Citation: Estiky. "Totally Relaxed: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp38517)". Erowid.org. May 25, 2006. erowid.org/exp/38517
Let me begin by giving you a brief history of myself. Iím currently a junior in high school. I started smoking weed when I was in 8th grade after being convinced by a very close friend how enjoyable it is. I have smoked weed since then modestly, not because I donít enjoy it but rather because I donít want it to interfere with school (I do good in school by the way) and also I have always been a bit nervous of my parents finding out I do it and changing the way they think of me and stuff though Iím still the same person Iíve always been but they might not understand that. I have lots of ambitions in life as well which I will never let any drug interfere with, ya know, the usual, college, a good job, a family. As well as smoking I also drink, but VERY rarely.
To be honest I have probably only been drunk 4 times in my life (which I am quite proud of by the way considering the immense pressure from friends to do it). Its fun but I have always found it to be a bit too much work. I am a relaxation drug user, I'm not addicted, I donít need them to feel sufficient in life, I simply enjoy them occasionally to get away from the everyday stresses of life and occasional problems with family and such. All of my choices in my life have been my own, I have never, nor will ever, blame anyone for any kind of trouble or bad experiences I have had or will have in school, life, work, and while using drugs. My actions are my own, no one has ever forced me into something I havenít felt comfortable doing and I will never let that happen to me. I refuse to take the scapegoat 'peer pressure' excuse, I am my own person, and I take full responsibility for all my actions good and bad. This has been my guiding 'rule of life' if you will, that I have lived by all my life.
Ok so now you know a bit about me so let me get to what I actually started this report for. I had never done any other drugs other than marijuana and alcohol until my sophomore year in high school. I was at a friendís house one night watching TV and doing other things bored teens do to pass the time. He got up and walked away, and was back a few minutes later with an orange pill bottle in his hand. He told me it was a medication called Adderall XR his parents were making him take to do better in school. I had heard of taking Adderall to get high before by a few people in the past but up until this point it had never really interested me. He offered me two 20mg pills of it for $5 which I accepted. He told me that I wonít be hungry for a while after I take them and that I should take both but make sure I do it in the morning because If I do it late in the day I might not be able to get to sleep. He also told me that the XR on the pills meant that they were 'extended release' which meant that I would feel the effects of them soon after taking them and then I would feel them again about as strong as I did after taking them to begin with a few hours after the initial ingestion. Basically, one 20mg XR Adderall taken in the morning will take the place of one normal 20mg Adderall taken in the morning and then another 20mg Adderall taken at night in an attempt to limit the amount of pills one needs in order to get the same effect. We then said our goodbyes and I headed back to my house to get a good night sleep before school the next morning.
I woke up for school around 6:50 am the next morning. I went about my normal routine, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and went downstairs and grabbed a banana to eat on my way to the bus stop. Before stepping out the door I remembered the Adderall I had acquired the night before. I ran upstairs and grabbed the little baggy containing two 20mg adderall. I was hesitant at first because I NEVER do drugs during or before school, but I remembered what my friend had told me about Adderall, that they are given to help kids concentrate in school so I figured, well heck, might as well try it. I walked out the door at 7:10 am and commenced eating the banana and one 20mg pill on my way to the bus. I rapped up the other pill in the baggy and shoved it back into my pocket.
On the bus ride to school I felt normal, maybe a little more mellow than usual but that could have very well been a placebo affect *my brain tricking me into thinking I was feeling the affects of the Adderall even if I really wasn't'. I arrived at school around 7:20ish not really feeling any of the affects that I had been promised by my friend. I went to my locker and unpacked my bookbag and went on my way talking to friends before school started. I had a normal conversation with them like I do everyday however I neglected to mention I had taken an Adderall for fear it might be overheard by a teacher (as stated at the beginning I am a sort of paranoid person when it comes to using drugs). The warning bell for homeroom rang around 7:30 which signifies I have about 5 minutes to get to homeroom before the late bell rings and I am counted late for school. I began walking to my homeroom and remembered the second Adderall I had in my pocket. I thought that since I wasnít feeling anything from the first 20mg's I needed another 20mg's to make this whole experience worth while so I stopped by a water fountain and downed the second pill quickly in an attempt to not let anyone notice (in my school even taking a Tylenol without the presence of the nurse and a note from home is grounds for suspension so god knows what theyíd do if they knew I was taking an Adderall to get high). After taking the second pill I went on my way to homeroom.
School started normally and I went through my first two classes of the day without feeling the affects or at least anything that I could clearly contribute to my use of adderall. During my second period class I felt a slight comfortable tingle in my neck that at the time I didn't attribute to the adderall. At the end of my second period class (approximately 10:02am) I was utterly disappointed in Adderall which from the stories I had heard in the past promises better concentration, relaxation, and a desire to do schoolwork (which I was told is actually fun to do while on adderall).I headed to my third period class with disappointment and the realization that much to my dismay this was going to be another boring day at school and I still had another 4 hours or so of boredom to go (atleast that what I thought at the time).
I walked into my third period class which is tech (basically a modern day woodshop) and sat at my desk as the teacher called roll. As each of the names left his mouth they seemed to travel through the air and bounce around in my head, I felt like I knew everyone whos name he had called. Like more than just acquaintances at school, like I lived their life as well, perhaps I was their brother or sister was my mindset during this interesting experience. After all the names were called we commenced watching a video on proper use of a scroll saw. At this point in time I realized that these Adderall were actually worth that $5 I paid for them, going from no effect on me at all to a calm euphoria impressed me, and I wondered (still to this day, a year later) why it took it so long to effect me when I had heard from others the effects come on pretty quickly. But I soon dismissed my pondering of this question as unimportant and continued watching the video. I watched the video intently and every word the scruffy man in the flannel shirt and goggles said made complete and total since to me and I absorbed every bit of information he threw at me.
Simply being awake during a school instructional video I had seen many times before was pretty amazing to me, but actually PAYING ATTENTION TO IT!?!?... Oh man this had to be the Adderall and I loved every bit of it... After coming to this stunning realization, the bell for fourth period (AKA long hour because it is twice as long as normal classes because it is the period where everyone goes to lunch in half hour intervals then back to class again until all classes have eaten lunch) rang.
I made my way through the hallway with a sense of joy that I never had before, I felt as if I fit in with everyone else around me but it was even more than that, it was like we were all one unit with the same goals. I have always gotten along well with others and have always been a relatively popular person in school. I'm not the star of the football team or anything like that but I have always been that guy that other guys like to be around because he's calm and relaxed and that the ladies enjoy being around because he's funny and polite. But walking down the hallway was a feeling different then just feeling like I belonged, it was much more than that and it was definitely one of the highlights of my experience with adderall. So as I walked to my long hour English class I saw my friend who had given me the two 20mg gifts from god the night before. I pulled him aside and told him how I felt and that I appreciated him introducing them to me. He modestly accepted my gratitude and we left to go to our respective long hour classes.
I got to my English class in record time, I was nearly the first one there. I sat calmly in my seat and waited for the bell to ring signifying the beginning of the usual, relatively boring 2 hour long period (at least thatís what long hour is like on most days, not this one however). While waiting for the bell I reflected on my recent venture through the hallway and my conversation with my friend. I realized that while talking to my friend about the Adderall's he had given me I said it openly, or rather, more calmly then I usually would. I was still cautious of others listening in and I was careful not to let any teachers or administrators hear but at the same time I was not afraid of it, I just knew I couldn't let it happen. I realized that while on Adderall my anxiety while talking about drugs in public disappeared and I became a more rational person, perhaps a more mature adult at that point in time. People had told me that on occasion when on Adderall they feel nervous like everyone knows they are on it but that was certainly not the case with me. While examining my new found bravery I was interrupted by the bell. English class had begun. We began this class like nearly every other one before this, with a journal entry. I pulled my marble notebook from beneath my chair and opened it to the first clean page. 'If I lived on maple street...' was the subject of the journal entry today. It coincided with a book we had been reading about a young hispanic girl growing up in a poor neighborhood and her everyday struggles. The teacher wanted us to explain the hardships we might experience if we had lived in the fictional town we had been reading about for the past few weeks.
I began writing and soon became enthralled in what I was writing while at the same time I was having fun and enjoying it which is usually not the case for me, especially when drawing conclusions and ideas from books I am reading which is by far not a strong point of mine. The best way I can describe what it was like while writing the journal is that my mind was completely awake and writing ideas on paper that on a normal day I wouldnít be able to express in words, however, at the same time I was enjoying a comfortable numbness all throughout my body, it was a warm tingle I had felt since the beginning of my tech class about an hour ago. It was a feeling that in my best way of describing is similar to when I smoke marijuana but instead of being dead to the world my efficient and even when my teacher would talk to me I would leave my state of euphoria for a moment, answer his question very intelligently as I would any other day, and then return happily to my comfortable numbness. It was very enjoyable.
That is probably the one aspect of Adderall that I liked the most, I could be as high as when I'm smoking marijuana but I could also be straight edge and serious when I needed to be, like talking to a teacher or parent without them even having a remote hint that I was high and then going right back to euphoria. It's almost as if while on adderall, I can control when I want to be high... I know that seems crazy and some may say 'thats probably because you weren't high you just thought you were'. Let me assure you I was very high, and infact my theory of 'controlling an Adderall high' was agreed upon by a few of my friends who had similar experiences with Adderall. Back in English class I had just finished writing my journal entry which I was very proud of. I finished up not a moment too soon as the bell for my lunch rang at around 12:30pm.
I headed to lunch and got in line, I wasn't really hungry at all which wasn't a surprise to me because I was told in advance I wouldn't be. Just to be on the safe side I grabbed a bag of chips and a fruit punch drink. I sat down with my friends and began eating and drinking but ended up throwing half the food away. Eating while on Adderall didn't make me sick but it was like eating on a full stomach, it's not very enjoyable. I talked with my friends at lunch and felt very social, almost like everyone was hanging on every word I said and if I stopped now I would be letting them down. It was a good experience. On the way back to class I was talking with a friend of mine I had known for many years. He doesn't use drugs but at the same time accepts that I use them occasionally to relax and unwind. I told him that I had taken 40mg of Adderall earlier and explained to him how good I was feeling. He laughed and said he couldn't even tell I was on anything. I had no red eyes like marijuana and no stumbling and slurred speech like drinking. I was quite pleased when he told me that until I told him he would have never guessed nor suspected. I made my way back to english class and spent the next hour or so reading a book with the rest of the class, sometimes having to backtrack because I got myself too far ahead of the rest of the class while reading a book that would bore me to tears on any other day. The bell rang around 1:20pm and I made the trip to my final class of the day, art.
I got to art class and was greeted by my teacher and told to get the drawing we had been working on out and begin working on it. I got inside and grabbed my drawing, it was of a white and black tiger. I sat down and began drawing. Other student began piling into the class before the late bell which would usually distract me but I couldn't care less because I wanted to make sure I got every detail of the tiger I possible could into my drawing, I was drawing hairs and whiskers I never noticed before. I spent the next hour having the most fun in any class I have ever had in my life. I was drawing one of the most gorgeous, detailed pictures I had ever drawn, having fun conversations with my other classmates, listening to the teachers, and enjoying an intense euphoria at the same time. I felt as if the world had stopped for a moment because what I was doing was important. It didnít matter what was going on around me, and who care what the score of the football game was, because at that moment I was doing everything everyone expected of me, people were enjoying being around me, and I was having the time of my life.
School ended around 2:00pm and I enjoyed the rest of the day at home. The tingling ended around 3:30 and was followed by a deep sense of calm. I fell asleep that night only a bit later then normal (around 1:00am) and woke up like normal the next day. The effects of the Adderall were all but gone. The only real side effect of the Adderall I experienced was a bit of tiredness the day afterwards which was more enjoyable then a hassle in my opinion. It felt as though I had a really long sleep the night before and simply felt comfortably tired during school the next day which was in great contrast to the tired, burnt out feeling I had experienced when smoking marijuana and then waking up for school early the next morning.
NOW....... jump ahead about a year, and I sit here.
I have not used Adderall since the experience I have written about above until today. The reason for that is that I havent had a craving for it and like I said earlier I dont use drugs very often, which hasn't really changed over the past year. However a few nights ago I was down at my friends house (the one that had sold me the Adderall a year earlier) and he said that he had just got a new Adderall perscription except this time they were for 30mg's instead of 20mg's. I left his house that night with five 30mg Adderall and a gram of marijuana.
I have smoked about half a gram of the marijuana over the past two nights or so. This brings me to today, I woke up this morning with 1/2 a gram of weed and 6 30mg adderall. I was off school today so I figured I would take one which I ingested on an empty stomach right after I woke up today around noon. Much to my surprise, and pleasure, this time the Adderall affected me immediately and I laid down to watch TV for a bit while a comforting sensation ran through my body much like I experienced with the two 20mgers a year ago, except I would probably say that It felt even better this time. I watched TV a bit longer and enjoyed the euphoria.
I then got up and ate a bit of food even though I already didn't have an appetite which is a common side effect from adderall. After getting a bit of food down I decided to take another 30mg Adderall today at 1:00pm about an hour or so after the first one I took. I spent the next 2 hours or so watching tv in my own little paradise extremely numb and warm and comforted. At one point I even found myself in a deep conversation with my dad. We discussed something that was going on in our lives at the moment (nothing to do with drugs by the way). This conversation took place around 3:30pm today and the 60mg of Adderall were in effect. Even if I wasn't on Adderall during this conversation im sure it would have still meant a lot to me but while on it I realized this was probably one of the best conversations me and my father have ever had together. We were both on the same page and I felt like I connected with him like I never had before, I even became a bit emotional but nothing huge.
We then watched a bit of tv together in silence but it still seemed like we were bonding. I then had to force myself to get up off the couch around 4:00pm. One thing I've noticed is that while Iím on Adderall it is hard for me to get up and do things at first because I'm too comfortable and I donít want to move, but when I finally do get up and start something else all of my focus moves to the new thing and I want to do it the best possible way I can and put all my effort into which would usually be considered boring work for me but while on Adderall is an absolute blast to do and I'm in fact proud of everything I accomplish when I get done. Also, I noticed today that while on the Adderall I am a bit more sensitive to things, not emotionally but rather physically and in a positive way in fact. When I pick up our cat its almost like a texture I have never felt before, like I could feel every single hair on my cat touching my arms and hands separately which is a very cool feeling.
So back to my day: I got up off the couch and I went to the computer room around 4:15pm and decided that I wanted to write about my two experiences with Adderall because the information could benefit others. So thatís how this entire experience report started and after a few bathroom breaks, a little bit of dinner, and a few music/tv (which is very relaxing and numbing by the way) breaks, it is 9:00pm and I am just now finishing up. I had so much to write about and to be honest I had a whole heck of alotta fun doing this. I have school tomorrow and I am currently debating whether I should take two more Adderall before school in the morning since I still have 3 left but I think I will decided that in the morning.
My high from earlier is starting to fade away but I am still relaxed and focused on everything I do. 12:00pm-9:00pm and complete euphoria the entire time, I'd say it was worth it, for me at least. I had a wonderful conversation with my dad which I think brought us closer together, had a very much deserved relaxation day, and was able to write this for anyone that wants a truthful account of someones experiences with Adderall which in all honesty, has probably benefited me more than it will anyone who reads it as it has definitely been a VERY therapeutic experience for me. All in all I would say that I am definitely going to try Adderall again because I have had nothing but positive, enlightening experiences with it so far. Perhaps the only downsides of Adderall that I have experienced as of this point in time is that at the moment I have the slight chills as the Adderall is wearing off, however that very well may be because I am only in a t-shirt and jeans and its pretty cold outside so I really donít know, another thing is that I have noticed my heart beats pretty fast while I'm on adderall, not panicy or anything and it's not all that bothersome but I have noticed it. As well as continuing to use Adderall smartly.
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