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Just Let Go
Moclobemide & DMT
Citation:   James Bondage. "Just Let Go: An Experience with Moclobemide & DMT (exp42523)". Sep 12, 2005.

T+ 0:00
  oral Moclobemide (powder / crystals)
  T+ 1:00 150 mg oral DMT (capsule)
Well, my boyfriend and I had planned on taking DMT on a nice calm weekend with no disturbances. But of course it kept getting held back due to the fact that my house is a party house on the weekends. So this was much anticipated when I finally got the chance to take it. By the time we had decided to take it, my boyfriend had gotten a little worried about what effects this could have on the human body and mind. So I had told him, I would do it (I honestly didn't care what effects it would have) and he can watch over me while I was on it and make sure that I'm fine, so we agreed. I was somewhat of a lab rat haha.

On a friday night/saturday morning at around 5am I had taken Aurorix one hour before I was supposed to orally take the 150mg capsule of DMT. As time went by I was getting excited and nervous at the thought of what would happen. So 6am rolls around and I take the capsule of DMT. Within 10-15 minutes of ingestion I start seeing the patterns in the couch start to squiggle and morph around and all the little ashes in the ashtray would crawl around, much like the effects of AMT. But within another 5 minutes... boom it hit me, this was NOT like AMT. I was sitting on my couch and out of the corner of my eye I saw a little girl with no face wearing a jumper and mary-janes, she seemed to be made of oil paint, not real flesh or hair. I would go to look directly at her and she would keep shifting out of view. I looked over at my boyfriend and his face started to morph and change colors. I shut my eyes and curled up into a ball on the couch and when I shut my eyes I was trapped in this cube, this kaleidescopic cube where there were these little elves moving cylinders around as though it we're their job. Everything had rhythm.

Soon these black mirrors appeared all around me and my boyfriend was standing across from me and it was dark, no light yet I was able to see, and I looked into the mirrors and there was no reflection of me nor him. I had instantly forgotten who I was, I looked down at my hands and they had no definite shape, they were boneless and elongated. I kept trying to remember who I was and who this man was standing in front of me. I felt like an entity of light inside of my head looking out from these eyes, like this body, this skin was just a cage to hold me down, all the sudden hundreds of camera lights go off and I open my eyes and people are rushing all around my house. These colorful bodies of light are everywhere, walking around so busy. They whisper back and forth, and they're talking about me saying things like 'is she gonna be alright', 'yea she's just new, she'll be fine', 'she just needs to let go'. They were echoing a thousand times over and over again.

I looked over at my boyfriend and he was talking about something to do with chemicals in the brain and neurological receptors (this was not a hallucination, he's often talking about scientifical theories and such). But his voice would overlap what he was saying and he'd be saying 4 or 5 things at once. His face was everywhere, peering out of corners that I never knew existed, corners that were in the air not touching sides to form corners, but they were there. I got caught in this Deja vu, the same things would happen within 3 minutes (which were probably only a couple seconds), like a cycle, the same things were said, the same movements were made, including me puking at the same time everytime. When I would throw up, I could feels these cubes coming up through my throat, and when they would finally make it out, I could see that they were pink lego's. I would repeatedly puke every few minutes on account of me being stuck in this mindset of deja vu (i.e. this is when I'm suppsed to puke... so my body would puke). I could feel, even after I was done vomiting, that the lego's would still be crawling up my throat, like a physical echo. I would keep checking to see if my facial piercings were intact and they would turn into rubber, no metal structure, no structure to anything anymore, not even my bones.

I would look up and there would be what seemd to be five different variations of my boyfriend walking around. One asking me about the lego's and he'd have on a white doctor's smock and he'd be in an office chair with a writing pad jotting things down, he'd turn back and look at his secretary and say things about what was happening to me. The secretary was also my boyfriend, but dressed up in a nurses uniform and a wig. I would be curled up facing the arm of the couch and my boyfrined would be behind be holding me for comfort and yet he'd be also walking around the house and cleaning things all over the place. At a time I was giggling and my arms were curled up and my boyfriend said 'you're retarded' and started laughing and calling me cute, this made me think I really was and that this had all occured over a decade and this drug had permanently f8cked me up and I was unnaware until he had told me. I had started laughing and believing him, so I had let go of thinking there was any salvation, I had thought to myself 'this is it, I'm going to die like this with all these elves coaxing me to their realm'... and as soon as I let go, everything turned cheery and bright. I would think about how much I'm in love with my boyfriend, and think about how he's taking care of me being retarded and that he'd never leave me, and I would see his face in clouds made of pink and white and red hearts, and he'd be smiling and reaching out to me.

This is when I let my guard down and started to become one with this way of 'life'. I realized I think negatively, it all turns dark, the elves turn to gray wood and get creepy demonic faces with long bony hands and claws, but if I think positively and go with the flow then they would be bright and cheerful and smiling. The TV was on, and I thought that I had de-coded the french language cuz I thought we were watching a french movie but I heard it in english (of course I found out when I was done trippin that we were in fact just watching a regular english movie haha). When I would think about love the tv would light up with colors and have fireworks and explosions, when I would think I couldn't handle this, the tv would say things back and forth about how I need to just let go and relax. Everything was working for me, it was all trying to help me, I got this incredible feeling of unity after I had settled down a bit. My boyfriend would ask if I wanted a blanket and I was too scared that I'd get lost in it so I would say no, just wrap your arms around me. When he would touch me with his hands, I could feel them sprouting more hands like a vine wrapping all over me, it was so secure and comfy, I felt safe with him. Our bodies would melt together into each other and we would become one, literally.

After I regained the ability to talk I would tell him what I was seeing and what was going on. I'd tell him there are elves all around moving these cylinders and cubes around, and that everything is a machine, everything is working together, that we think we're superior for living in a 3-D world, but we are the lowest world there is, what I saw was a thousand Dimensions we couldn't even begin to comprehend. Eventually everything faded away slowly and I was back to 'normal'. But I still have a lingering sense that that's where we go when we 'die', we all transcend into these bodies of light with no form, and we go higher up the ladder of existence.

Me and my boyfriend plan on doing it again, together this time. But I would not recomend this drug to everyone, many times I thought I was dead through-out the trip, I was afraid I would choke on my own vommit, I was afraid that I was not breathing many times... one has to be able to let go. There's many things I have encountered that I have forgotten to put in this report, but it's so hard to describe something so fantastic and incomprehensible. The trip had ended at 8:30am, only two hours of tripping, but it felt like a lifetime. This has been a life changing experience in more ways than one. I'm no longer afraid of the unknown, I think much more positively now, cuz I've seen karma in the physical sense, if I send out good vibes they'll be returned and if I think negatively everything around me will spoil. Well I'm not really good at ending things like this, so I'll just say it again, this drug is most definitely not for everyone.

note: I'm 18, 97 lbs, and took 150 mgs DMT orally.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 42523
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 12, 2005Views: 33,366
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Moclobemide (75), DMT (18) : Entities / Beings (37), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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