Citation: Sage. "A Defining Night: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp38141)". Erowid.org. Mar 2, 2008. erowid.org/exp/38141
Pre-script: I was about 2 weeks off of the Nuvra Ring (birth control) at this point, and I might have still had some hormonal imbalances at the time.
Up until this point my husband and I had only dabbled in research chemicals, but thanks to the DEA this is no longer possible. So we turn to the natural world to follow in the footsteps of our ancestors, and use plants as a way to find the cosmic. The last thing I did before this experience was about two or three months ago, and it was definitely not very strong. My husband (D) and I were getting put out by the experiences we were having on psychedelics, and had stopped for a while. We acquired some seeds from a trusted source, and they arrived on a Friday afternoon. Not having any plans, we decided to ingest them. We had eaten at Taco Bell around 12:30 that afternoon, 5 hour prior. After spending an hour or so relaxing to try and get into a more calm state of mind, we ate (chewed up) 7 seeds, fuzzy husk and all, and used water to wash them down (this was around 6 ish). We also had about half of a soft corn tortilla each, to give our stomach something to work on along with the seeds. I experienced some mild nausea at first, but that abated once I ate the tortilla.
After about 10 minutes, I definitely wasn’t baseline, and after about 30 I could really tell something was going on. It was not very specific, and I was trying to be patient but D was becoming more and more happy and excited, so I decided to eat two more seeds since my body weight is greater than D’s and I thought perhaps I was metabolizing differently or something. Up until this point we had been in the living room, sitting in our desk chairs in front of the stereo, listening to Max Graham, something we always do while tripping - having familiar music helps me a lot in navigation of the ether. After I ingested the seeds we went into the bedroom to lay down on the bed. I was beginning to feel chilly, so I covered up with our queen sized light blanket.
I felt I was in a cocoon, the whole universe spread out and finally feeling my limits, everything beyond the blanket was the other, the other half of the universe, the part that no one in the universe understands. D is my god, speaking to me from this other half, helping me to realize what it is to be the universe. I was very happy, realizing my true nature, being with the one that I love. I came out of the blanket and pulled D’s clothes off, as well as mine. We rolled onto the floor and just experienced the carpet, the world, the air. At this point, neither of us has much of a recollection of exactly what we were doing, but soon after I found myself laying on the floor, having a very difficult time moving. Imagine that all the strength has been taken out of your limbs, this was how I felt. I could not have stood up for anything, which scared me very much, because if the house had caught fire, I would not have been able to move. D was helping me, talking to me, tho he was tripping hard too - but on 7 seeds he had more mobility than I did, tho later reported feeling tired and sapped of strength as well. I lay on the floor, until D told me I should get up on the bed with him, which I did, using all my willpower.
I felt myself being way too far gone, and asked D to turn off the music. Again, I don’t remember what happened immediately after, but about 10 minutes later I went into the bathroom and threw up, just a lot of water and bile. I brushed my teeth, which felt really good, and came back in the bedroom to be with D. After this point, the only thing D and I really remember was being sick. It didn’t happen immediately, but soon after we were in the bathroom, I had just finished throwing up again, and was starting to feel really bad - the sapping of willpower and strength catching up to me. D had been complaining of nausea for about a half hour, but could not throw up. All of a sudden, D flung himself at the toilet and vomited very forcefully. This was very scary to me, as I had never seen my husband sick, and he was always my anchor during trips which sometimes turned out to be scary, or going into territory I felt I wasn’t ready for yet.
Well, seeing him be sick made me sick, and I ran into the other bathroom and was as sick as I have ever been in my life. D and I stayed that way for about 10 minutes, him in one bathroom, me in another, calling back and forth “Are you ok?” I was very very ill, to the point to wanting to call someone, but not knowing what anyone could do. I literally thought I was going to die. Listen to me when I say this - I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE - totally convinced that my heart was going to stop with my next breath, either that or I’d throw up again and choke myself, because I was so weak I felt I couldn’t do anything but puke out of every orifice in my head. I was terrified, I felt alone in the universe, totally alone, devoid of love, feeling about to die, feeling I was going to die naked on the bathroom floor. I yelled to D “I’m going to die!” and he yelled back “No you’re not!” He helped me have the determination not to die, just by telling me I wasn’t going to. I don’t know what would have happened if he had not been there, but I’m glad he was.
After an indeterminate amount of time (HBWR made time pass in a very very strange way, it was really hard to tell what time it was), perhaps 5 minutes, D came in to check on me, and told me he was sorry about the mess in the other bathroom (he had missed the toilet a little), and I felt as low and horrid as I ever have. I felt like the love D and I share was based solely on tripping, and now that we had a bad trip, we would not love each other anymore. D kept telling me he loved me and he was sorry, and this made the feeling worse because I felt he was sorry that we didn’t love each other anymore. I was at the bottom of humanity, I had touched death without crossing over to the other side, and now I was at the most horrid place a human being could ever reach. All I could do was sit, exhausted, on the floor with the light off, D in the doorway, with my head on my hand, clutching the lip of the toilet, clenching my teeth every time the drug would make another wave (as I was coming down the drug came on in waves, gradually decreasing) and using all my strength to talk to D, simple sentences, asking him if he was there, if he still loved me, if we were ok, if he was ok. D sat down beside me, propping himself up on the door, and we talked like this, simply, for a while.
Eventually I felt well enough to sit up, but that involved just taking my head off the toilet bowl. As I gradually got stronger, I felt like I was coming up through all the stages of humanity, starting at the lowest point and getting higher, with D being there all the while telling me he loved me and I was so wonderful. I got stronger and stronger, D coaching me through growing, until he told me he loved me and I realized I still loved him back, always had, even though I forgot for a time. I started gushing how much I loved him, this progressing into me realizing I loved everyone, everyone in the world, since I am the universe and everyone is me and I am everyone. I loved myself as well, something that up until now I’ve been struggling with, but I realized I was perfect, and I sat on the floor crying saying how much I loved everyone, and D told me to look at him and give it all to him, give all the love to him, which I did, every ounce, every drop.
I then realized that some people didn’t know I loved them and were sad, and I started crying again, harder this time, being so sad that people didn’t love me and all I wanted to do was make them know I loved them, that they were wonderful, and as I was sitting there crying, D said “But you know, they’re just pretending not to know,” and I looked at him and laughed and said “Yeah, you’re right - I’d forgotten!” So we sat together on the floor, loving each other, feeling better and better. D stood up and told me to join him, so that we could be Gods together, and he walked and I crawled into the den adjoining the bathroom. I supplicated myself at his feet, worshipping my husband as God, him rubbing my back and telling me how much he loved me, how wonderful I was, and how I was just like him. I was feeling better and better, stronger and stronger. Eventually I stood up, which made me dizzy, and we walked around a little bit, brushing our teeth, washing our hands, hugging, kissing, and feeling very much in love, but still woozy and weak.
We were exhausted. We got some apple juice, because I felt part of the reason we still felt bad was due to a drop in blood sugar from not eating - we also took a multivitamin. I called my work to tell them that I had been very sick and wouldn’t make it in the next day. I think I sounded ok on the phone but you never know. We fell into bed, holding each other, while I rode out the last of the waves of the drug, each time having to clench my teeth and breathlessly whisper “Another wave - stay with me D” so that D wouldn’t go to sleep, as he was mostly down by this point. This was around 1 am, about 7 hours after ingestion. I was so tired, every once of energy drained away, but unable to fall asleep until the drug thoroughly metabolized. Eventually we fell asleep, cradled in each other’s arms.
I woke up once, when it was still dark, and went to the bathroom. I still didn’t feel baseline at this point. I woke up around 10:40 the next morning, D soon after, and we felt sore, and tired, but more of the tired that you’d feel after you’d hiked all the previous day. We drank more apple juice, I got some yogurt, I still didn’t feel totally ok, but more in the feeling kinda weird way than in the still tripping way. We curled back up with each other and slept until about 2. Then got up, made muffins (we were ravenous!), cleaned the bathroom, watched a movie, took a shower, went to the store, ate dinner, and are feeling generally wonderful, in love, happy, horny, and a little sore the next day.
This is a very very potent drug! However, this was by far the most profound and defining trip I have ever had, including my first one (which is always supposed to be the most memorable, right?). All of the stress and negativity I have built up is gone, my mindset is totally different, D and I are the happiest we’ve ever been, and we didn’t think we could get any happier. This was a defining night for me, and I encourage you to think seriously about trying this, but please, be safe, because I don’t want anyone to have to feel as bad as I did at one point and be alone. Safe journeys, I love you all!
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