Citation: Zini. "Kept Alive By Chocolate Milk: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp43521)". Erowid.org. Sep 8, 2008. erowid.org/exp/43521
||(blotter / tab)
The story that follows is about my very first experience with psychadelics (LSD), it happened about 5 years ago, but since it was such a strong trip I can remember it quite clearly nowadays, in fact, I think Iíll never forget this trip. At the time I was 20 years old, and had been smoking weed for a few years already, so I thought it was time to go to the next level.
Me and a friend were walking towards a club party on a regular Friday night, about 11:30 pm, when I told him I was holding 2 LSD blotters, the ones with Mr. Hoffmann on his bike printed on. After a few minutes trying to talk my friend into taking the blotter (he had never taken it eighter), he finally agreed with me and sometime around midnight we took one whole blotter each. We smoked a thin joint while walking to the club and arrived at the party at 12:15 am (having midnight as T +0:00).
We hung out at the party until 1:30 am when we both decided that we had been fooled and the blotter was a fake, because neither of us was feeling anything different, so we left the club for another walk and another joint. We walked and smoked until we reached a very calm neighborhood, it was sometime around 2 am when my friend and I started laughing like maniacs, uncontrollable laughing, with no reason whatsoever, very amusing. At first we thought the laughter had been produced by the joint, but after some half an hour of continuous laughing we realized a joint just couldnít do all that and figured out that the LSD was starting to take effect.
At this point I decided to go somewhere near my apartment, just to be close to my home in case something wrong happened. During the one hour long walk back to my neighborhood me and my friend laughed and staggered the whole way, it would usually take me less than half an hour to walk that distance, but we took much longer, to any passer by on the street we looked like we were very, very drunk. When we finally reached my neighborhood we sat down on the sidewalk, and leaned back against the front door of some closed shop. At this time I wasnít aware of the time anymore, but I think it was 3:30 am.
Well, from now on things got pretty much out of control. First, I completely forgot that my friend was there with me, I felt like a stranger in my own world, then I started to feel that my body was loosing itís original form, I could stretch my arms to the other side of the street, and actually feel the texture of the wall at the other side on the tip of my fingers. I felt my teeth as if they were gigantic, like beaverís teeth, I felt like I could put my entire arm inside my mouth and feel every tooth with my hand. I donít know if I was actually putting my hand inside my mouth or if this was only a hallucination.
Well, after playing for some time with my stretchable body, I started to worry that if the cops found me laying around on the street in that state-of-mind they would frisk me and interrogate me, so I decided to go hide my last joint behind a drainpipe nearby. After doing that I remembered that I had someone with me that night and went back to look for my friend. I found him exactly where I left him, though I donít know how I managed to find my way back to where I was before. He was tripping as heavy as I at that point and told me he was very thirsty and wanted to go get a beer, so we staggered until we reached a gas station with a convenience store. I couldnít enter the store, because I knew that everyone there would instantly notice how fucked up I was if they saw me, so I decided to wait outside.
I waited for an eternity (but it was actually 5 minutes I think) sitting on a large vase, and looked at the ground, where dozens of old spit bubble gum were stuck on. I got completely amazed when the floor became a dark void, my feet were hanging in the air and every chewed gum became an orbiting planet, and flash bright stars appeared among them. By the time my friend got back I was completely petrified, staring at the dirty solar-system like floor. He then asked me to walk around some more, Ďcause the clerks were looking at him in a strange way. We walked until we reached a bus stop with a bench and sat on the bench.
I think we sat there for over 2 hours (I had no clue what time it was at this point) and I canít remember clearly everything that went through my mind during this time, all I know is that the only words that I kept speaking repeatedly were: this just donít make sense! And indeed it didnít! I think I had what is called an ego splitting or an ego-loss, sitting on that bench I was in a profound trance-like state, I was feeling everything else, I could feel the confusion of being every object in my field of vision simultaneously. But at the same time, I felt a huge emptiness inside of my body, as if I had no ground under my feet. I couldnít remember my name, I couldnít remember who or even what I was at this point, and I certainly couldnít remember that I had taken LSD, so I started to believe my hallucinations and thatís the moment the panic started. I didnít know if I was dead or if I ever was alive.
This confused panic state lasted for another hour and then I managed to get back into my head, I mean, I managed to remembered who I was and where I lived, but I was still tripping very hard, strongly hallucinating, I think the first time I looked at my watch ever since the LSD effects started was 6:15 am and the sun was starting to light the sky. Well, after this weird state of ďbeing everythingĒ wore off, I once again figured out who I was and where I was but the panic just didnít go away and my never fading extremely stoned state-of-mind was starting to annoy me, at that point I was ready to get back to reality. I just didnít remember how reality was and how to get back.
More panic. I said a brief goodbye to my friend who had a blank but astonished look on his face and headed home. In my way home I felt a mix of very tense, very tight muscles in my back and very loose / shaky muscles in my legs. I kept walking on the streets like a goblin, with my back bent, and shouting out loud: ďTake your damn knee off my spine!!!Ē I even tried to kick a passing carís door, and I still donít know why I did it.
When I got home I was shit scared of waking my dad up, so I kinda did everything in slow motion, not to make any noise. I prepared a glass of chocolate-milk and took it with me to my room and laid myself on the bed. It was 7 or 8 am already and I was very tired from walking around, but I just couldnít sleep. I kept having cyclic visions in my head, that made no sense at all, like a part of a videoclip that kept looping at a very high speed, and it drove me further into my desperate state, at the end of this part of my trip I said to my self: hell is pure repetition.
When I thought all my visual hallucinations had gone away, I looked to the mattress while laying on the bed and there was no mattress, just a dark pit underneath my body, which was floating in mid-air, and the only thing that kept me from falling down in that dark pit was the empty glass of chocolate milk I was holding, that somehow had the ability to float. I donít know why I didnít just get off my bed, all I know is that I was completely sure, I mean, I was truly convinced that if I released my grip from that glass I would fall, Iíd be swallowed by that pit and would die. I think the most frightening thought I have ever had was to know that sooner or later I would fall asleep and so fall to my death. It was probably 10 or 11 am when I finally slept, holding tight on the empty chocolate-milk glass. I woke up in mid-afternoon mildly light-headed and with a major appetite.
After this trip I took acid many times, even hallucinated in some trips, but no other trip was ever close to this one in intensity and life-like visuals. The first one was truly a slap in the face. The funny thing is that a few days after this trip I was on my way to college and passed by the drainpipe where I had hidden my joint back in the night of the trip, and just for fun decided to check if the joint was still thereÖ and it was! I went to my class with 2 red eyes and a large smile on my face.
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