfortunately, everybody except me took a dirty pill. So, at most, they felt good, and relaxed, but were way below the level I was at. There was a tropical storm Arlene going by us and it was raining outside. They wanted to go to a jacuzzi, and they begged me to go with them. I was in the most strongest part of my ecstacy, and I begged them not to go. I was NOT going to get wet. I didn't want to get wet. I didn't want to leave the apartment. So, I told them to go and I would stay.
When they left, I knew I should start drinking water every 15 minutes. One sip, one spit, one sip. When I was done, the music grabbed control of me, and I couldn't sit back down. I had to express myself. I grabbed some glowsticks and began dancing to trance and hardhouse. Nothing heavy, I was just moving rythmically to music, and doing liquid (one stick follows the other). I was also pacing up and down the studio apartment. I took my shirt off, and began rubbing my body against the wall and walking along it, while at the same time moving rythmically to the music with the glowsticks. It felt so good. AMAZING is all I can say. It was better than anything I had ever tried or experienced before in my life. Alcohol, Weed, Coke, Shrooms, this was 100% better than all of them combined. I was by myself and having the time of my life. The best night of my life.
There was a dog there. I poured out my soul to that dog. About a lot of things. My frustration with my parents, and the my feelings of being held in a prison at home, even though I was 18, my mum was still trying to run the day-to-day aspects of my life, like my job and things that really aren't anybodies business but my own. I especially vented at the fact that my mum talked to my boss and told my boss that I wanted more hours. 'Yo dog, I said, if I want more f***in hour, I'll ask my own f***in boss my own damn self. DAMN.'
I stood in front of the strobe light and looked at the floor, I moved the glowsticks around my eyes which made me stumble a lot. I finally grabbed my hair and moved side-to-side to the music, with my eyes rolled back in head (that's why they call it rolling), and I was like that until my friends came back 15 minutes later, and as they were practically sober, they laughed at me, but I didn't care. I still loved them. I wanted to hug them and touch them. I've heard of same-sex touching and feeling while on X, but I never once thought about touching the other dude. Even on X, I wasn't going to act gay-like or anything.
I laid down with one of my friends and I began to touch her everywhere again, and she liked it, but she wasn't blowing up like I was, and so she was just relaxing and enjoying it. It was now 3AM, and I still was going really strong 2.5 hours after first taking my tab. I got up and put in a cd by underground trance producer/DJ San Martin that I bought in a little store in Miami. Real underground trancey tribal stuff. And OH MY GOD, it intensified my rush. That night is the night I learned how to dance to trance. Before, I only listened to it, now for whatever reason, I know how to move my body to it. And move it good. For two hours, I danced, not heavy dancing, but wavy, rythmic, slow movements with glowsticks in my hands. The glowsticks were amazing to look at. Even though I was moving them, the trails they made almost made me fall down a couple times. This with the strobe light in combination and then watching the other dude glowstring, I was in heaven. I was in ecstacy. AMAZING amazing feeling. I did this for two hours.
One of the girls had fallen asleep, and people started lying down and closing their eyes. I was disappointed that they weren't feeling what I was feeling. All throughout the night, I was talkative. Talking talking talking, I couldn't stop. I poured out some feelings to the dog, and I poured out my soul to my best friends. Everything I didn't say, or kept to myself now came out. About people that pissed me off, but I kept to myself, and shit that I wanted to say to some people, but would never, as in, cussing somebody out or telling someone to shut their f***ing mouth but couldn't because it would escalate drama or I was in the classroom. It was 5AM, and I was just talking and talking. 3 of them couldn't sleep and were wide-awake yet tired, and one was asleep. So, I must say, from 5AM - 6.30AM, I think I had the best conversation I've ever had with anyone.
Around 6AM, I was coming down. And coming down hard. My stomach was beginning to bother me. Since I was drinking a lot of water, I was having to use the bathroom every 15 minutes or so and that was making me irritated. I could see it start to get light outside, and I became so disappointed that my night was over. It was over. And I wasn't going to do this for at least another month. I became so sad at that thought. I turned the strobe off because it now was making me feel bad, and I finally laid down, but I was hot, very hot, but I was sweating only a little bit. I put in some deep trance, a Marcus Schultz Miami trance, and that helped me out some. But the other dude wasn't tired at all, so I kept talking to him. I was beginning to feel really bad now. It was 7AM. As the other dude was talking I said, 'Bro, not to offend you, but I can't talk anymore.' Just talking made my stomach feel bad. But I told him to keep talking anyways and that I was listening.
Crashing really sucks. I started seeing hallucinations when I shut my eyes. I play this computer game called Starcraft a lot. And I had played it earlier the day before. When I shut my eyes. The game was playing, and I could see it. I really really did not want to see what I was seeing, and I was really irritated by it. It wasn't until later I was able to finally close my eyes and not see this game playing in my head, and passed out for about 30 minutes. I get up 30 minutes later to pee, and I still have this rush. I'm tired, yet my heart is still beatin rapidly and I'm breathing heavy still. I just wanted it to end. On top of that, my stomach was really quesy. Around 9AM, I just got up and paced back and forth for an hour, bitching about how bad I felt. I felt horrible.
Around 10.30AM, it was time to go home. I was still 50% blowing up but in a bad way. I just wanted it to end. In the car, the wind really calmed me and put me at ease. When I got home, I went straight to my room, but on some Armin Van Buuren trance, and tried to go to sleep. I was at ease that I was finally in my room and my own bed alone. I was still hot so I slept naked without any blankets and the room was 68F. I fell asleep soon after and woke up at 7PM, 3 hours before I wrote this report. I feel much better than before, though I'm fatigued, really chilled out, no appetite, haven't eaten since 9PM yesterday night and I really don't feel like eating.
In conclusion, it was the best experience of my entire life. Never have I ever felt that way, and rarely will I ever will. I let everything out. All my problems, all my thoughts, everything I kept to myself all came out. I feel free'er than ever before. I learned to dance to trance. I learned to just dance. I learned why people take their shirts off in the club. Because I did the same thing early in my high. And lastly, I connected on a much higher level to trance music. It's now on an entirely new level with me. And electronic music in general. I love it. It's my life.
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