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Overcoming Inhibitions
MDMA (Ecstasy)
by Monty
Citation:   Monty. "Overcoming Inhibitions: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp38232)". Erowid.org. Aug 19, 2007. erowid.org/exp/38232

 
DOSE:
1 tablet oral MDMA (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 127 lb


While in search of some mushrooms we came across a friend of a friend that had anything but the magic fungus. My friends and I took interest in some LSD and MDMA. This post will be about the MDMA experience, one that truly changed my life!

It being my first MDMA experience I was quite nervous, as I am with all the new drugs I try, as I realize that I am basically doing something to myself that will take control away from me. A group of myself and three close friends, my boyfriend C, a friend since high school R, and a newly found friend who is becoming more part of this growing family M. We decided to take the X and our house wanting a true bonding experience. We prepared by pulling all our futon mattresses together in the living room, making one huge bed. We figured we could roll around hugging and touching, since that’s what we had read we were going to want to do.

My boyfriend, C, made some orange juice, which was supposed to enhance the experience, the rest of us did not. We downed the pill around 6:40 pm and waited. We kept ourselves busy listening to the Beatles, Beck, Radiohead, and Moby with a surround sound speaker system. About 45 min or so later I looked at my hands and saw that they looked particularly strange, sort of 'rubbery'. They freaked me out a bit so I quickly looked away. I laid back on a mattress between R and C. I became significantly warmer and the top of my head began to tingle. I began to panic a bit, perhaps because of a lack of control, so I asked C and R to help calm me. They grabbed my hands and talked to me about how the pill will necessarily cause a positive effect and I only need to wait out the initial rush.

After about two minutes of reassurance and cool hands patting my warming skin I suddenly felt like someone had cracked an egg full of love on my head and it was dripping down over my body. I took a deep breath and loved everything the most I had ever loved anything. I reported to my friends that it had hit me and described my symptoms: The light coming from above was distinctly more yellow and calm, the darkness of the corner of the room became a slight pink color; I became aware of how appreciative I was of the people around me, and love them all as brothers; the touch of things to me felt much more interesting; I had the greatest desire to bring everyone to where I currently was; and I kept Whispering 'Wow. Wowowow.' It was absolutely amazing. I have never felt so good.

I quickly inquired as to the symptoms of the others but no one had any symptoms quite as intense as mine yet. Then M looked very intensely into space and whispered 'Woah'. I knew it hit him to so I crawled over to him and said enthusiastically 'How do you feel?' he looked at me and said 'Wonderful. What do you want to do with your life?' M was in! We talked about how important we were for each other briefly and then felt the same concern to bring everyone to our level. We crawled over to R and C to ask how they felt. R was beginning to feel it but not as intensely as us. C felt nothing yet and was beginning to feel discouraged. Suddenly R was In and we all joined to hug and focus to bring C to this beautiful world. We concluded that perhaps the orange juice that he had drank was slowing the digestion and circulation of the pill. C decided to go for a jog by himself and hope to get it going through recognition of movement being different.

The rest of us were concerned for his happiness but decided it would be best if we let him do his thing. So we decided to take a walk and try to find some new sensations. We chatted about how this is how it should always be and slipped more and more intensely into the 'Roll'. We met up with C quickly and we all hugged in celebration as he was beginning to feel it too! We sat in the middle of the sidewalk in a circle and talked. It was probably about 8 pm by now and dark out. The cars that drove by seemed very bright and foreign, the grass that I pulled from the ground to handle seemed plastic and very similar to Easter grass, the bark on the tree too felt fake. I brought up a fun theory: 'What if we were actually in the matrix and by taking this pill (that was actually blue instead of red) we were recognizing how everything was fake except for each other and how we felt.'

We now hit the peak of our experience, I would say, and were non-stop confessing our appreciation for each other, my love for my boyfriend, and how we recognized that this drug fortunately doesn’t add fake emotions, yet lowers your inhibitions enough to be able to truly express how you feel. We determined that it was absolutely ridiculous that people are afraid to touch each other for fear of being labeled gay or because someone “belonged” to someone else. The touch I am referring to isn’t sexual at all, but loving, holding hands, hugging, completely casual. Touch is merely another level of intimacy in communication, just like looking each other in the eyes is more intimate than looking at the floor while speaking.

We finally decided to head back to the house: me encircled in our new friend M's jacket and arms and R an C with arms around each other sharing their appreciation since high school (graduated 2 years ago). When we returned we contemplated how anyone could truly feel like dancing around at a club while 'rolling', we were so content with being this personal and relaxed.

I decided to bring the guys some different textures of food and they thanked me for always being so caring and another round of appreciating praises circulated. Taste wasn’t too different for me but it was fun to crunch a carrot to mush. We loved to feel each other's faces and I presented the idea for people to feel the inside of each others mouths and teeth. Then I tried sucking my thumb and that was really neat too.

We talked then about our lives and how we had to truly do what we love to do. These thoughts have been the topic of discussion many times before but never has it felt so real and important. We had the confidence to make it a concrete goal. Forget the 9 to 5, forget what everyone said we HAVE to do and truly contemplate what we want and DO IT. We became determined to stop our friend M's shakes from lack of sleep and too much work, and work to remove his earring that he got to remind himself that he is a slave until he can break free. We destroyed the personal space bubble that existed between us all, and discovered a new way to live. We determined that when the MDMA wears off our inhibitions will necessarily return but that we know now how we should act and that we would have to practice to overcome our inhibitions. It was a wonderful revealing experience for us all!

Around 11 pm or so we all became sleepy. I was resolved to going to bed but it was suggested that we smoke a cigarette. It boosted us for a little bit, but not for long and I fell deeply asleep. The next day we all concluded that we were relaxed and had less stress but were still productive. It has been four days now and I have still been having very deep sleeps and relaxed days. We are still pushing the personal space boundaries and are doing pretty good! We count down the days until we can have another amazing experience!

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 38232
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 19, 2007Views: 9,093
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MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), Relationships (44), Mystical Experiences (9), First Times (2)

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