Citation: JunkieJim. "Done With It: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) & Methamphetamine (exp42658)". Erowid.org. Aug 21, 2007. erowid.org/exp/42658
I have not read any experience reports in over a year until today as I write this story. I believe that I have a couple stories (under different names) that were on this site glamorizing my use of Adderall and Meth. However, I sit today clean and sober for a year and a half.
I was 19 years old, and had moved to Los Angeles from Ohio, and drugs had ruined my experience out there. I had done so much speed that I lost my job and ran out of money, so I had to come home. When I got home I got a job with a large corporate company and was in my orientation looking through my benefits package for Adderall to see if I was covered-and I was! I immediately went to my physician and told her I had difficulty concentrating. In all honestly that was all it took and she, being completely oblivious to the fact that I abused the drug, said that she would give me some Adderall to see if it would help. Long story short, the dosages got higher and so did I. So here is what happened:
I had been on a binge combining Adderall and meth for about five days, the Adderall were the 30mg fast acting, and I had taken about a half a bottle and at least two grams of meth. I had taken vacation time from work to binge on speed. I stayed in my apartment the whole time, didn't really talk to many people, just busied myself with cleaning the whole apartment, playing my guitar, surfing the internet etc.
After four days, I had to go back to work, and I still had not slept. I had the very last of my shit which I planned on taking on my lunch break to get through the day. Big mistake. Before my lunch break had even arrived that day, I crashed. I was at work in a huge room full of cubicles. As I was coming down, the paranoia began.
I remember hearing people talking about me. I heard things like 'I think we should tell the boss about him' I thought they were calling security to have me arressted, and I was watching them go to the copy machine and the water cooler etc, and I thought they were rehearsing some sort of elaborate arrest plan. Crazy I know, but true. They were all talking about me, they all had an agenda to get me fired.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
At this point I got up and left, thinking that I was fired anyway. As I drove home, I looked around me, and I was noticing people's air fresheners on their rear view mirrors, and I thought they were membership tags for some undercover police organization. I thought they were following me to my apartment.
I went into my apartment and locked the door, but I was sure that people from my work were hidden throughout the apartment complex, just waiting for me to try to leave so they could jump out and arrest me. I paced around my apartment for hours, constantly looking out the window and the peephole in my front door. I thought my phones and my computer were tapped.
This story may seem a little nuts, but I cannot explain the horror I felt that day. I actually called my mother and asked her to meet me at the local police station, because I was about to be arrested, and I would need her to bail me out. I was calling my friends to see if they would house sit for me while I was in jail, saying things like, 'I know they are listening on the phone. They think they are clever, but I know they are here.' In my mind, I thought the police were coming, and that people from my work had allied with my neighbors. I was petrified.
I was not the only one either. My mother and my friends all thought I needed to be committed. They thought something had happened that sent me over the edge. I peeked outside my apartment and saw one of my neighbors standing at the mailboxes at the end of the hall, and I was going to assault him because I thought he was in on 'the plan'. Thankfully I was too scared to do so. All of this because of Adderall and meth. I had gone psychotic.
Finally my mother came over, and she is a doctor. I told her the truth and she explained amphetamine psychosis to me. She gave me something to help me fall asleep and sat there and talked me down from the drug. I would hear a noise or a siren outside somewhere and would jump up and get scared, and she would let me know that it was an ambulence somewhere or explain what the noise was.
The paranoia I got from speed was not worth the feeling it gave me. I am so glad I'm done with it. I feel 150% better now that I don't do it. The feeling I have being off of it is a lot better than anything I felt while I was on it.
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