Opiate Addiction Destroys Ambition
Citation:   P Bro. "Opiate Addiction Destroys Ambition: An Experience with Opiates (exp38966)". Erowid.org. May 10, 2007. erowid.org/exp/38966

  repeated   Opiates
Curiousity killed the cat, so they say. In my case, curiousity landed me into a horrible, aggitated state of un-ending addiction and withdrawal symptoms...

I've abused various narcotic analgesics over the past couple years. At first, I thought I was just going through an experimental stage that many modern-day teenagers that've been exposed to drugs go through. During this stage, I thought that I was 'invincible' and could overcome any habituations, as I had experimented with many other mind-altering substances (THC, Psilocybn, Alcohol, Nicotine, Amphetamines, Cocaine, Benzodiazepines, DXM, Ketamine, Muscle Relaxers, Sedatives, and probably other stuff that I currently can't remember) and kicked them aside without becoming dependent upon any of them. Ultimately, I was just a fun-loving stoner with an acute appreciation towards mind-altering substances and the various perpetual learning experiences that came along with the often interesting and entertaining times associated with their use. With a confident mind-set, I thought that I was unstoppable, and could get away with using any drug as much as I wanted. Boy, was I ever wrong.

I don't really even remember the first time I ever used opiates. Around age 16, I had found some of my mom's previous codeine and vicodin prescriptions and had experimented with them off and on, but not enough to really formulate any tolerance/habituation towards opiates. In fact, I wasn't even interested in opiates at the time. As the following year passed, I had witnessed a good friend of mine falling slowly into a horrible addiction to hydrocodone, and vowed to never develop such a wasteful attitude.

Then, as the year passed by, I got the chance to experience Fentanyl(600mcg) lolipops. I slowly salivated and soaked up one lolipop, then started on another right after I finished the first one. It was the most euphoric, comfortable state of existence that I had ever witnessed. During most of that experience, I nodded in and out of awareness of my surroundings as my consciousness was overwhelmingly consumed by the incredible peace, warmth, and blissfully ignorant sedation that I had become. After this experience, I was definitely interested in opiates, and was looking forward to the next time that I would stumble across more.

As time passed, I tried Oxycontin, Morphine, Percosets, Codeine, and namely, Vicoprofen. A friend of mine had access to prescriptions of morphine via a relative of his, and I had spent one summer using morphine for a month, then going without opiates a couple months before getting more access. I loved using morphine, but I could go without it if I had to.

Finally, another friend of mine at my job had informed me that he had access to hundreds of 7.5/200 mg vicoprofens(7.5 hydrocodone bitartrate by 200 ibuprofen), as a friend of his worked in a pharmacy and was able to inquire some. After that, I was able to get as many vicoprofens that I wanted for more than a year. Not thinking much of it, and definitely considering myself an avid fan of opiod analgesics, I thouroughly indulged in this opportunity and began using opiates on a regular basis.

Figuring that some people take two or three 800 mg tablets of ibuprofen a day, I thought that I would be safe from harm to my health. It started off as only taking two, maybe three at a time, but quickly escalated into four or five. During this span of abuse, I was taking vicoprofen every day for approximately 8 months, and ended up taking 5 or 6 vicoprofens at a time just to gain the same feeling that I started with. Towards the end, I would take 25-30 a day just to feel okay, as I used to be able to get bottles and bottles containing 100 Vicos each. It was getting to the point to where I was using a bottle every 3-4 days! Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself the entire time since I had consistent access, but slowly, my psyche and attitude began spiraling towards deep depression.

Once that connection had finally dried up, as the pharm man quit his job, I was left with nothing but the most intense feelings of paranoid schizophrenia accompanied by rushing panic, hair-raising chills, severe nervousness, and terrible joint pain. Desperate and frightful, I began looking for other opiate connections, with some success. Not more than a week after I decided that I was going to quit since I didn't have constant access anymore, the opportunity arose to get morphine, and I fell back into addiction again.

This time around, I was able to stumble across MS Contins(100mg), and even tried heroin for the first time ever, even after I told myself that I would never get into doing that junk. Once I ran out of access, recovering was once again a miserable, everyday nightmare. Luckily, some xanex and ativan surfaced, and I was going through tons of benzos to help with my symptoms. I managed to go almost a month, until I finally relapsed again into using Codeine Phosphate 30/300 mg tablets (30 Codeine, 300 Acetaminophen) and a few Propoxyphene tablets on the side.

My withdrawal symptoms aren't near as bad as they were, but they still linger, as I use codeine to this day since I've stashed away about 500 or so T3's. I only use sparingly for my back pain from working at my job, but I definitely go through withdrawal, as my tolerance seems to be peeking out again. The distillation process for codeine seems to work rather well, and 15 tablets can give me quite a nice, morphine-like sedation if processed just right. Once in while, it's nice to enjoy a strong dose, but I've been trying to limit my use.

If you are reading this, and have been thinking about experimenting with opiates, please, give CAREFUL and SERIOUS consideration towards what you're getting into. There are definitely consequences to be suffered for those who gain high tolerance, and in my opinion, these consequences are defintely not worth the experience at all! Please, take my word for it; getting attatched to opiates is no fun at all! You spend most of your time trying to feel as good as you felt the first time you tried them, and living with withdrawal symptoms is like waking up every morning into a panic-state of hell.

Hopefully, this report will help some people in gaining perspective from an experienced user. Please, be safe, know yourself, and keep the peace.

Love and respect,

P Bro

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 38966
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: May 10, 2007Views: 78,200
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Opiates (207), Pharms - Fentanyl (223), Hydrocodone (111), Morphine (211) : General (1), Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

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