Why I Love/Hate Cocaine
Citation:   Anthony. "Why I Love/Hate Cocaine: An Experience with Cocaine (exp42080)". Erowid.org. Aug 1, 2007. erowid.org/exp/42080

  repeated insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
It was sometime in mid-March of 2005 the very first time I ever did cocaine. I was extremely apprehensive. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's ever gone through this. I was worried because I had been misinformed my entire life by my parents, church, school, government, and the media. Please don't think that I have an extremely casual attitude towards coke, but I do believe that almost all things are okay in moderation and coke is certainly nowhere near as evil as those in-charge would lead us to believe.

So this was my first night doing coke. Before this I had only ever smoked weed, which I was doing fairly habitually at this point in my life. The setting was with two friends at one of their houses. A more experienced friend suggested that I just take a little bump first just to be safe. A few minutes after my bump I was feeling some numbness in my face and throat, but I wasn't quite high yet. After I had just thought about how I felt for a while and my friends had taken some lines I decided to take two more.

After this I did get high. I felt like the fucking man. My throat and nose were extremely numb at this point, at times my body would tingle. I became very talkative, I felt like an intellectual god. and I loved to look at myself in the mirror. Maybe 20 or 30 minutes after I had taken those two lines we went to go smoke some weed to help with the comedown. The entire experience was extremely enjoyable for me. For days I felt that if at any time I was for some mysterious reason offered a line by someone I would not be able to refuse it.

One night, maybe a week later, one of my friends that I had shared my first coke experience with and I decided to get a dub. That's a little less than half a gram. I don't remember the details of this night all that well because it was a little while ago after all and nothing too significant happened. It was an extremely enjoyable night. I got fairly jacked up, had a good time, loved the world, loved myself, and then smoked some weed for the comedown.

The next time I did coke, it was maybe a half a week to a week later. I had asked my friend to pick up a dub for me one day, but he had a hard time getting in touch with his connects for a little while. Finally though, fortune smiled upon us and maybe as soon as a night or two later I had my dub. It was the night of April the 5th. This was probably the best time I've ever had with coke thus far. It was very personal and private and I just went at my own pace and enjoyed myself.

I started at like midnight and took two lines. I got a cig and moisturized both ends so I could dab some coke on. I smoke cigs like a chimney when I am jacked up. I went out and smoked and just walked around and thought about life for a little while. I felt very good. I talked to two friends very briefly while I was outside. After maybe 30 minutes I went back inside and took two more lines. Once again, I am the fucking man. I went outside and smoked some more and talked on the phone a bit more. At one point, I remember laying down on the concrete of my driveway, staring at the stars, and just letting my body feel the way it did. When I get fairly high off of coke, it feels like a mild prolonged orgasm, but only from the waist up. My breathing quickens and I just feel good almost all over.

I went back in and two final lines. These two were prolly the thickest. Another 30 minutes later, I was smoking weed for the comedown. This entire night was very enjoyable. It only served to completely solidify the affectionate feelings I have towards cocaine. The next day I had to exercise a fair amount of discipline and self-control to not procur more coke.

My most recent experience with cocaine occurred last night. Now I know that this is only two days after my previous coke session, but something had happened during the day that had depressed me quite a bit. I really just did not care. So I called up my friend and asked him to get me a dub. We ended up getting two and doing equal amounts together. We could not go back either of our houses at this point in the evening, and not wanting to wait to get jacked up we took some lines in my car. In retrospect, I feel this may have been a mistake. I like to sort of just chill and not do anything too demanding when I am jacked up. This night though, I ended up having to drive around for quite a while while I was jacked up. I think this may have caused a little anxiety and paranoia.

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

I still felt really good. Once again I was the fucking man, but this time in the back of my head I was a little worried and my stomach kept hurting a little. We eventually went back to my friends house and finished our baggies. Honestly, this high just was not nearly as enjoyable as the previous three. I can't be too sure why, but I think it just has alot to do with what I had eaten, how little sleep I had gotten, I had gotten anxious driving around, and I don't think I got enough to stay very jacked up for long when I took my last lines. The peak of my high came and went very fast.

After that when I was coming down I could just feel every inch of my body. I was sleepy and my stomach hurt but I could not fall asleep. I was a little anxious, and I was half enjoying myself and half wishing that I could just stop feeling what I was feeling. I had sort of a sensory overload. Eventually I left my friends house and went home. When I went home I was still just way too awake, so I took off running down my street and ran until it hurt. I went into my house then, at this point it was maybe 2am. I stripped down to my boxers, turned on a fan, and purposefully covered my alarm clock. I definately did not want to be able to see the time. I laid down and concentrated on making my breathing normal. I tried to get as comfortable as I could and I closed my eyes.

It simply was not that easy. You see I did not have any weed for the comedown this evening. I had no alcohol in the house. Really I had absolutely nothing useful. So I had to tough it out. I tossed and turned for a while. My stomach hurt. I was hungry, but I couldn't eat. I was really tired but I just couldn't stop thinking. I felt a little feverish at times but finally at some unknown point in the evening I fell into a very uncomfortable sleep. I remember waking up at one point and wondering if I had really slept or just gone crazy and thought I had slept. I got up and looked at my alarm clock. It was 9:28 in the morning. I felt a little victorious. I felt like it was over. So I jumped back into bed and didn't wake up until maybe noon. It's 2 in the afternoon right now and I still feel a little groggy and a little sick, but it's not at all bad. I'll get something to eat soon and feel much better.

I really don't know how I feel about cocaine right now. I mean I love it. When my high goes well cocaine is beautiful. But I might hate cocaine a little too. If I'm in a not fun setting and I don't have anything to help with the comedown it's fucking miserable. Honestly, I think that if a friend came to my door right now and had some coke and wanted to cut out some lines, I'd be all for it. I also feel, however, that I will not be the one suggesting that we do coke anytime soon. Maybe I'll feel up to buying some in two or three weeks.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 42080
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 1, 2007Views: 23,715
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Cocaine (13) : Hangover / Days After (46), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

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