Citation: Cory. "Suicide Attempt: An Experience with Dimenhydrinate (exp36519)". Erowid.org. Nov 29, 2006. erowid.org/exp/36519
Firstly before I get in to the details of my experience, I'll give some basics about myself. I'm 20, male, and reside in Canada.
Secondly I am not a big drug user, that is to say that Alcohol, Weed and Shrooms are my limit, although I think I've come to this decision after my Gravol experience. Thirdly, this will provide a somewhat unique perspective on this drug, as I am visually impaired. I can see approximately 5% of normal, light/dark, colour and some shape perception, with very little detail.
For those research junkies among you I have a condition known as Leber's Congenital Amaurosis. So my descriptions of things that happen here will be somewhat fucked up, as the things I see visually are pretty fucked up as it is, drugged or not.
Finally, I had just gone through a pretty major break-up in my life, and really didn't have many friends left after being in a fairly controlled relationship; in any case I was a bit fucked in the head.
So no, I was not looking for a cheap high, or to experience any of the stuff associated with the drug, most of which I didn't know about or didn't care. I'd actually used it as a suicide attempt, the basic theory behind it being that I thought if I take a lot of it, I'll pass out, since one or two tablets has that effect. I could then go and suffocate myself as planned. That was the extremely fucked up theory I had at the time, which describes my psychotic state in itself quite well. I'd done some research on the net about DXM, and since Gravol seemed to be associated with it, I assumed the drugs were the same, another big mistake on my part. Needless to say, I was not myself.
Anyway, one Thursday evening I didn’t' feel like going in to work, so I didn't go, and paid a visit to my local drug store and picked up a bottle of generic over-the-counter Gravol (100 tablets at 50 MG each). I think the whole thing cost me about $7, or maybe $6. Anyway, I was in business or so I thought... The next morning was the big moment. I got my huge glass of water and was determined to chug all these damn pills. Ok, problem one became apparent almost immediately, the things taste like shit!!! Of course I knew I'd never make it through 100 tablets taking them one or two at a time, so I was taking them by the handful (15 tablets???), BLAH doubly like shit! It was my third handful when I decided to take a break. I put the pills and the water down and laid back on my bed and waited, other materials needed for my plan at hand, and that's when it hit me.
Keep in mind that I hadn't eaten anything that morning, nor the day before, so I was on a very empty stomach. Three-thousand MG doesn't take too long to metabolize... Anyway, it was probably only a couple of minutes, time is sort of hard to measure, but I was just gone. There's no better way to describe it. It was about 11:00 in the morning that day, and I have no memory until about 9:00 or 10:00 that night. Apparently I've been informed later that my Mom had called me sometime that afternoon, and I had answered my phone and was talking pretty much nonsense. Concerned about what the hell might be wrong with me...she sent somebody over to check up on me. Apparently they found me half on the bed half on the floor, my phone in the middle of the floor, and gravol tablets spilled all over the place. Apparently I'd tried to take more and just couldn't manage it.
I was still capable of walking however, although with help, and they got me in to a car and took me to their place, and then after that to the hospital. I woke up in the ER, an IV in my left hand, the thingy for measuring blood pressure on my right arm, dressed in those gowns people wear in the hospital, and the leads for connecting the heart meter all over me. That all aside though, I was fucked right out of my mind. I thought the bed was the one I'd shared with my ex, until I rolled over and found rails on either side, and realized 'fuck I'm in the hospital!' But it wasn't the hospital to me, or that is to say, there was more to it then that.
On the other side of the room was another room with people having a party or get-together in it. People kept walking from that room through the one I was in, and through a door that wasn't really there. I thought I was in a living-room of sorts, and I kept trying to get out of bed. Of course the nurse on duty wouldn't allow for that, and I remember being extremely pissed off because I wanted to go talk to the people in the other room.
At one point I thought I was bleeding and actually pulled the IV out of my arm because I wanted out of bed. Then I was bleeding and after having the damn IV cable taped half way up my arm I was quite secure. I couldn't recognize anyone in the room at all. Members of my family were there, but I didn't even notice. I had to be told later that they had been there. My mom kept trying to talk to me, to calm me down since my heart-rate was extremely high (180-200 BPM? I think that’s what they said, perhaps higher, I can’t be completely sure), but I didn't even know it was her. At one point she was my ex, at another point she was a customer (I work for a company that handles Internet Technical support), and I actually thought I had my laptop and was trouble-shooting her Internet, telling her steps to try and fix it.
All the time these people I knew kept walking out of the room with the party and through the room I was in and back again, and I kept trying to talk to them, and of course they didn't answer. At one point it seemed like one of them was talking to the nurse asking what was wrong with me. And then of course there was the doctor, kept asking me basic questions like what my name was and how old I am and so on. Also he tried asking me what all I had taken, and I remember lying straight up '2', that was about the only thing I could say, and obviously I never took just two tablets and he damned well knew it. At these moments and when my mom would remind me that it was her I would know where I was, and the room with the party would disappear, but only for a few seconds at most. The whole thing finally ended at about 1:00 in the morning with the people at the party ordering pizza and going off to another house, and me all depressed because I couldn't go join them. It was the strangest experience I can ever remember...I can remember everything people were saying at the party perfectly with absolute clarity, and won't bother with the details since this report will be long enough as it is.
Finally I was moved to another part of the hospital at 2:30 or so...and fell asleep at that point. I woke up in the morning and had to sign myself out to get out. I don’t know what they gave me to make it wear off in the morning but in any case I felt more or less fine.
That wasn't the end of it though...A couple weeks later I decided to try it again (I was really fucked up). I'd just had some argument with my ex about...something over the net on MSN Messenger, and pretty much snapped. I'd just got paid, so I went and got 200 tablets this time, one bottle from one drug store and another bottle from another just to make sure they weren't suspicious, and headed out of town. I went to a town approximately a half hour's drive away, since it would take people too long to find me in time.
I paid for a hotel-room in a different name and took a couple cabs so that my location couldn't be easily traced. I got the room for a couple nights just to be sure that no one at the hotel would come in to the room. I barricaded myself in the room and proceeded to attempt the same shit again. Keep in mind that absolutely no one knew where I was, and I'd lied about my location so that the friends and family that would look for me would look in the wrong places. Nobody knew about the trip, except of course the cab drivers, and even to be sure they weren’t questioned I'd switched cabs a couple of times along the way. I shut my phone off in case it could be traced, and started popping pills, this time with some fruit-flavoured slurpee from seven-11. I couldn't seem to handle the pills this time though, they seemed to taste ten times worse than before! 'YUCK!!!' Anyway, I got through probably about 25 tablets roughly, and started tripping hard. Keep in mind that the room was pitch-black, and since I can't see I am completely functional in the dark. I never did see anyone this time, or imagine that anyone else was in the room with me, but I imagined my phone was ringing several times, only to reach for it and realize that it wasn't actually vibrating.
I imagined that the lights were on, and that made me trip hard because I thought that someone had been in the room, or that I was now in a different place entirely. Then I'd snap out of it and the room would be completely dark again. At one point a friend who was concerned about my well-being called me, and I couldn't carry on a conversation at all. I'd forget what I was saying mid-way through a sentence, or would imagine that I was saying things that I actually wasn't, where in reality I was just laying there mumbling or not saying anything at all. I would snap out of it when he’d say something like “dude you’re stoned! What all did you take?” I asked him for the time and his response was “2:30”. I then thought it was the afternoon of the next day because I could see the curtains (that were closed) glowing. Then I was freaking out because I was supposed to go in to work the next day. Not much else happened that night except that I tried to go to the bathroom one time and ended up falling out of bed, my body feeling all heavy and so on. I dragged myself across the floor and in to the bathroom, and had a bitch of a time standing up to take a piss. I then went back to bed and flopped around for a bit, my balance completely shot. By this point I was pretty much terrified, and wanted the shit to wear off.
I think the first time I did the stuff I was so fucked up I couldn't be scared, but I was down-right terrified this time. I felt like shit, nothing seemed what it should have been, and nobody was around. In addition I kept hearing people walking by and talking in the hallway outside my room, and I kept thinking they were looking for me or going to come in to my room. To this day I have no idea if they were real or not. Finally at about 5 in the morning I passed out and slept till around 10 or 11, woke up, found myself a ride home and cleaned up the hotel room. I can't give an accurate measurement this time around for how much I took because I scooped up the pile of pills and trashed them, along with everything else I'd used. I was still fucked out of my mind though, this being why I question what they gave me in the hospital to make it wear off the way it did. I was pretty much fucked that entire next day, walking around in a dream, worried that I'd caused some sort of permanent brain-damage, and it wasn't until 10 or so the next night that I finally felt normal again.
At one point a few friends and I went to go get something to eat because I needed to eat something, and I remember spilling pop all over myself because I couldn't hold my hands steady. Actually while paying for my shit at the place we were at I have no memory, although I know I paid.
That was my experience with Gravol, and I will never try the shit again, nor any other strong drug. I don't want to see things that aren't there, nothing like that. The whole experience was horrifying and one that I care to never again repeat. I now have a blood-sugar imbalance and sometimes feel faint. I'd had mild cases of this before but since that incident it seems to have gotten worse. My doctor says that I suffered no long-term damage as a result of using the drug but, I wonder. In any case, my blood-sugar imbalance treatments continue and I am happy to report that I am not the fucked up psychotic individual that I once was when I took this shit. It isn't until recently that I became curious to know exactly how much I've taken and to read about other people's experiences with these medications.
Thankfully my mom kept the bottle of Gravol around, not for use but...for whatever reasons she has, and I was able to count the remaining pills, thus calculating my 3000 MG amount.
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