Citation: Mr. Gray. "Can I Give You a Hug?: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) & Cannabis (exp42336)". Erowid.org. Jul 26, 2008. erowid.org/exp/42336
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I had researched MDMA quite a bit before taking it for the first time, as with any other drug I experiment with, and found the information about its therapeutic purposes and its history to be especially interesting, so I was really excited about doing it. It was about 4 days after my 18th birthday, and I put on my best suit and invited my best friend and a girl I really liked to go with me on this journey. I dropped my purple J and waited about 45 minutes for it to hit me, during which time we went to the dollar store and bought candy and other colorful items to have fun with during the trip. After waiting in a parking lot for a little bit while playing with the candy, I went into a gas station to grab some water, and when I sat in the car again, I felt like I was really drugged.
A lot of dizziness and weird discomfort which started to dissolve and turn into a warm flush of pure emotional and physical warmth that engulfed my mind and body. Every breath I took felt like I was breathing in love. Every movement I made made me feel like I was having an orgasm that was spread out all over my body. I was sitting shotgun in the car, with my best friend in the back, and this girl, who was braiding my hair in the driver's seat. Eventually I was so overwhelmed that I had to bury my head in her warm elbow while holding my best friend's hand. After I had collected myself, I immediately demanded for some Deadsy to be played on the car stereo. Midway through the first song, I tried to get the two of them outside just to give them a hug, and ended up with the girl (we'll call her A). I gave her a long hug and then looked at her smiling at me and saw more beauty in her face than I've ever seen in the world shining out at me. I saw underneath all the inner coldness she had developed, and all the anger inside of her and just wanted to make it melt away with my warmth, but in fear of making her too uncomfortable and leaving, I just ended up giving her a kiss on the forehead, as I would for a lot of my friends that night.
I was talking to my best friend (who we'll call M) in the bathroom of a McDonald's and basically let go of all the anger I had towards him from all the crap that'd happened between us. I sat down with the both of them and basically spilled my guts about how amazing and awesome both of them were and how lucky I was to have them as friends. I felt extremely open and clear about everything, and constantly kept gritting my teeth because of how good it felt, and had no qualms with telling people how much I appreciated their existance. At this point my eyes were jerking around everywhere, kind of like during an orgasm, although I really had very little actual sexual arousal throughout the whole trip. We spent the next few hours rocking out to music in this other kids car and all I can remember is being extremely content with all the awesome people around me and with all the awesome music going through me, until I started coming down.
My friends told me that I should smoke some grass to make the come-down easier, so I hit the blunt a few times. We parked in an SUV, waiting for the driver to get back from smoking a bowl, which felt like hours even though it took only ten minutes, and eventually I started seeing the car moving backwards. I was sitting in the cargo space behind the backseat, and when I looked forward at M, it looked like he had attached the steering wheel to the back of the front seat and was turning it really fast and laughing at me, trying to freak me out. I looked at A and I couldn't tell what part of the huge malformed block of weirdness on her shoulders was her head because she was wearing a hood. I was starting to get uncomfortable with these hallucinations, and when the driver came back to take us all home, the drive felt like it was taking hours.
When we got there, A hopped out and got in her car to go [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
, and I went to get all my stuff out of there. As I was walking away I heard her engine rev up something crazy, so I went back to ask her what the hell she was doing but she didn't even acknowledge me, which made me feel really awkward. I started walking away looking at M and heard her do it again, she was leaning back to get something from her backseat and didn't even know what she was doing. So M called her on his cell phone to ask her what was up, and thought she said she was trying to kill herself in the car (she actually said 'Jeez, I almost killed myself in my car') which freaked me out severely until I was reassured that that wasn't what was going on. I kept having memory black outs, and had to concentrate very very hard on keeping my vision straight because everything was rearranging itself and familiar settings were not so familiar anymore.
I got home and tried to listen to some music, which was ridiculously tedious and repetitive sounding. I could hardly sit still because I was so impatient, but eventually I managed to go to sleep thanks to the weed. Another strange thing that happened to me, which apparently hasn't happened to anyone that I'd questioned out of all my friends that had done E before, earlier before I started hallucinating, was that when I tried to take a piss, I actually had to push with all my strength to get a drop out. It was really weird and alarming, but by the next day I was peeing quite freely.
In fact, for the next few days I felt very relieved, optimistic, and generally happy with life. It was like something had shaken off the shackles of insecurity, self-doubt and pessimism that had been plaguing my mind for about half a year prior to my rolling experience. While I was high, I basically realized that I DO have a lot to offer people, and that I AM special in my own way. I realized that if I get rejected by one person, then there are still a million people who would be more than happy to accept me for who I am, so there's really no point in fretting about it. In conclusion, I'd have to say that my first experience with MDMA was an amazing thing.
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