Citation: Darkheartatom. "Staring at the Divine: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (25x extract) (exp42216)". Erowid.org. Apr 11, 2006. erowid.org/exp/42216
The first thing I have to say about this is that I honestly don't know how to put my experience into the English language in a way that will give an accurate representation of it, but I'm going to try real hard because I feel like this is what I have to do.
I had just gotten off work on a really rotten and busy day, I was tired and had a beer or two before vacating. While drinking my second beer, a good friend of mine called me up and told me that I HAD to come over when I finished and try this stuff. He said it was insane, that he had been transported to another life, had seen and communicated with other humans who he didn't know, but seemed to know him. Sure, I thought, I'll try it. I had been depressed and trying to work my way through it, had taken some really good acid a week or so before and had a good, but not sufficient experience.
I've experimented with several psychadelic substances and had very, VERY intense experiences. I have also read about more intense and real 'trips' that I had not come across, or even really believed were possible, like DMT for instance (this will come into play). So I showed up, ready to get fucked up and maybe have some kind of psychadelic experience...I thought I knew what I was doing, I thought I knew what to expect...I thought I knew....
Never in my life have I been so unprepared for a situation. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened in mind, body, or soul. Sitting on my friend's couch, very comfortable with low music (some old, chillin DJ Shadow, I think) and low lights, he passed me the bowl. 1 normal hit, like a hit of weed, and then 1 big hit I held. As I began to exhale, before it was even out of my lungs I felt a pull, and things began to look strange. In a matter of seconds everything in the room started streaking towards me in kind of 'fingers,' creating a sort of tunnel. The fingers multiplied and got narrower and narrower until they were billions of streaks (imagine the Enterprise going into warp-speed, but with rainbow brilliance) and the tunnel expanded to encompass my entire visual plane...in fact, it was no longer a 'tunnel' but its own place, if you will.
No concept of my body, it felt as if all the molecules had been torn in different directions, only my consciousness remained with some sense of who I was. The only part of 'earth' that was still there was the g-force visualization program that was moving with the music, though I could not see the screen or the computer i could recognize the animations as they retained the flat look of a monitor. If all this wasn't insane enough the animations layed down in 3-d, forming kind of a puck-shaped fountain of visuals floating independently in this huge place I was now inhabiting. Suddenly, the center of the puck rippled, opened up and expanded, forming a kind of donut, but retaining the animation. Now it gets weird...
Out of the center rose this 'thing,' this entity, and I knew immediately what it was, or at least what it represented. A glowing green orb shape that had countless facets and angles that shape-shifted and undulated, yet it retained and overall spherical shape. The sections were like metallic plates, but they intertwined with each other in a very organic manner. I CANNOT truly describe it, other than that, except that it had some kind of satellite streaking around it like a lone electron.
The computer program expanded to the edges of the unseen as my attention was drawn forcefully but benevolently to the 'thing.' It was immense, powerful, loving, intelligent, ALIVE like nothing I had ever ever experienced, and it was trying to communicate with me. In fact, I have the distinct impression that there were several of them, but my attention was locked on the first one. Even in this state of trance I knew what I was seeing, and I could not, almost would not accept it. Maybe not exactly, but these are the things that Terence McKenna saw on DMT, or at least a representation of it. I know it's strange, they are different chemicals that work in different parts of the body, but this was UNMISTAKEABLE, and there was no question in my mind that I was dealing with beings far beyond the constraints of this world. They were beautiful.
Coming home was the most terrrifying thing I have ever felt, leaving that place and returning to the mundane, painful existence I have. My entire being felt drawn and pulled to be 'there,' that I wasn't finished. My awe and bewilderment somehow clouded the communication and I could feel them trying to keep me there, for at least long enough to make the real contact. Alas, it didn't happen, the short trip ended, and I re-appeared on the couch, stunned, scared, terrified, overjoyed, reborn, overloaded, amazed, horrified and almost freaking the fuck out. Anyone who reads this should know that I DID NOT believe that something like this was possible, or maybe I just didn't want to, I don't know, but it happened.
The most strange thing about it is that I still feel the presence, the force, the sheer existence of that other place calling out to me. It never felt like a drug, like lsd or mushrooms, amt, or ecstasy. It happened. It was real, or that's what my senses tell me. For 3 days a walked around on auto-pilot, completely bewildered by the experience. I felt like the gods had somehow 'put me in my place' and I was and am humbled beyond all words. It's been 5 days now, and the initial awe is gone, but the feeling persists. I cannot figure out how to assimilate this experience into my psyche, except that maybe it needs to happen again, when I'm more prepared.
This is a jumbled report, I know, but I felt I had to place it somewhere where it might be understood. My 2 friends also had powerful experiences, but not like this, not that made them think of McKenna's experiences. people, I don't know what I saw or experienced, only that it was powerful and profound, like seeing the face of God must be, only this was no god that created us in its image, this was nothing that any man could imagine. I am forever changed, though I don't know how, only that in 4 or 5 minutes my concept of nearly everything was shattered and the person that left the couch that night was not the same one that sat down.
Please, please, please be careful if you are thinking of doing this stuff for the first time. I was fairly well experienced with entheogens (or so I thought) and I nearly lost my shit, in 5 minutes. This is no joke, not a legal pot substitute, not something to dose up on at a party. this was 25x extract...be careful. The other side is a beautiful but terrifying place, like a 3000 ft. tidal wave or a supernova. I'm a humble, fairly meek person, but after that night I know humility on a level that cannot be described. I will go back though, I have unfinished business with 'her' (it was unmistakably female, or at least that is the best way a human could describe it) at a later date.
I wish this was more of an essay, less eratic, but how do you report on something like this. I really don't know where to go to discuss things of this nature, and I feel compelled to find out more.
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