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My struggle with Opiates
Opiates
Citation:   Mcfly. "My struggle with Opiates: An Experience with Opiates (exp42211)". Erowid.org. Jan 15, 2007. erowid.org/exp/42211

 
DOSE:
    Opiates
BODY WEIGHT: 180 lb
First off, let me give you a little background on me. I'm 19, I graduated high school at the top of my class, I went to college, enrolled in the honors program, had a full tuition scholarship, and come from an upper-middle class family. I am not your typical druggy. I've had plenty of experience with alcohol, and have smoked pot from time to time. I don't really enjoy pot, it makes me too drowsy and fucked up. Just the average things a high school and college student has tried.

It all began when I was 16 when I had my wisdom teeth out. All 4 were impacted and they extracted them. I was given a small script of Percocet. Which I enjoyed immensely. It was great. I would pop a couple, I'd feel so happy and perfect. It was heaven. But of course, the bottle ran out after a few days, and it was back to normal life.

After searching around online I found out you could get fucked up off codeine. I had tons of codeine cough syrup from when I was sick. I started taking a few swigs at a time and feel great again. It was awesome. That too ran out.

I was an avid wrestler, and in my 5th season of wrestling I started having shoulder problems. My problems eventually progressed that I had to quit wrestling after I ended up in the ER when I dislocated my shoulder again in practice. I got a script of Lortab at the ER, and I truly hurt, but it was fun cause I was high. After that script ran out I saw my general doctor. He gave me another script and advised I see a surgeon. This was my senior year of high school.

I saw the surgeon, who said I needed a total reconstruction of my shoulder joint. He gave me a hefty script of Lortab and scheduled me to have surgery in 3 weeks. I was happy and sad at the same time. My dreams of going and wrestling in college were shattered, but I had my pills, so I was happy. At the time I was probably taking 8 or so of the 7.5mg Lortabs.

After my surgery, I was instructed to take 2 pills every three hours. I took 16 pills in 24 hours for a few days. I laid around in my sling for a month and popped pills constantly to rid myself of the horrible pains coming from my shoulder. After seeing the dcotor and telling him I was taking 6-8 pills a day still, he said I needed to start weening down. And I did. I remember for a while I was taking a pill a day and was fine. God if only I had quit then. My life would be so different.

By the stroke of bad luck (thought it was great then), my step dad had just had a knee replacement, and had a hefty script of 10mg Lortabs. I would take a couple from him each day and take it before school to make school enjoyable. If I got in a fight with my bitch of a girlfriend, I'd take a pill and it'd all go away. It made life so easy just to numb it all away. After awhile, I built my tolerence up, and I had to take more to get the same effect. I remember once in late May I quit over the weekend. I ended back on them to numb the anger and sadness from all the troubles I had wiht my girlfriend. I ended up taking probably 6 or so a day.

One day as I looked in the medicine cabnet I was devastated that the pills were gone. I freaked out. Did he find out? Is he off them? What the fuck? So I started searching around and found a bottle of Oxycontin in the back. I jumped for joy. There was a shitload of them. They were the 10mgs. I would take probably 2 a day, 3 tops. Then the docs bumped him up to 20mg. In the end, I was probably taking 40-60 mgs of that a day. BIG MISTAKE. God was that a mistake. The docs then knocked him down to the 10mg Lortabs again as his pain improved. I found I was taking 10-12 a day. I would take 2 at a time, all throughout the day. They made everything great. My girlfriend all of the sudden wasn't a bitch anymore, I loved to talk to people, and work went by like a breeze. During this time I had back pain, which still came through all the lortabs, but I was so high all the time I didn't pay any mind.

Of course, with 15 or so pills disappearing each day between me and my step-dad, his bottle ran out quick. When it would get low, I would only take 2 or 3 in a day in fear of being caught. I would get terrible withdrawals. I would be working in 100 degree heat, and get horrible chills, be pouring with sweats, terrible bowel problems. And once I got my fix, all was right again. I knew I had a problem. I would say to myself, 'I'll cut back each day and get off starting tomorrow' Well, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Then it was time to move to college. I was stressed beyond belief, I had no pills anymore. In a last ditch attempt, I took 15 of his pills with me, and some of my mom's Xanax and Ambien in hopes to knock myself out and get through the withdrawals. The day before class started, my parents noticed all the drugs missing, and I broke down to them.

The drove over to school and I just broke down. I cried, hard. No one knew about my problem. Not my girlfriend, not my friends, the only guy that knew was my good friend at work. That was it. In desperation we called my doctor and he said I needed to check into rehab, that I couldn't do this on my own. The worst part was seeing my mom break down and sob. To have my parents know their son was on drugs. We decided to drive back home, and see my parents doctor as an emergency.

I can't thank the man enough for helping me. He put me on a weening schedule. I was to take 4 10mg lortabs a day for a month, then 3 for a month, the two, then one, then get off. I guess by the grace of God and for fear of going to rehab, I took the 4 a day fine. I couldn't go down to the 3 a day. I just didn't have the will power. I ran out. I went into some bad withdrawals. Chills, sweats, panic attacks, but luckily no bowel trouble. I locked myself in my room for 3 days and sweated it out. It was no fun, but it doesn't last forever. It does get better. I stayed off the pills for about a month and a half. I still craved them from time to time, but I'd just have a beer and chill out. Life got better.

I had back trouble for a year or so, and it really got worse towards the end of my fall semester. I saw my doctor about it and he put me on tramadol. It's an interesting drug. No real strong euphroia, at least for me, but it gave me some pep and helped with my pain. I was popping them 2 at a time, about 5-6 times a day. I had a bottle of 100. I figured what the hell. They weren't a narcotic, so what's the big deal. Well, my mom found out when I was home visiting and she counted my pills. I flipped out into a rage and cussed her out, telling her that my back killed me and she didn't know what it was like to not get the relief she needed, I was desparate and sick of living in pain, which was true.

We got me into an orthopedic surgeon shortly after during christmas break. He gave me Darvocet. I was taking 2 three times a day. It was like pissing in the wind. He did an MRI and thought I had fluid on my spinal cord, and gave me a script for mepergan forte, which is demerol mixed with phenergan (keeps you from geting sick at the stomach). I was on that for two weeks and I was out of it the whole time. They made me really drowsy and fucked up. I sat at home the whole time like a zombie. They also gave me ambien to sleep, since I wasn't sleeping either. I got into a nuerosurgeon, who did some more tests, and said nothing was wrong with me, and put me back on darvocet. I saw a few more specialists, and finally got into a pain clinic. He put me on 5mg lortabs, three times a day. I wanted to hurt him.

I of course, ran out. Went through withdrawals again, got cleaned up. Told my parents I threw them out cause they weren't working, just to keep from hurting them. Finally, we got the pain doctor to give me a Fentanyl Duragesic patch. I had the 25 microgram/hour. It fucked me up good for about 2 days, then after that, I just felt normal. Not high, but no withdrawals. I was on that for 2 months. I just got off last week and he gave me more 5mg lortabs to ween down. My mom keeps my pills and it's difficult.

She has a bottle of 90 of mine that she filled just so I wouldn't go take them. I've found her hiding spots a couple times and I've stolen I think 8 of them from that. I'm supposed to be taking 2 a day right now. It blows. I've had 3 today, and will probably have two more tonight. I'm praying I can get the strength to stay off this shit and get clean. I hate having my life ruled by pills. I know I can do it, it's just tough. It's easier to get off when you're forced too. I don't have the willpower to do it on my own. If I had my pills, I'd be taking 10 a day right now. Luckily my parents help out and we're trying to get me clean.

I had to withdrawal from school for this semester because I was missing so much class going to doctors, and I was constantly hurting and couldn't walk. While I needed the meds, I still had a problem with them. My back problem seems to be resolving himself and I'm hopefully saving from making a trip to the Mayo Clinic. I just want my life back. I want to go back to school and be 19. I think I have the strength and willpower to do it.

God bless

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 42211
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 15, 2007Views: 29,365
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Opiates (207), Oxycodone (176) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Medical Use (47), Various (28)

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