Citation: Leina. "Perpetually Running: An Experience with Crack (exp41816)". Erowid.org. Nov 28, 2006. erowid.org/exp/41816
I was only 14 when I first smoked crack. I was never really a bad kid even though I had a really bad attitude towards anyone that did the slightest thing to upset me. I was smart in all advanced classes, even though I failed almost all of them because I didn't give a fuck. I was pretty popular and not bad looking. Then one day I snuck out with my friend, letís call her S, 17, and got really messed up on Xanex, liqour, weed, Caladopin, Oxy Cotton and at least 10 lines of coke. I don't remember anything that happened that night except being handcuffed in a back of cop car and spending 2 weeks in a teenage crisis facility. S went there voluntarily a week after I did because she wanted to get off Heroin. They told me that they were going to send me to a residential rehabilation program for 3-9 months. S had to go there too, and about a month after living there we couldn't take it anymore and we escaped.
When we ran away from the program we both only had 15$ on us each, and the first thing we did was take a bus to the other side of the town. We had no place to stay and S suggested we stay at an abandoned house she and her ex boyfriend used to stay at when they ran away. It wasn't that bad except for one thing-we had no money what so ever. So I managed to break into my house and take $60. We made a deal to spend $30 on her bag of heroin and the other $30 on my bag of coke. I met a guy, M, he was a bum in his early 30's and S knew him from sometime earlier and he said he'd get us our dope so we gave him the money. He suggested that we smoke some rocks with him, S had done it before once or twice but I hadn't, and I wasn't too hesitant. I knew how 'bad' it was but I had nothing to lose. He had a glass pipe and he put a piece of an embro in it, then a tic tac sized square of crack in it and as he lit it, it made a sizzling sound.
I'll never forget the first hit I took, my mouth and lips instantly went completely numb. I felt as if I could control anything and everything and I was really talkative. I loved it. I took the biggest drag ever, and my throat felt like it was on fire, and after I thought I couldn't inhale it anymore-I inhaled even more. M went to give our money to the dealer, but little did we know was the he spent it all on crack. Later he told us to wait for him where he stayed and he left his crack pipe with us. Me and S were smoking it like nothing, after there was none left I kept trying to get a hit and for a while I actually thought I was hitting it because my mouth was so numb. S kept telling me to stop that there wasn't any left but I had to have more. It was all I could think about. More.
Later that night we met a friend of Mís, B. We needed to get more money, and that's when S told me that she was trickin. I was kind of shocked but I always thought she was a hooker. Billy took her to a place where she was to fuck a bunch of mexicans for $20 each. I was coming down, and it was the worst feeling in the world. I was scared and paranoid, I couldn't stop chewing my lip, and all I could think about was getting more. I had formed really painful blisters on the inside of my lip but even then I couldn't stop chewing 'em. S came back with over 200$ and we had spent it all on crack. We went back to Bís work place to smoke it, I was so in love with it, I had convinced myself I was going to become a crackhead because I loved it so much there was no way I'd give it up. The bad part of is that it only gets me high for about 15 minutes so we kept smoking non stop.
B had stolen Mís crackpipe and given it to us because he ripped us off big time with the money we gave him for our dope. When we came back to the abandoned house we smoked more, and after smoking $200 worth of crack and coming down off it was the most indescribable worst feeling in the world and the only way to stop was to smoke more. After we had none left, I kept trying to hit the pipe again until the glass got so hot it popped and I had a tiny piece of glass stuck right next to my eye, I couldn't feel anything and I didn't know what happened until S told me. I felt like my whole body was jello, I would glide through the room instead of walking.
I smoked crack quite a few more times after this with my back then boyfriend T and his friend P. The other times I smoked crack felt almost nothing like the first but I was already convinced I was on the verge of addiction after smoking non stop for 2 weeks. S got caught 2 weeks after we ran, she was pulled over be a cop while walking down the with a crackpipe and a heroin needle in her purse. When she got caught she left her diary in my bag, in it I read that all the money I had taken from my house and all the money she would get trickin she would spend on Heroin and not tell me.
Sometimes after cooking crack over a toilet seat in a public bathroom I'd stare at myself in the mirror and think 'who the fuck are you?'. I wasn't anywhere near to who I used to be, I didn't even feel like the same person. The only thing I lived for was another blast. and another and another.
4 months later I came back home and I didn't have to go back to my rehabilitation program. I haven't smoked crack since I came home but I've had a lot of cravings. I had some withdrawals after quitting cold turkey. I still think about it on daily basis. I think most of the reason why I stopped smoking crack is because of the way I felt when I was coming down. The high only lasts 15 minutes, but coming down takes me up to 2 hours. Also because I was so in love with it I was ready to do anything and everything to get some and I was scared of the person I've become.
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