Citation: Bah?. "The Universe and Pot: An Experience with Cannabis, Tobacco & Quetiapine (exp42680)". Erowid.org. Aug 28, 2007. erowid.org/exp/42680
I am seventeen years old, I'm about average height for a girl, maybe a bit taller, and so far have had both extremely negative (paranoid) and mildly positive (euphoria) drug reactions when it comes to pot. Also, please take note that I have been seeing a psychiatrist over the last six or so months who has told me that I show symptoms of mild to moderate psychosis, as well as a possible mood disorder, which I have been taking mild doses of Seroquel, an atypical antipsychotic for. I have strong suseptiblity to pot. I've smoked up a considerable number of times before; however, I am by no means a person with high tolerance. So, sorry for babbling; proceed.
The best pot experience of my life would have to be this one: I was at a radioshow, a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere, with my friend and he decided it would be a good time to roll a joint. I normally declined when tobacco was put into the mix to make it burn better, cause cigarettes are just narsty. (Yes, naRsty.) But I decided what the hell. I gave it a shot, and it was completely different. I got a bit of the headrush, and although I was minorly paranoid in the beginning, as well as slightly twitchy, I began to settle down as usual.
We had some physical exhertion, walking up and down stairs, and waited for his friend. I don't really remember the conversations we had before and after his friend arrived, and before we went back to the original broadcasting room, but it was probably pointless anyway. I felt as if there was a bit of deja vu going on as I was climbing up numerous and identical flights of stairs so it was sort of weird, but I was used to being mildly retarded while stoned. After we got upstairs some random shit happened and we waited around for a bit, nothing exiting.
As the evening progressed, I got into a very unusual (for me) mindset. The friend that we had been waiting for was sitting sort of next to, sort of in front of me. I felt very connected to everything, and this was a completely unprecidented mindset for moi. I felt as if the Universe was layered, the layers being different people's perceptions, as if they were transparent projecter-screen sheets that were all layered within one another, and I was in the 'middle', but there was no middle and there was no end. It was a mindset of acceptance and love, and it felt wonderful. I was experiencing the ultimate interconnectedness of human perception, and realised in that same mindset that it was ALL in my head, so I became nearly overcome by glee when I realized that I could always come back here, and humans everywhere could experience this acceptance and love. It would appear that I had attained the frame of mind most stoners seem to have, and of course then I realized 'Oh, so THIS is what the fuss is all about.' It was very interesting.
As the evening progressed, I became higher. It came in waves, and it undulated through me like the visual image of water against glass. Small waves of it, distorting my thoughts and feelings to that of euphoria. It was incredible. I felt plugged into everything in the universe. Any knowledge was mine. I proved this (sort of) in a way by feeling along the second friend's back and closing my eyes. I asked her if I could give her a massage, and she complied. I closed my eyes every so often, and in my head I could see yellow dots on her back where I should press, and in what way. The yellow dots formed lines that connected each and every dot, and in the end I think it formed the Quabbalah. Fuck, I'm not even Jewish. This is getting really interesting for me, so I ask her how it felt. She replied that it was amazing and confirmed this when I asked her later.
Some guy was talking to another guy. He was saying something about points of view. I, being really stoned, replied with something like, 'Of course, how can somebody with one unique upbringing with unique experiences and different forms of understanding things expect someone else to adhere to their own moral structure?' They all look at me, stop talking and I continue. 'That's why I think spirituality is different than religion. Religion ceases to be spiritual when it's structured for more than one person, because how can you expect to get everyone liking the same thing, the same way? That's why conquering others without letting them believe what they want is retarded. It's like this human defect, that we have to insert our God's penis into everyone else's beliefs because 'My truth is better than your truth bullshit.' If everyone just let everyone be, things would be alot simpler.'
I ranted until about twelve or so on how
1) Human perceptions are all subjective because every human experience is unique;
2) That meant that within the subjective, you had many objective viewpoints, so really subjectivity is just recognizing itself, and one is no better than the other.
3) That for this reason people just need to stop worshiping what they're told to and start worshiping, or not worshiping, what they feel within themselves is THEIR truth.
and many other things, which I remember more clearly, which I will now relate:
One man said to me, 'You know, if you think about it, God is responsible for all Evil. He supposedly controls everything. If He had just cut down the tree of Knowledge, or never made it in the first place, Adam and Eve wouldn't have sinned and we, in the Bible's view, wouldn't be damned from birth unless choosing the 'Righeous' path (he wasn't Christian, and neither am I).
I replied, 'But of course He can't be responsible for Evil. Think about it. If you're talking within the confines of Christianity, then Dualism becomes quite essentail. Dualism is basically defining yourself through what you are not. For example, we define Good by it not being Bad. That's how we separate our experiences between positive ones and negative ones. If God exists, and if He claims to be all that is good, then how do we, or how does He, for that matter, separate himself from Evil? In order for there to be one thing, there has to be its opposite to define itself from what it isn't. So basically, you can't have only Good in Dualism, it doesn't work. Nor can you have Bad or Evil ecompassed within the Good, because Good would cease to be Good if it was tainted by Evil.
They are concepts that physically manifest themselves into actions. No one thought can be enveloped by another. They just are, and balance themselves through their counterparts. So thusly, God NEEDS Evil in order to separate Himself from it. He places moral value on thoughts and actions and then acts accordingly. If there were no Devil, we would not have God, and thusly would have no path to salvation, no Higher Power to worship. God, my friend, needs Evil, and we need it so that we can supposedly choose the righeous path. How can we deserve heaven if we don't act on Good? How can there BE a heaven if Satan is not there to tempt us, to contradict Goodness, so that we can choose which to follow? Even if choice is an illusion, free will already predetermined by God, is a different story. But the illusion remains nonetheless. If God took away the Evil he would undo himself.'
He stared at me. Another cool guy I gave a cookie to said, 'Interesting...' and nodded his head, agreeing with me.
I should mention that there had been a guest speaker that night who was a physician and into non-conventional theaputic practices that also helped people with behavioural problems or somesuch. He talked to me for a while. I told him about the imperfection of language, and of death, though I don't remember what I said about death. Probably something either profound or ridiculous. But then again, it's all subjective, right?
The Imperfection of Language rant:
I think I started this one entirely on my own, but he listened anyway.
'If one recognizes subjecivity in general, then one also would hypothetically recognize that language is incredibly imprefect. Take for example a word, that means alot to you, that your past has been shrouded in, and that you feel a deep connection with. Or a concept. You put concepts into words to articulate them, so out with it. For the sake of argument, let's say it's 'purple.' Now, to me, purple symbolizes spirituality, because I have been taught that purple is a spiritual colour, and can see how one would think so. It moreso represents, for me, indecisiveness or merging emotions or thoughts, because it is the midway colour between blue and red, which to me, represent sadness/the soul and love/hate/vibrance.
However, to someone else, the colour could have prideful and upper class connotations, because purple is often referred to as the colour of Royalty. They might see it as a colour of status and respect. Others see purple as a new-age funky colour that shouldn't be worn with vibrant green. It's all subjective. When you realize that, words have too many meanings to be considered straight-forward anymore. Even the things I'm saying to you, reader, might be totally 'mis'interperated by someone else. When we pour thoughtfullness, emotion and meaning into words, we pour ourselves into them because we identify those words with experiences unique to us. When it passes our lips it hangs, neutral, in the air until the ear of the second party adapts it into meaningful sounds and translates it with their own personal subjectivity to those particular words.'
Again, I am verbally applauded and he asks me to come and speak to parents about troubled teens with him. I say it's cool and we talk a bit more. Eventually I fall asleep and my friend shakes me awake in time to make the subway.
Throughout the entire experience, I never felt as if I 'knew everything' or as if I were some angel sent to earth to teach the stupid humans how to think, it wasn't like that. As I said to my friend, I 'just got it'. I felt happy and peaceful, but thoughtfully powerful. I don't however, reccomend taking antipsychotics and smoking up and the same time, because I avoided possible risks I guess. Also I hadn't been on the meds that long so they hadn't fully affected me yet. That's all.
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