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A Blessing and a Curse
Amphetamines (Adderall)
by Jst
Citation:   Jst. "A Blessing and a Curse: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp40346)". Erowid.org. Apr 19, 2008. erowid.org/exp/40346

 
DOSE:
  repeated   Amphetamines

BODY WEIGHT: 150 lb


I've been taking 20 mg of the extended release version of Adderall as prescribed for the last three years and had taken it to study or as a 'social lubricant' very sporadically from the age of 18 on. Needless to say I have a few opinions, good and bad.

One thing is that without a doubt, I'm addicted - both psychologically and physically. The feeling of control that I get and the complete lucidity of thought is unparalleled and something that I am hard pressed to give up. Going from introvert to extrovert in the time it takes for a pill to come on - without it being apparent to others that there's some sort of intoxicant involved - is a godsend. In controlled doses taken for a small period of time Adderall is unbelievably helpful for any number of things. Early on, it reminded me of a more restrained ecstacy high. Over time though, I become stuck in a 'can't live with it, can't live without it' cycle of dependency which I'm currently - and unsuccessfully - trying to end.

A few things I've noticed. One - It does affect judgement in certain situations. The feeling of control that comes with an amphetamine high can quickly turn into a feeling of invincibility and a blindness to the consequences of spending, talking out my ass, or spending 5 hours of my time organizing something as trivial as my closet. The strength of focus on Adderall is a double-edged sword, often rendering anything peripheral to the task I've set for myself almost invisible.

Two - my stomach has suffered greatly. I've noticed that myself and a few (but not all) of the people I know taking it, now have serious - at times dehabilitating - digestion problems. It might not sound like such a big deal, but I know that if I take it before a meal I'll be in the bathroom soon after and it won't be pretty. Too much info? Too bad.

Three - Physical and mental exhaustion. To take Adderall with any frequency requires quite a bit from my mind and body. I've found that with prolonged use, the Adderall euphoria and focus can sometimes be replaced by restlessness and complete lethargy and it was all a crap shoot. Some days are fine, others I'll take it and end up exhausted and moody within an hour or so.

And four - the withdrawl. Enough has been written here on the withdrawl so I'll cut it short.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 40346
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Apr 19, 2008Views: 7,732
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Amphetamines (6) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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