Citation: A Dude. "2 Year Addiction: An Experience with Methylphenidate (exp41172)". Erowid.org. Jun 11, 2007. erowid.org/exp/41172
||Pharms - Methotrimeprazine
Methylphenidate. The word seems so simple and innocent, like any prescription compound out there. I guess it was innocent really until it met my nose.
About two years ago I was prescribed Ritalin. I was 30 at the time and I was well well versed in addiction (alcohol - recovering at the time.) At first, I was on 5mg twice a day and at that oral dose I lost a little weight and was able to actually focus. I was a new man! I had the power of focus and drive for the first time in probably a decade. Everything was going wonderful as I was able to get twice the work done with a smile.
Now let me backtrack to College. Just a little flashback on Cocaine. I did Cocaine twice and the second time I realized that it addicts a split second after the first euphoric rush because the second time we got coke my thoughts were, 'His line is bigger.' That is a thought I've never had with a drug before. I now see that I can buy love if only for a few minutes and luckily I graduated college a week later to a world of no drug dealers (by choice.)
Methylphenidate was the perfect compound for me until that day I crushed a pill and put it up my nose. 5mg and BAM I was 'the man.' It wasn't as strong as coke or even close to the high really. The thing is when I am leading a sober and boring 9-5 life touching anything that creates a sense of euphoric well being is like falling into mutual love with the girl I always liked.
I lied to get my dose upped to 40mg a day after just one month of abuse. Most of the time everything was fine. Wake up and snort 20mg then come home for lunch and do the same. Work was going great, my best work ever happened during those days.
After about three months I got to the point where I would run out a week early. It didn't bother me except that first morning out of bed.
Fast forward to now. I go threw 60 20mg pills every week or so. None of them go threw my mouth.
As I write this Methylphenidate has stopped working like it did. I'm a recluse. I'm 1/2 the man I used to be at work and in social circles even after snorting 20mg. A few times, after being up 30 hours plus, I've had mental breakdowns.
I've noticed that even though I don't think about the compound a few days after I run out that the abuse has changed me in some way. My thoughts seem to get ahead of my thoughts and reality. An example of this just happened as I write. I typed 'eaxmle' not 'example' like my mind had skipped forward on it's output.
Every time I go to get the pills I say, 'I'm not going to snort them' and I get home a bust out the Mortar and pistil. I actually get sleepy now when I do it but sleep is impossible.
I just got my first write up at work for going off on someone in a drug/sleepless induced rage. They drug tested me and found nothing so I played it off as agoraphobia.
What to do now? I'm not happy either way. I'm drinking again. I don't remember what love fells like.
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