Citation: Faeden. "The Universal Consciousness of Mind and God: An Experience with LSD (exp42273)". Erowid.org. Aug 4, 2005. erowid.org/exp/42273
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This is an experience I have never wrote about before, but it’s something I think about a lot, because of the strangeness of the experience, and of how it changed me as a person, and about the connection between mind and body.
Around ten years ago when I was in my late teens early twenties I was some what of a rebel and thug, and a destructive person, I got into all sorts of criminal activities, such as gang fighting, drugs, illegal raves, etc. In that time I experimented with just about every drug known; one of them was LSD.
I had been told before I had ever taken any form of hallucinogenic that LSD was not something to be taken likely, as its the world’s most powerful drug, and can be devastating to someone if a bad trip occurs, or the user is not mentally strong, me being a stupid naive young person did not listen, and thought that I could deal with it, and cope with what ever my mind had to deal with, or what ever experiences it could throw at me… Oh, how wrong I was… And what I did not know at the time was that it was going to change my way of thinking for good.
Some of my friends were into spirituality of all kinds, I believed in the paranormal, but never thought much about the spiritual side of it, but my friends would always be blabbing on about metaphysics, parallel dimensions, and time travel, god, and the soul, and stuff like that; anyway, one night I was doing my normal drinking of cider, and smoking cannabis. I was used to my friends acting strange as they had been experimenting with LSD over the last few weeks, some of them even longer, I was curious about it as my friends had told me about the strangeness of it, and how it had changed there way of thinking for the ‘better’ (in some cases it was for the worse) and that it has opened up some part of the subconscious that they never knew existed. Most of my friends were over intelligent university students that came from upper class families, and I was like the odd one out that came from a lower class family, I was like the novelty poor person of the group, being I was not from a rich family and did not have a great education like they had, and was unemployed, and going nowhere fast. You would have thought it would have been me tempting them to do drugs, but it was they who were pressuring me.
I was cautious at first, even though I had heard the horror stories before, of what can go wrong, and had even seen someone a few weeks before have a bad trip, which in a way made me scared, but at the same time made me even more curious about this mysterious little pill, as the people taking the drug seemed so convinced that they could actually see into some other reality, or even dimension; they were so convinced of it that I started to convince my self I would be able to handle it so that I could see first hand what they were talking about, and that it was the ‘cool’ thing to do. Also if I took it, I would at least be accepted into the group more, as someone that knew about these secret spiritual things like they claimed to know, and would be able to join in more with there in-depth conversations about god, and time, and spirituality. So I asked one of them to get me one, for which they cheered me on. One of the biggest mistakes I made, was getting a blue micro dot, the most powerful form of LSD around at the time.
Anyway, I took the pill with a litre of cider (another mistake) being cider is full of acid. We were in a student’s bed sit, he had no electricity, so we were sitting in candle light, anyway fifteen minutes past nothing, thirty minutes past nothing, forty-five minutes past and I began to feel a little odd, I looked at the walls and watched the shadows moving around on the walls from the candles, and thought they looked odd, but I still felt happy and comfortable. Then after about a hour after taking the micro dot, I started to notice one of my friends sitting in the chair, and he looked at me in a sinister way, and said something along the lines of, ‘Are you in the twilight zone yet?’ and as he said it the room felt like it was melting, and it felt like I could feel the sounds in the room on my skin as warmth. I was still thinking with a straight mind at this time, although I was hallucinating, I was still in a normal state of thinking. I remember telling my friends that I can handle this, it’s bizarre, but I could handle it (or so I thought).
I remember my friends talking about some of the strange things that happen in a LSD trip, such as it’s impossible to tell the time, or to judge distance, as it’s like time and distance do not exist, which was a discussion when they were talking about hallucinogenic drugs and spirituality, and how shamans use hallucinogenic drugs to communicate with the spirit world. I remember thinking, ‘Of course you can tell the time and judge distance, I’ll just look at my watch, and you’ll be able to see it.’ So I looked at my watch and bizarrely there were abut twenty hands on the dial, so I could not read it; I looked at my friend’s digital watch and the digits were 88:88 like it had been reset, I asked him what the time was, and he said it’s *&% (a clock I heard him talk, but when it come to the point that he said the actual time, I could not hear him, others tried to tell me, but the same thing happened, there voices went silent at the point they said the time. I think this is the point I became freaked out and started to worry, and decided to try and walk out side.
When I got up and waked from the room and stood in the hall, the atmosphere changed from comfortable to dark and oppressive, the shadows now seemed to turn into creatures on the walls, I heard them growling and whispering about me, then I looked down to the floor boards I was standing on, and they started to fall away beneath me, and under it was flames and fire, the next thing I remember was someone saying, ‘For God’s sake, help him,’ because apparently I had started pulling my hair out in clumps (something I do not recall) as I just did not understand what was going on. One of my friends then got up and took me downstairs, and outside, he tried to put his arm around me, but I thought it was a snake, so I just freaked out more. Anyway, after some convincing he got me outside.
As soon as I went outside the atmosphere changed again, but it was less threatening, everything seemed sparkly to look at. Although I was scared, still it was not half as bad as what I had just experienced in the bed sit. My friends followed behind, and they decided it would be best for me not to be in that candle lit bed sit again, as it was that that seemed to be causing me to have bad visions, after some time one of my friends Colin that was training to become a psychologist, started talking to me, and was starting to calm me down. When then I turned and looked down an alley way that was dark, and saw two dark figures huddled together talking and whispering. I thought they were demons and were plotting against me, and then something really odd happened; the shadows I saw on the walls as creatures in the bed sit were now surrounding me and growling at me, they kind of reminded me of the demons in the movie Ghost
After starting to panic, my friend Colin told me to think of God, and as he said that a white illuminated mist started coming up from my feet, and I could feel it touching my face and skin, then I looked back at the alley where the demons were, and they were gone, I then looked up and saw a silver sparkling stairway. It looked like a stairway to heaven; my instinct was to try and walk up it, as by this time I was completely delusional. And away with the fairies, my friends started laughing at me because I was stomping on the grass thinking I was walking up steps, and my legs were giving way because I thought I was going higher up the steps, and thought I was no longer standing on the grass.
After some time I was told to forget what I could see, and he then told me some stuff that I can’t remember now, but it was something he had used in his psychology class about the yin and yang, and about that I should accept that light and darkness were equal, and that there was nothing I could do about it and that I should face my fears, and that my subconscious mind should find a way of accepting this. As he said this, I felt a sense of peace I had never felt before, both the demons, shadows and the stairway vanished, but had all morphed into one, and were now blended into everything I saw around me. The trees were swirling and sparkling with all the colours of the spectrum, the clouds and moon were spinning with vivid pretty colours, like a psychedelic video, this was pretty much how things would be through out the rest of the night. I never saw any other hallucinations, other than the swirling colours that seemed to radiate from everything, and they seemed to connect everything together, and I somehow saw and realised that everything was living and alive, and was one. It was as if my thoughts were solid and had mass, and that they connected to my environment. I could again feel sounds physically, and the environment in some odd way was something a part of me, I felt so connected to the ones around me, and felt love for them, even the ones I normally did not like. Things seemed more realistic to me then than they did before; I had never felt so alive than in comparison to what I felt before.
Normal reality seemed less real; I think unless you have experienced it you won’t know what I mean.
Another odd thing was something moving like a leaf floating down from a tree, made a sound like twinkling, when normally a leaf would make no sound, and when people turned there heads, I heard a whooshing noise.
One of the only things I did not like in this new found peace, was the frustration I had when I would get these huge bursts of thought to come to me, that made me think, ‘I understood the universe and everything in it.’ I had it on the tip of my tongue, and I told those around me that I knew the answer to life, and everything-ness, and they would say to me, ‘OK Barry, tell us what is the meaning to the universe,’ And I just could not spit it out, I could not get the words out of my mouth, no matter how hard I tried, but I swear blind some how I knew it, and it was the most frustrating thing I have ever felt to this day. It was like one side of me understood the secrets of the universe, but the other side could not comprehend it.
Anyway after a while, about ten hours in all, I came down, and started coming back to reality, and over a day or two got back to normal completely. But my ways of thinking had changed dramatically, I got a job, I stopped fighting, I stop taking drugs, I became a better person, and started learning everything I could about the after life and spirituality. I became a pacifist, and an animal lover, I became a hippie and later a pagan. The experience was terrifying yet awe inspiring, but I would never do it again as some of the people I did it with today have mental problems, so it’s not all good.
My reason for posting this is because I had a dream about this last night after talking to my girlfriend about it, and it has brought back some memories of it, and has made me wonder again is LSD something that just causes the brain to hallucinate, or is it something that actually opens up apart of the consciousness that is able to see into other dimensions or realties? Was I just seeing a bunch of crap that my mind and surroundings caused me to experience? Or does it open up a door in our own mind, that allows us to see a perception of things more complex, and of a higher understanding that what our normal waking brains experience? I do not know the answer to this, but it has sure changed me and made me think more about things I would not normally have done before hand.
I believe shamans and tribal people use hallucinogens because (to them) it opens the door to the other worlds, in where they can see, and communicate with beings or things in that world, and that they connect with it both physically and mentally. It’s like we are interconnected with all things, and beings that are all around us, all the time, whether they be physical things or spiritual things. The spiritual are a reality in their mind state, just as the physical is a reality in our mind state, and are all in a sense morphed into our natural environment, and ours into theirs. Maybe the same applies to our lives and there lives we are all connected. Maybe they have drugs that make them have strange experiences where they can see glimpse into a window into our world?
God, if you like, is like one huge mass of energy all combined into one. Maybe these drugs can open something up within us that lets us have a glimpse into that window of the bigger picture of things, but unfortunately our physical brains are limited, and can not perceive that bigger picture, as a spirit being might well see it. This experience seems to have taught me that the spirit world is all around us, its represented by life we all see all around us, it just seems that our physical world seems to give it a image that we all perceive as being ‘normal’ reality. I think the laws of the spirit world are probably extremely strange, and alien to us.
I also find it fascinating that it’s said that time and distance does not exist in the spirit world, and when I tried to tell the time or hear the time when on LSD, I could not understand it no matter how hard I tried, I mean I could not even hear someone say, it or even judge the distance from me to a wall near by.
One of the things this experience taught me was that maybe certain drugs like LSD can open up a part of our being, that allows that ‘God effect’ to be felt or experienced.
I do not think that the answers to God can be found in a pill its self. But the drug might let us experience genuine ‘God effects’ in the state of mind a pill might put us in, or that it might open some kind of strange door to a world far beyond our range of understanding. Remember we only use a small percentage of our brain mass; could certain drugs make us use more of that brain mass, letting us see something we do not normally notice around us? Even science admits that energy is all around us, but we do not always see that energy, or even know where it comes from; maybe some drugs can help us see energies that are normally invisible to our every day senses.
All the best,
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