Citation: Watson-387. "Your Warmth Seduced Me: An Experience with Hydrocodone (exp41850)". Erowid.org. Oct 25, 2020. erowid.org/exp/41850
Opiates...a sense of whole while broken. That is the best way I can think of describing the cause & effect of the drug.
I have been on Hydrocodone (Vicodin/Lorcet) for 10 years with perhaps 2 months of total abstinence from Opiates during that time. I was taking an average of 5 pills per day for all of those years. Like many others, Opiates came into my life innocently via an Rx written by the Dentist. The warmth & sense of calm I felt from Opiates could not be compared to any other drug I had taken (and I've taken them all). It was the only substance that seemed to have more of an understanding of me than I did of myself. Opiates became an entity - a friend. In dulling my sorrows, I dulled my entire being & lived in a fog of Opiated-induced euphoria. I managed to live life 'normally' whereby I functioned like anyone else. I completed College, worked at good jobs, got married, had a child and basically lived the American dream. That is until I ran out. Then 10+ yrs. worth of emotion was unleashed with a fury and rage that only a demon could exude. Withdrawal. It broke me and made me realize I was not a functioning adult, but rather, simply functioning while on Opiates. The feelings of guilt, inadequacy and anger consumed me while my mind and body attempted to maintain some level of normalcy. The drug in essence took who I was, warped that person and created a prototype that was fed off Opiates and rejected everything else.
Now, I am ready to quit and regain my life and sense of who I truly am off of this stuff. It won't be easy and I can already predict failure (have to keep it real with myself), but at least I now have the drive to stop. All the best to everyone!
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